tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10809630213096520792024-03-19T23:01:58.284+00:00(Brackets & Ampersands)Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-39011596742548852022014-01-02T17:58:00.001+00:002014-01-02T17:59:10.746+00:00A bunch of books I read last year that I am totally going to write about here one day I promise.So the second-last time I posted here, almost a year ago, I wrote that one of my New Years resolutions was to read less books & do more work & other stuff & that clearly didn't go very well because Goodreads has kindly informed me that I read sixty books in 2013* which is quite a lot considering I also started writing
one & editing another & I had a baby in April & there aren't actually sixty weeks in a year. Yay me?<br />
<br />
*Or fifty-nine, with one read twice, comprising of: thirty-seven
YA (or thirty-six with one read twice), ten MG/children’s, seven sci-fi /fantasy,
two literary, one crime, one chick lit, one non-fiction, one graphic novel. Fifteen
were re-reads, six were read because I had to teach a class on them, and three were so bad I almost didn’t
finish them.<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here is my favourite book of the year: <i>The Raven Boys</i> by Maggie Stiefvater. It’s
so good I read it twice. Did I mention I read it twice? I’m going to go read it
again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Here is a list of books now added to my all-time favourites:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The Raven Boys</i> by Maggie Stiefvater (I read it twice, you know)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The Dream Thieves</i> by Maggie Stiefvater<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Jellicoe Road</i> by Melina Marchetta<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Code Name Verity</i> by Elisabeth Wein<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Friday Brown</i> by Vikki Wakefield<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Eleanor & Park</i> by Rainbow Rowell<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The Brides of Rollrock Island</i> by Margot Lanagan<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Imaginary Girls</i> by Nova Ren Suma<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Here is a list of other 2013 favourites: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>This is Not a Test</i> by Courtney Summers<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian</i> by Sherman
Alexie<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Life After Life</i> by Kate Atkinson<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>The Bone Dragon</i> by Alexia Casale<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Vivian Versus the Apocalypse</i> by Katie Coyle<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Picture Me Gone</i> by Meg Rosoff<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>An Abundance of Katherines</i> by John Green<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Okay, now all I have to do is write a review for each of
these to convince you all that you need to read them too. If only I had some
way of making some kind of plan to do so - a resolution, one might say - & post more here… <o:p></o:p></div>
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In the (highly unlikely I swear) event that this doesn't happen, you can also find me on Twitter (@<a href="https://twitter.com/moirawithatrema">moirawithatrema</a>) & Tumblr (<a href="http://ecritureacreature.tumblr.com/">ecritureacreature</a>) where I write about books & poems & little snippits of life with a great deal more regularity than I do here.</div>
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Happy New Year!</div>
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Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-42954019483576140942013-01-13T16:31:00.000+00:002013-01-13T16:31:18.782+00:00Links & ThingsA small collection of links found across the internet this week(ish), because they've all been copy-pasted to my desktop stickynotes & it's starting to look very cluttered around here.<br />
<br />
The Daily Mail wrote an infuriating piece on the <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2256356/The-sick-lit-books-aimed-children-Its-disturbing-phenomenon-Tales-teenage-cancer-self-harm-suicide-.html?ito=feeds-newsxml">"rise of sick-lit" in YA</a> which is sort of like <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.ie/2011/06/actual-writing-now-with-50-more.html">that article in the Wall Street Journal two years ago</a>, only it's the Daily Mail so we don't have to take it as seriously. There have been some great responses to the piece, though, most notably in <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jan/04/sick-lit-young-adult-fiction-mail?CMP=twt_fd">The Guardian</a>, although John Green's only tweet on the subject wins the Best Reaction award by a mile:<br />
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<br />
The direct link to the Daily Mail song is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eBT6OSr1TI">here</a>, but I warn you, if you click on it it'll be in your head for the rest of the day.<br />
<br />
Speaking of John Green, the <a href="http://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/childrens/childrens-book-news/article/50056-looking-for-john-green-find-him-on-tour.html">Fault in Our Stars book tour</a> is coming to Dublin! Tickets are available <a href="http://www.rdstickets.com/cat_event_detail.jsp?itemID=1100088">here</a> for the RDS concert hall on the 6th of February.<br />
<br />
Filmmaker D. Christopher Salmon is producing a short film based on one of my favourite Neil Gaiman short stories <i>The Price</i>. A mock-up of the animation can be watched <a href="http://io9.com/5973334/watch-an-eerie-mockup-animation-of-neil-gaimans-fable-about-a-heroic-black-cat">here</a>. I can't wait to see the finished film, but at the same time I'm sort of in love with the storyboard as it is.<br />
<br />
Kirsten Dunst totally wins the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/12/celebrities-who-have-modeled-for-book-covers-photos_n_2287952.html">Celebrities Who Once Posed for Books Covers</a> competition. (What do you mean it's not a competition?)<br />
<br />
The Guardian introduces the <a href="http://bit.ly/VGVO4y">Lousy Book Covers Tumblr</a>, & it's kind of hilarious.<br />
<br />
The School Library Journal blog <a href="http://blogs.slj.com/teacozy/2013/01/13/its-that-time-of-the-month/">A Chair, a Fireplace and a Tea Cozy</a> asks an interesting question: how many YA books can you think of that feature menstruation? How many female heroes trek through dystopian wildernesses for months without seeming to have to worry about buying tampons? If Edward can smell Bella's blood in <i>Twilight </i>then... I should probably just cut this sentence short, shouldn't I? I think it's for the best.<br />
<br />Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-15158167079486666852013-01-08T18:28:00.000+00:002013-01-08T18:28:51.216+00:00The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZkDjsv4WkyAUfhNYmwagZk_uYkYgZk62ih7q-BxKdUkVnnDvHiYttM2yTRSGSMrvxOBbFFDGkLInuTtq3y7h3KDa6k2TFYSU4jshOiRe2sPnC6tM7JDuxM32-0bYhd7qUW6pI58dD2JZ2/s1600/city+of+glass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZkDjsv4WkyAUfhNYmwagZk_uYkYgZk62ih7q-BxKdUkVnnDvHiYttM2yTRSGSMrvxOBbFFDGkLInuTtq3y7h3KDa6k2TFYSU4jshOiRe2sPnC6tM7JDuxM32-0bYhd7qUW6pI58dD2JZ2/s200/city+of+glass.jpg" width="131" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicst1aVtjybOv6HNSfl1bjes34SLBWCR_J776oh0SIXG6I6TR1yq4_-HgULSXqcuUxJg6pgD56LLJjmpkZjopj6Rb6l1AjPcVx-C3kF38x_HWy13lh_9FNhdn7X2daOSN2lwqhJ6Yh8msN/s1600/city_of_bones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicst1aVtjybOv6HNSfl1bjes34SLBWCR_J776oh0SIXG6I6TR1yq4_-HgULSXqcuUxJg6pgD56LLJjmpkZjopj6Rb6l1AjPcVx-C3kF38x_HWy13lh_9FNhdn7X2daOSN2lwqhJ6Yh8msN/s200/city_of_bones.jpg" width="131" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjySUXSwALbSRaAfP7F0FuRjDT0vEGrqPXBYzlcjct8HJfmmiYcmO394Y1_rW4Z0-A4zAQ15hNf5uavtKHCJVA5-VbEUmAC00_6F9ckUYjY32Yll8-_Qk9exV7Y2c_7F_YkCBYm32A380sq/s1600/city_of_ashes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjySUXSwALbSRaAfP7F0FuRjDT0vEGrqPXBYzlcjct8HJfmmiYcmO394Y1_rW4Z0-A4zAQ15hNf5uavtKHCJVA5-VbEUmAC00_6F9ckUYjY32Yll8-_Qk9exV7Y2c_7F_YkCBYm32A380sq/s200/city_of_ashes.jpg" width="132" /></a></div>
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You know how some
people make new years resolutions like: Read Fifty Books in One Year?
Well, I think one that better applies to me is: Read Less Books &
Do More Work & Other Stuff because by January 3rd I'd already
read three books. But that's not entirely my fault. Cassandra Clare
shares a large part of the blame.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Here is what the back
cover of <i>City of Bones</i> has to
say for itself:</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>When Clary Fray
heads out to the Pandemonium Club in New York City, she hardly
expects to witness a murder. Much less a murder committed by three
teenagers covered with odd markings.</i></div>
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<i>This is Clary’s
first meeting with the Shadowhunters, warriors dedicated to ridding
the earth of demons - and keeping the odd werewolves and vampires in
line. It’s also her first meeting with gorgeous, golden-haired
Jace. Within twenty-four hours Clary is pulled into Jace’s world
with a vengeance, when her mother disappears and Clary herself is
attacked by a demon. But why would demons be interested in an
ordinary mundane like Clary? And how did she suddenly get the Sight?
The Shadowhunters would like to know...</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Clary Fray is a
fifteen-year-old artist (because YA heroines always want to be
artists or writers when they grow up & never accountants or
publicists or occupational therapists*) whose world is turned
upside-down when she realises she can see through the glamour that
demons & other Downworlders use to become invisible to humans
("mundanes": the new muggles). Then her mother disappears &
Clary & her nerdy, bespectacled best friend Simon team up with
teenage Shadowhunters Jace, Isabelle & Alec, to find out where
she is.
</div>
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<br /></div>
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Clary soon discovers
that her mother was once a Shadowhunter herself, & that all of
Clary's early memories of the demon world have been erased. Also,
serious Bad Guy Valentine, an evil ex-Shadowhunter previously
presumed dead, wants to summon demons to help him eliminate any
Shadowhunters who don't agree with his Death Eater-ish beliefs.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Evil supernatural
purists, mysterious tattoos, demons, werewolves & vampires, a
beautiful boy with a serious attitude problem: <i>City of Bones</i>
(along with its sequels, <i>City of Ashes </i>&
<i>City of Glass</i>) sounds
like your typical young adult urban fantasy. Which it is. Only
not all typical young adult urban fantasy is this addictive. Here's
what really worked for me about this series:</div>
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<br /></div>
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1.
Good prose. One of the reasons this series is so
easy to read is because it's just really well written. The
descriptions are gorgeous, the dialogue is snappy & often very
funny & the pace is perfect. I could hardly put it down (I read
an entire trilogy in three days, of <i>course</i>
I could hardly put it down).</div>
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<br /></div>
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2.
Good stock characters. In some ways Clary is like every other YA
urban fantasy heroine (she's artsy, she thinks herself plain but boys
love her even if she doesn't realise they do, she ends up with
unusual powers), only somehow, probably related to point 1, she's
very likeable & not annoying in the slightest. She's also maybe
more fleshed-out than the other heroines I'm thinking of: she's kind
of nerdy, a little flighty & quite short-tempered, which makes
for a pretty realistic supernatural teenager.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
Similarly,
Jace is the Regulation Hottie. He's a bad boy with an attitude
problem & a blatant disregard for authority who functions as
one-third of the love triangle that always seems to involve a "plain"
girl, her nerdy but wise-cracking best friend & an aloof &
mysterious new boy. But Jace isn't idealised in the way that some
Regulation Hotties are (*cough*Edward*cough*); he has a carefully &
sensitively crafted backstory to his brooding & can get pretty
exasperating (which also makes for a pretty realistic supernatural
teenager). So while I'm generally always on Team Best Friend when it
comes to love triangles, I have to admit that the chemistry between
Clary & Jace can get pretty electric.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
Some
of the secondary characters include sexy, ass-kicking Shadowhunter
Isabelle & her moody, closeted brother Alec;
Dungeons-&-Dragons-playing, curly-haired best friend Simon;
sarcastic, glittery warlock Magnus Bane; & charismatic but
manipulative bad guy Valentine. All pretty standard characters
(except Magnus, perhaps, who is too awesome to be counted as a stock
character) but all excellently written, engaging & complex. This
is how all YA fantasy characters should be written.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
3. Forbidden love. I
LOVE forbidden love. Tortured romance is so much more satisfying than
regular romance, & although this series does action &
adventure really well, it often feels like the romantic tension is
leading the plot. And with the intensity of the will they/ won't
they/ can they/ can't they, that's hardly surprising.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
4. ALL the supernatural
creatures! If you like vampires & werewolves & faeries &
warlocks & angels & demons & you just don't know which to
chose, this series has 'em all. Now I have to admit I'm not a big fan
of angels. Angels in fiction (especially in YA) tend to make me roll
my eyes a lot (unless they belong to Philip Pullman or Neil Gaiman).
In the <i>Mortal Instruments </i>series
Shadowhunters are humans with distant angel ancestors, & there's
a fair amount of angel lore to go with all the demon stuff (while
somehow avoiding discussing if any particular god exists within the
word of the series) which I suppose makes sense, but I'm not
particularly fond of it. The demons of the series are great, however,
sort of like <i>Buffy</i> demons
only with less of the kitten-eating & more of the
human-ribcage-cracking.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
Actually, the<i>
Mortal Instruments</i> series reads
sort of like a cross between <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i>
& <i>Harry Potter</i>.
(These are a few of my favourite things...) It's good, reliable young
adult fantasy & I highly recommend it.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
*It used to vaguely
annoy me that so many characters in novels want to be or become
artists & writers until I realised that for every character who
achieves their childhood dream of becoming a writer, there is an
author writing these characters who achieved the very same dream. </div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-87476890372826438052012-06-06T20:24:00.002+01:002012-06-28T14:44:10.651+01:00Oh! The Places You'll Go!<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So. I tend to be a
little all-over-the-place with blogs (unlike in real life, where I am
a beacon of steadfast progress & constant organisation) which is
why it's been a while since I've written. But there are other reasons
too, & I hope that by listing them I'll be more inclined to write
here again, because it's a nice little space of internet for me to
rant about thin-ideal messages in young adult vampire fiction or to
rave about the new dystopian books I've been reading or to make fun
of <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>, cause that's one of my favourite
pastimes.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The first thing that
happened was that I got Thesis Block for a few months. Thesis Block
is a terrible affliction I'm sure many of you are familiar with. It's
the second cousin twice removed of Writer's Block, & only applies
to the writing of (& researching of, & reading for, &
confidence in) a dissertation or thesis. It was rather unpleasant &
I'm very happy to say that it's sorted itself out & I'm back to
alternating clacking away on the laptop & mashing my forehead
against the keys, which is, I gather, pretty much what writing a PhD
is all about.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I tend not to talk
about the more difficult parts of thesis writing, & I don't
really know why. (Apart from the fact that if you Google my name you
can find this blog. Hello, prospective employers, examiners,
landlords, bankers! Hello mom!) Maybe it's because writing a thesis
can be a very solitary activity, & since, academically at least,
I tend to be a bit of a lone wolf (lone werewolf?) I sometimes forget
that I'm not the Only Person Ever Who Has Ever Felt Like This Ever.
It's nice to occasionally talk to other people in the same rockety
boat, who also go through those weekly Oh My God What Am I Doing With
My Life crises ("Can't I just run away & live on a barge
like the Sylvanian Family toys? I just want to, I dunno, go fishing &
raise dirty, barefoot children who can swim really well.")
before realising yet again that yes, this is what we want to be
doing.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The second thing that
happened was that my thesis changed direction ever so slightly (which
may have thrown me off-balance momentarily). I'm now going to be
concentrating solely on young adult fiction texts, rather than
anything with a teenage vampire character (not that there's actually
much overlap, which is interesting). Which means that I now don't
technically <i>have</i> to watch <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i> for my research,
which in turn means admitting that I actually like to watch it
anyway. (Gasp!) So that's why I've gotten behind on recaps, & you
know the way when you've fallen behind it's a lot harder to catch
up...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
third thing that happened was that I suddenly realised that I'm
getting married very soon & that there's actually a whole lot of
organising that needs to happen before a wedding (who knew?) so I, &
my wonderful team of <strike>minions</strike> helpers, have been doing a lot
of calling & emailing & budgeting & sewing & cutting
& planning & thinking, which is all very fun &
time-consuming (apart from the budgeting, which is less fun than the
rest).</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So.
There's my explanation for my absence. Now, to get back to <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i>! I also have a
bunch of books I want to review, & a lot of things I want to talk
about, & a lot of links to link & all the thinks to think,
but I should probably leave all that for another day, before I start
sounding too much like a Dr Seuss book.</div>Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-39314333493653026762012-04-20T16:50:00.001+01:002012-04-20T16:50:27.627+01:00Important Life Lessons & Klaus is Better than the Moon: The Vampire Diaries 3:9 Recap<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZrI6ddf6Bg3nrz6wCytpUT59l47iaqY0a-DFLznR6mQ9xIy-vbsKhyLYt7B6lQEw2UL27DuLbKuRg00x7dcXiP-vbSTp2VoiQe4i4oH9vnOSE9MrVeMGy9pP1awm4hT9VTtougaGzCabS/s1600/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZrI6ddf6Bg3nrz6wCytpUT59l47iaqY0a-DFLznR6mQ9xIy-vbsKhyLYt7B6lQEw2UL27DuLbKuRg00x7dcXiP-vbSTp2VoiQe4i4oH9vnOSE9MrVeMGy9pP1awm4hT9VTtougaGzCabS/s400/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Previously, on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i>:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan craves blood!
But mostly he <strike>craves</strike> loves Elena! So Evil <strike>English</strike> Viking Klaus turned off Stefan's humanity so now he doesn't love
anyone! Oh, and also, Klaus once killed his mother & lied to his
sister so his father Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire wants to
kill <i>him</i>, so he (Michael the
Vampire-Hunting Vampire) is banding up with Damon, who <strike>craves</strike> loves Elena too but who mostly just wants to save Stefan from being a
No-Humanity Off the Rails Ripper with the power of bromance! Got
that? No, me neither.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Currently,
on <i>The Vampire Diaries, </i>Stefan,
Damon, Elena & Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire have
constructed a Super Duper Foolproof Plan. The plan is this: Stefan
phones Klaus to tell him his father's dead, Klaus comes back to
Mystic Falls, Stefan kills Klaus. Easy, right? But what happens when
he asks to see the body? Um, well...
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
As
it turns out, Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire is totes game for a
bit of death. He understands how this show works; he knows that if
Elena stabs him with the special Original Vampire Killing Dagger
chances are he'll come back from the (un)dead, because *drum roll*</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #1 (aka the most important Life Lesson of all): Nobody ever
actually dies in this show.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Also,
he has in his possession a stake made from the wood of the <strike>plot
point</strike> white oak tree & wants to kill Klaus with it himself.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So,
Elena kills Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire, Stefan calls Klaus &
then Elena removes the dagger & Michael the Vampire-Hunting
Vampire comes back to life, begging the question of why he had to die
in the first place if it wasn't so that Klaus could see his dead
body. But anyway.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Rebekah
& Michael the Vampire-Hunting
Vampire-who-just-got-staked-for-no-reason have a little
father-daughter bonding time because Rebekah's still a little unhappy
that her father destroyed her family by making them all vampires. But
I'm sure she's just overreacting.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
in the more important parts of Mystic Falls, it's almost Homecoming!
And Elena has nothing to wear! And Bonnie doesn't have a date! This
is even more tragic than all the vampire stuff!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan
has nothing to wear either. He barges in demanding to borrow clothes
from his brother because he may be 162 years old but goddamnit it's
HOMECOMING & he needs a tie. Sheesh. Then Elena gets mad because
he says she'll prolly get murdered by the homecoming queen which
means he thinks she won't be homecoming queen. Poor Elena.</div>
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<br />
</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHpRrSmtijhJ-8dTs9v_XYGARFAqw-d0aL8rnJZ4j62t3HLkqGdARMPQjNZ0eoPkllQx49sbvvmwu4qbgEWc7DKJQ1YQhlgederEuW3iavymCC36wAxkmFJKfDn4435REfGS8NDYsZsICt/s1600/Untitled1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHpRrSmtijhJ-8dTs9v_XYGARFAqw-d0aL8rnJZ4j62t3HLkqGdARMPQjNZ0eoPkllQx49sbvvmwu4qbgEWc7DKJQ1YQhlgederEuW3iavymCC36wAxkmFJKfDn4435REfGS8NDYsZsICt/s400/Untitled1.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
at the school, Caroline & Tyler the werejerkpire are getting
ready for the dance because Caroline never saw a committee she didn't
want to lead. She asks Tyler to pass her the glue gun.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #2: Werepires are closet crafters.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Tyler
tells Caroline that Rebekah is going to the dance with Matt. This
makes Caroline very angry because Matt is a Lovely Innocent Person
and Rebekah is a Blood Slut. Mind your manners, Caroline! (I feel
like I'm turning into Effie Trinket.)</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(My MS Paint skills just get better & better.)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Tyler tells Caroline that Matt
is not in fact a Lovely Innocent Person but A Guy which means it's
totes okay to objectify Rebekah cause Matt's only going to the dance
with her because she's hot. When this makes Caroline even angrier,
Tyler points out that he's painting a bus with glitter for the
homecoming dance so he's clearly a women's rights champion.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #3: It's completely fine to be a massive sexist dick, so long
as you have glitter & a glue gun to prove you're totally "sired"
to your girlfriend. That sound you hear is my teeth grinding.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
at the Salvatore mansion, Rebekah is feeling all the feelings. She's
super excited because it's her first high school dance & she
wants to look perfect.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #4: Homecoming is just as important to 1,000-year-olds as it
is to 17-year-olds.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But
she's also sad about Stefan killing Klaus, because he's her brother.
That's a little more understandable than the Homecoming thing.
Although he did lock her in a coffin for sixty years...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Anyway,
her nervous excitement wins out over her sadness at her brother's
impending death (although she does kindly advise Elena not to trust
any member of her Original Vampire family). So Elena gives her the
Magical Witchy Necklace that belonged to Rebekah's mom, & then
she stabs her with the magic dagger.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdGLZNEjpwi9kdD6Pov-YJbd1RZmmQH0-iosF39KJIkM5nuqH3sYeWQxhewIfO9YYufiqhfu6_EmYbOLB9Mga6g15-8nrY2ydjNessb565Qi01XhrLfkPzXlRhe12YJbNPWZUQ_HUYMsQM/s1600/Untitled2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdGLZNEjpwi9kdD6Pov-YJbd1RZmmQH0-iosF39KJIkM5nuqH3sYeWQxhewIfO9YYufiqhfu6_EmYbOLB9Mga6g15-8nrY2ydjNessb565Qi01XhrLfkPzXlRhe12YJbNPWZUQ_HUYMsQM/s400/Untitled2.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
goes & tells Damon that she's the Weak Link in the Super Duper
Foolproof Plan because she cares too much & she's sorry for what
she did. Damon tells her that the whole stabbing-Rebekah-in-the-back
thing was very Katherine of her, which doesn't help, but then he
reminds her that Rebekah isn't actually dead, which does. Someone
remind me what the point of an Original Vampire Killing Dagger is
when said dagger doesn't ever actually kill?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
at the high school, the Worst Thing Ever has happened: Homecoming's
been cancelled! The gym is flooded! Caroline is devastated! But Tyler
the Sensitive Werejerkpire steps in to save the day! He says they can
have the dance at his house!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the Salvatore mansion, Matt shows up to take Rebekah to the dance,
not knowing that she's currently all grey & veiny on the floor of
her bedroom. Elena offers herself as backup date.</div>
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<br />
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Music-festival
atmosphere, designer clothes, lantern-lit garden, yep, this looks
like an impromptu homecoming dance transferred hastily to a student's
back garden all right... Caroline is super annoyed that Tyler has
thrown a better Homecoming than she'd originally planned in less than
an hour but what she doesn't know, & what Tyler tells Stefan, is
that he's not the one organising this party, it's Klaus. And by the
way, it's not a party. It's a wake. DUN DUN DUNNNN.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCVqjnlPaH4GTVe3jhWwgmBouVBvLcOdpB3PL1jFAl7QpXSlWFfJEOnsLkprVGTUSG-qIWohxl-H4OIQ7AdwkTAVhz86EhyphenhyphenO_R3jYoh4pc6_d4D7KqrfwIwPvLrU9RP25GAxMy1wZWKBxR/s1600/Untitled4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCVqjnlPaH4GTVe3jhWwgmBouVBvLcOdpB3PL1jFAl7QpXSlWFfJEOnsLkprVGTUSG-qIWohxl-H4OIQ7AdwkTAVhz86EhyphenhyphenO_R3jYoh4pc6_d4D7KqrfwIwPvLrU9RP25GAxMy1wZWKBxR/s400/Untitled4.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #5: Rock band members are hairy.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So
now that Klaus has a hairy band & a whole heap of teenagers at
his father's funeral he'd kinda like to see the body whose death he's
celebrating. But instead of asking to be brought to the body, he
commands Stefan to bring his father outside! Oh cunning Klaus, always
one step ahead. When Stefan asks what's in it for him, Klaus promises
that when he is sure his father is dead, he will lift the compulsion
& Stefan can have his freedom back.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back at the Salvatore mansion, Damon & Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire are having
a very civilised heart-to-heart between enemies where Damon doesn't
offer Michael a whiskey because he drinks from vampires but Michael
the Vampire-Hunting Vampire explains that he's kind of like the Robin
Hood of vampires - he only feeds from the predator. But unlike Robin
Hood he doesn't give the bad guys' blood to the needy, cause that'd
be gross. Not that drinking blood in general isn't gross. And not that Robin Hood stole blood. I'll shut
up now.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan
interrupts to say that Klaus wants Michael the Vampire-Hunting
Vampire's body at Tyler's & won't be coming to the house. He also
wants to know what Damon's plan is but Damon says his plan doesn't
involve Stefan & then Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire bites
Stefan & he collapses! Layers upon layers! Who is deceiving who?
The suspense is killing me!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This
is not the first time I've thought that Stefan's facial expressions
suggest liking pain a little too much...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the party, Klaus tells Tyler he's invited all his charming
werepire friends to protect him should anyone, oh I dunno, show up
unexpectedly & try to kill him. Tyler goes to Caroline first with
this information, which is foolish because no one ever tells the
blonde vampire anything. And even if she did know something, she
wouldn't tell Tyler because he's a jerkface who is sired to Klaus. So
Tyler totally proves that he can be trusted by syringing Caroline in
the neck.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIdjC7PsAlr0HO-GBS7qoKgkZf1hRuzqqs_b6rqkvbA9O25BFdcXyrmSqXLrB-DiCAOR4p76sQ_KN4Pz1kt9nDsHGQ1nRAXJfJjeIFl3GcQ-YDleviFsnOREKGMVc1ErZyngy9X9boyKm_/s1600/Untitled6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIdjC7PsAlr0HO-GBS7qoKgkZf1hRuzqqs_b6rqkvbA9O25BFdcXyrmSqXLrB-DiCAOR4p76sQ_KN4Pz1kt9nDsHGQ1nRAXJfJjeIFl3GcQ-YDleviFsnOREKGMVc1ErZyngy9X9boyKm_/s400/Untitled6.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Is
someone going to get stabbed at the end of every scene this episode?
There won't be any characters left at the party.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
outside, the Hairy Rock Band are wearing vampire capes & Klaus
has found Elena. He explains that people have been after him for a
thousand years, so he's kinda paranoid at this point & whatever
complicated stabby plan they've concocted won't work because he's
like a million steps ahead so there. Well, you know what they say,
Klaus, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to
get you.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Upstairs,
Tyler gets Matt to take Caroline's unconscious body out of the house
before Things Get Dangerous. Using irrefutable abusive dude logic he
explains to Matt that he's only hurting her to keep her safe. Matt
may buy that, but I sure don't.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Downstairs,
Damon kills the doorman who will only let hybrids into the house,
then starts a vampire/werepire fight with Tyler for having the
werepires there in the first place. But before any more stabbing can
happen, they both break apart with severe headaches!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1G7sesSaPurY3N5FO63sSbFHysfvaXwt-v_RB9TneMy0175Z2Mt3FMWHFRqDqFPIjmfcvY5DIGpVm94RF0AUnRDYV76ytxbpgMO1L1LPZBXpcxmjS-cS-7-H9J9HzJs80aDjVfPqOnW8u/s1600/Untitled7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1G7sesSaPurY3N5FO63sSbFHysfvaXwt-v_RB9TneMy0175Z2Mt3FMWHFRqDqFPIjmfcvY5DIGpVm94RF0AUnRDYV76ytxbpgMO1L1LPZBXpcxmjS-cS-7-H9J9HzJs80aDjVfPqOnW8u/s400/Untitled7.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Bonnie:
she has the Power of Migraine. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Which
was all part of this rather convoluted plan, we discover as Tyler
collapses.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire is ready to have a nice little
chat with his son. He shows up politely at the front door but for
some reason he can't get inside even though Klaus jokingly invites
him in? So Michael sort of just stands on the porch insulting his son
for a good ten minutes.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Finally,
Klaus gets tired of being called a coward & gets his small army
of werepires to surround his father to kill him. But Michael the
Vampire-Hunting Vampire is such a badass he compels the vampire parts
of the werepires so they'll follow his orders instead of Klaus's, &
then he produces Elena from somewhere or other & threatens to
kill her! Which'll kill all the werepires because Elena's the
Doppleganger & her blood is the key to making werepires!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But
Michael isn't done insulting Klaus yet. With his newly-compelled army
of werepires around him & Elena caught in a headlock, he tells
his son that no one cares about him or about whether he lives or
dies, which makes Klaus Very Sad.</div>
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<br />
</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPSTwhd4m7nAVBfXZicvZXBMEgQqV9nVtUcZccjbxo7ZMtlHqZiOJmyMOmVWfYnQHsigiS9fJdBZTM6n7rpExgV2rVHbA7pcEAEvaApn_FtBS93YyYOmvuKq4d3l5QqsnZ_nVcUdPxob0c/s1600/Untitled8.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPSTwhd4m7nAVBfXZicvZXBMEgQqV9nVtUcZccjbxo7ZMtlHqZiOJmyMOmVWfYnQHsigiS9fJdBZTM6n7rpExgV2rVHbA7pcEAEvaApn_FtBS93YyYOmvuKq4d3l5QqsnZ_nVcUdPxob0c/s400/Untitled8.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
then Klaus calls his dad's bluff, so Michael stabs Elena who turns
out to have been Katherine all along! Damon stabs Klaus, Stefan tries
to stop him, Damon misses, Klaus grabs the stake & stabs Michael
the Vampire-Hunting Vampire & I swear if I had a cent for every
time someone got stabbed this episode I'd be able to buy a really big bag
of penny sweets.</div>
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<br />
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
then Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire dies rather dramatically
which would suggest that, despite this show's track record, he isn't
coming back.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
stares meaningfully into Stefan's eyes & grants him his freedom.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
A
little later, in Caroline's house, Caroline wakes up to find Tyler
watching over her because he's so loving & sensitive &
totally not jerkish at all. He explains that he poisoned her for her
own good. I'm glad that Caroline gives out to him for not having, you
know, maybe like <i>asked</i> her to leave because things were gonna
get dangerous rather than stabbing her in the neck, but I'm less
impressed that she then totally buys Tyler's excuse that she would
never have left her friends to fight Klaus alone. I think Tyler has
forgotten that Caroline is a freakin vampire who is just as strong as
the others who stayed & who could TOTALLY KICK HIS ASS. AND SHE
SHOULD.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Then
Caroline says she's not sure she can be with Tyler because his every
move is being controlled by an evil <strike>English</strike> Viking werepire &
Tyler whinges a bit about how when he was just a werewolf the moon
controlled him & now that he's a werepire Klaus controls him so
actually it's okay because Klaus is better than the moon, or
something, I don't know, I kinda zoned out because whenever Tyler
comes on screen I just want to slap his stupid werepire face. Anyway,
he doesn't want Caroline to turn her back on him after everything
they've been through but Caroline doesn't answer (adda girl,
Caroline) so he storms out.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the Salvatore mansion, Damon is furious that the plan didn't work
even though they thought they'd anticipated all of Klaus' moves.
Elena tells him that they'll be okay because they can get through it
& Damon says they're never gonna get Stefan back & Elena
tells him that in that case they'll just have to let him go. It's a
very romantic almost-kiss moment that is, as always, interrupted by a
ringing phone.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Katherine
is calling to say goodbye to Damon, who is thankful for her flying
visit, but who doesn't know that she is on the road with Stefan!
Turns out that the whole plan with Stefan stopping anyone from
killing Klaus was all Katherine's idea! Because she really does love
the Salvatore brothers! Also, she knows Klaus's secret!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
When
she was posing as Elena at the party Klaus told her that even when
their sire is dead, hybrids have to follow their orders, & Klaus
has ordered his whole army of werepires to kill Damon if he himself
should die! So they can't kill Klaus without Damon dying!</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So
while everyone else was busy putting the Let's-Kill-Klaus plan into
action, Katherine went to Stefan &, using the timeless power of
bromance, convinced Stefan to dredge up enough humanity to save
Damon's life. USE THE <strike>FORCE</strike> BROMANCE, LUKE! </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Plus,
Katherine has Another Plan for which she needs Stefan's help. And that plan
involves Stefan stealing all of Klaus's coffin-emprisoned family that
he carts around everywhere with him in the back of a truck.
Predictably, Klaus isn't too pleased...</div>Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-70523747622157469602012-01-27T17:24:00.000+00:002012-01-27T17:24:26.371+00:00Important Life Lessons & Ancient Viking Vampires: The Vampire Diaries 3:8 Recap<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMQNVq-94W1761ts0Cy7NYYjj61tZSgnfqbgxiRnzEkTRNxkxH6hhL8ZI50cs7x1va9MyqSlm67FNlPrG0UWAepUF5Rf44eOlgCl4ZgJ-j24MgwllwGK2Y2goph2vkdEgBhgdiRQ_2Az-b/s1600/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMQNVq-94W1761ts0Cy7NYYjj61tZSgnfqbgxiRnzEkTRNxkxH6hhL8ZI50cs7x1va9MyqSlm67FNlPrG0UWAepUF5Rf44eOlgCl4ZgJ-j24MgwllwGK2Y2goph2vkdEgBhgdiRQ_2Az-b/s400/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Previously on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i>, there are Secret Prehistoric Viking Caves under Mystic Falls, & in the Secret Prehistoric Viking Caves there are Secret Prehistoric Viking Cave Paintings.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Currently, on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i>, Elena & Alaric explore the Secret Prehistoric Viking Caves, amazed at how ancient everything is, Damon pulls pranks, because that's what vampires do best, everything is ancient, Elena glares at Damon, because that's what Elena does best, & did I mention how everything is ancient? Especially the Secret Prehistoric Viking Cave Paintings.<br />
<br />
Life Lesson #1: Vikings: they are ancient.</div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
As always, on <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>, Alaric knows everything because he is a high school history teacher. He explains to Damon & Elena that Secret Prehistoric Viking Cave Paintings tell a story. An ancient story. A story about werewolves. And Vikings.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Apparently, while the Lockwoods arrived in Mystic Falls with the infamous Founders in the 1860s, a tribe of Ancient Werewolves were here long before, carelessly graffiti-ing their names onto cave walls in runic Viking script. Names like: </div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Ah yes, that famous Viking name, Rebekah.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
Before Alaric can explain exactly how Rebekah is a Viking name, it's FLASHBACK TIME! We haven't had a good flashback in at least two episodes!</div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We find ourselves in the Secret Prehistoric Viking Caves, in the ancient past. You can tell Rebekah was a
rebel even before she became a vampire because she Wishes To Wield a
Blade even though she's a woman & she graffiti-s on cave walls
with a dagger. In this flashback, we also learn that Klaus & Rebekah are afraid of their father, & with good reason, because their father is none other than Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire! DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!</div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Allow me, at this
juncture, to take issue with <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>'
history. Now, I am not a history student & I am certainly not a
history teacher like Alaric the Know-it-All, so I don't know much
about anything not involving literary vampires that happened before
1985 (hey, if I wasn't born, it's ancient history). HOWEVER, I
strongly suspect that the following Life Lessons are not necessarily endorsed by Actual History Lessons. (And by strongly suspect I mean I
have asked people who are more intelligent & knowledgeable than
I am including but not limited to Wikipedia.)<br />
<br />
Life Lesson #2: Contrary to popular belief, Vikings did actually form permanent settlements in the USA.<br />
<br />
Life Lesson #3: In Virginia.<br />
<br />
Life Lesson #4: Vikings were known for their prehistoric cave paintings.<br />
<br />
Life Lesson #5: "Prehistoric," like "ancient," is a pretty loose term.<br />
<br />
Life Lesson #6: Elijah, Michael, Esther & Rebekah
are all legitimate Viking names.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(Also,
I've been spelling Rebecca wrong all this time. Sorry, Rebekah.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, in the present day, Alaric studies the pictures he's taken of the Secret Prehistoric Viking Cave Paintings while Elena Buffys with Damon.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Now, allow me to demonstrate what a vampire - not me, of course, just a random, hypothetical vampire - would do if you just held your neck a little bit more to the left."</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Alaric's having some trouble with his Ancient Viking translations, so Elena decides to go straight to the source & ask Rebekah what her teenage cave artwork means. Rebekah, however, is much more interested in practising her cheerleading before homecoming than answering Elena's questions. However, she does reveal that she's spent 1000 years running from her father & that if Elena wakes him up everybody's doomed. Then she asks Elena to excuse her, because this 1000-plus-year-old evil Original Vampire has the serious need to cheerlead.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #7: It is perfectly natural for Ancient Viking Vampires with Jewish names to have English & Australian accents.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #8: You can never overdo the flashbacks.<br />
<br /></div>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In this flashback, Klaus & Elijah are swordfighting, there is a Random Adorable Child, & Rebekah has freakin beautiful hair & I am totally trying this style out next weekend.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So far it all seems like fun & games in Ancient Viking Camp, but we are about to learn that Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire DOESN'T LIKE
FUN. (I'm beginning to understand why they locked him in a coffin for sixty years.) Teaching A Lesson
swordfights ensue, which Klaus loses, quite spectacularly.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back in the present day, Alaric is translating
runes because of course Alaric speaks Ancient Viking.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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Rebekah texts Elena to ask if she wants to hang out which makes Elena pretty happy because, as she says to Damon, she's ready to do a bit of Mean Girls-ing to break Rebekah & get her to tell them the truth. And while I appreciate that they point out that once a 1000 year old vampire joins the highschool cheerleading squad, we're operating under a whole different set of rules, I had to giggle every time Elena said the words Mean Girls Power Struggle.<br />
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(Every magazine should hire me to do their photoshopping.)</div>
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Meanwhile, in the dungeon jail cell, Damon decides to ignore the whole Lexie-detox Stefan-chained-to-a-chair plan, & instead he takes his brother out to the pub.</div>
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In Girlland, Rebekah now wants to be Elena's BFF. She meets Elena at the Salvatore mansion with loud pop music, champagne, & her own compelled private runway show & asks Elena to help her choose a dress for the homecoming dance.<br />
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Now, if there's one thing <i>The Vampire Diaries</i> does well it's compulsion scenes. We've spent the last few episodes learning how petty, shallow & immature Rebekah is, so that we almost think of her just as a pouty, spoiled teenage girl, but scenes like this one pretty neatly remind us of what happens when a pouty, spoiled teenage girl can do anything she damn wants. It's a chilling thought.<br />
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Anyway, so far Rebekah's totally winning the Mean Girl war because she can compel people, kill people & look amazing in a slinky prom dress. Also, she's got high shoes & drinks champagne during the day (yo ho yo ho, a vampire's life for me...).<br />
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Mean Girls Points: Rebekah 1, Elena 0.</div>
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Back at the house, Alaric is busy fatherfiguring at Bonnie about her boy troubles when he notices that the Magical Witchy Necklace has its own Ancient Viking Rune!</div>
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At the Salvatore mansion, Rebekah alternates snooping through Stefan's bedroom & giving us more flashbacks, in which she<i> </i>sort of explains the whole Secret Prehistoric Viking Caves thing by telling us that her Viking family were landowners in Europe who came to the New World via witchcraft to escape a plague but the New World was already populated by werewolves (& here we have yet another problematic Native-Americans-as-Werewolves subplot) so once a month the Vikings had to hide in caves & paint their diaries on the walls. So I guess that explains the cave paintings.<br />
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The necklace belonged to a witch (you can tell she's a witch because she's the only black Viking around) & Rebekah thinks it's pretty but the witch won't let her touch it. Also, the Random Adorable Child is Rebekah & Klaus's adorable brother. But oh no! One night, Adorable Brother & Klaus sneak out of the Secret Prehistoric Viking Caves to look at the werewolves turn & Adorable Brother is attacked! All the Vikings want the witch to save him but she can't Upset the Balance of Nature & so he dies! And that makes the Vikings reeeeally angry.</div>
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Meanwhile, in A Grotty Bar Somewhere in Virginia, Damon & Stefan are drinking ("I'll have your finest Waitress Brew, preferably a blonde, twenty-five year old vintage") & doing a bit of brotherly bonding, which Stefan immediately sees through, because he may be Off The Rails, but he's not completely stupid. He wants Damon to give it a rest & leave him alone, but Damon's got a new Ripper-Detox plan, & it involves blood & alcohol, so I guess it isn't really a detox after all.</div>
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Back at the Salvatore
mansion, Rebekah's a bit embarrassed at having shared such a personal flashback so she tries to tell Elena that Stefan's a horrible predatory creature &
that vampires don't care about stupid human lives, but Elena, who's a lot more
on the ball than usual this episode, points out that Rebekah herself seems to care a lot about homecoming dance for a horrible predatory creature who doesn't care about stupid human lives. Then Elena tells Rebekah to go compel herself a friend.</div>
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Mean Girl Score: Rebekah 1, Elena 1.<br />
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Accepting this as a fair point, Rebekah tells Elena a bit more of her story. After the Adorable Brother died, the Original Witch turned the entire family into vampires as a way of keeping them alive, but because <i>Buffy</i> didn't exist yet & nobody knew what vampires were, they didn't realise what a curse not being able to go out in sunlight was. To say nothing of the insatiable desire to eat your friends.<br />
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In MORE FLASHBACKS we
learn that the Original Witch is in fact Esther, Rebekah's mother, but I think that <i>The Vampire Diaries </i>made a mistake: Esther is white & blonde & therefore can't be a witch, right? Be consistent, <i>Vampire Diaries</i>!</div>
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Anyway, the World's Only White Witch didn't become a vampire herself, but kindly made Magic Sunlight Rings so her family wouldn't burn up in the daytime, & helped the vampires to burn the <strike>plot point tree</strike> white oak tree because that's the only thing that can kill an Original Vampire.</div>
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Meanwhile, in A Grotty
Bar Somewhere in Virginia, Damon dances on tables
with girls in an effort to remind Stefan what freedom is so that he'll try to get out of Klaus's hold. Stefan isn't optimistic & says that Klaus can't be killed. But what's this? Someone disagrees? Someone in a rather dapper suit! It's Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire!<br />
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Suits you sir!</div>
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Meanwhile, in
FLASHBACKS, we learn that Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire's greatest shame is Klaus the Werepire, because - gasp! - Esther once had an affair with a werewolf & that's how Klaus was born! Esther, who seems like a real charmer, disowned Klaus once Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire found out about his origins but Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire was not satisfied! So he killed the whole village! And then he killed Esther! By tearing her heart from her chest as Klaus watched! What a family. And after that, Klaus & Elijah & Rebekah vowed to stick together as one
Always & Forever ROUSING MUSIC.<br />
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Life Lesson #9: Women, if you are unfaithful you will give birth to an Evil English Werepire, so choose your husbands carefully!<br />
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Elena wants to know why Always & Forever means Even After You Locked Me in a Coffin For Ninety Years but Rebekah explains that Klaus is her brother & she's immortal, so there's really no one else to love. So actually, poor Rebekah just wants a friend.<br />
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Mean Girl Score: Rebekah 1, Elena 2.<br />
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And then she adds that if Elena does anything to harm her brother, Rebekah will rip her apart.<br />
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Mean Girl Score: Rebekah 2, Elena 2.</div>
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Back in A Grotty Bar Somewhere in Virginia, Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire plunges his hand through Damon's chest & threatens to rip out his heart if Stefan doesn't tell him where Klaus is! But Stefan's compelled not to say! And anyway, he's EVIL now, so why would he care if Damon died? As it turns out, he's not ALL evil, because at the very last minute he finds a loophole: he can't tell Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire where Klaus is, but can lure Klaus back to Mystic Falls!<br />
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Meanwhile, back in Mystic Falls, Alaric & his Viking Rune Deciphering Post-Its have figured out the real story about the Original Vampires, & it's not the one Rebekah's been told. (Although it does seem silly to leave the whole story written on a cave wall where anyone with a post-it note can read it.)</div>
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Elena goes back to Rebekah's place (where Rebekah is drinking whiskey, because champagne is for the morning & whiskey's for the afternoon - man, I wish I could be an Original Viking Vampire) to
explain what Alaric's post-it notes have discovered. According to the post-its, a werepire killed the original witch, & Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire is no werepire!</div>
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Klaus the Evil <strike>English</strike> Viking Werepire is so evil that he killed his own mother! And then he lied & said it was his father so Rebekah wouldn't hate him! Understandably, Rebekah has a hard time adjusting to this information. And what do you get when you upset a 1000 year old teenage vampire?<br />
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BLOODLUSTY STRANGLE ANGER, that's what! (Don't worry, I get that sometimes
too, Rebekah.) But then, because I suspect that Evil Original Vampire Rebekah is gonna become a good guy now, she lets Elena go.</div>
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Meanwhile, in A Grotty Bar's Carpark Somewhere in Virginia, the Salvatore brothers are having a heart-to-heart. The heart-to-heart goes a little something like this:<br />
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DAMON: Aw, see now? You really do care.<br />
STEFAN: I really don't.<br />
DAMON: Careful now, your humanity's showing.<br />
STEFAN: Hey, I'm totally badass & have no humanity. I don't care about you, or about anything, & when Klaus is dead I'll be free to go away from you & Elena & all the stupidheads & just pout by myself forever. So there.<br />
DAMON: It's okay, bro, sometimes I have Feelings too.<br />
STEFAN: Careful now, your humanity's showing.<br />
DAMON: *<i>PUNCH*</i></div>
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AUDIENCE: VAMPIRE FIGHT!!!<br />
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(Damon wins the vampire fight because even
when he's the Good Guy he's still a little bit badass.)</div>
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And now it's time for everyone's favourite Deep & Meaningful Emo Pop Song Closing Scene!<br />
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This week's song is all about being all alone & how nothing has changed & Rebekah cries by a roaring
fire. Cut to Elena's house, where Damon has made himself comfortable on her bed while she was in the bathroom. Damon tells Elena what he's done & explains that Stefan's a bigger dick than ever, but now he's a dick that's on their side & the song is about wanting to be someone else instead. As expected, Elena's not as thrilled about that information as she could be, because she's thinking about Rebekah who is not a dick but is also on their side, & how she's just a girl who lost her mother too young & lets love consume her (Just like Elena, right? See what we did there?) & the song is instrumentally violinny & Very Sad & Elena talks about how there is no bond more important than the Bond Of Family. Then the song says something about being written on the wind & Elena tells Damon that Stefan won't be saved because he loves her, but because he loves Damon, because (& I'm paraphrasing here)
BROMANCE IS STRONGER THAN LOVE. Then Elena & Damon lie romantically (& entirely chastely) in bed together & the song says that if it were me it'd have a little trust. I'm not too sure about that now, song, I mean, I don't see a post-emo-pop-song-closing-scene cliffhanger this episode. How do you expect me to trust when you change things around like this? Although I know there's one thing we can all have trust in. That's right: BROMANCE.<br />
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Life Lesson #10: Bromance: it's stronger than love.</div>Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-80526095036955896442012-01-16T16:26:00.000+00:002012-01-16T16:26:18.268+00:00Important Life Lessons & Even More Ghosts than Last Time: The Vampire Diaries 3:7 Recap<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have been a Very Bad Blogger & have missed a whole bunch of episodes of <i>The Vampire Diaries</i> which is clearly inexcusable so I just won't try to apologise. Instead, I propose some recaps! Lots of recaps! ALL the recaps! Here is what has been happening up to now in our favourite TV show about a girl who is a doppelgänger of an evil vampire who is in love with two vampire brothers who are both in love with the original doppelgänger girl & we're not quite sure which of them is supposed to be the Good Brother or the Bad Boy Brother in any given week. Also there are ghosts. And werepires. And witches who are all African-American because that makes sense. Actually, everything in this show makes perfect sense. Especially Viking names, as you will discover shortly.<br />
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When we left Mystic
Falls many, many moons ago (too many moons ago), our loveable heroine
Elena was in quite a pickle. Not only has her mopey vampire boyfriend Stefan gone Off the Rails & become a blood-drinking Ripper who is under the control of Evil English Klaus, who is a werepire, but her mopey boyfriend's charming & roguish brother Damon totally has the hots for her & isn't particularly subtle about it. But does she like him back? Or is she just not ready yet to admit that Stefan is Lost to Her Forever?<br />
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At the same time, Elena's little brother Jeremy (who is dating her best friend Bonnie, who is African-American & so therefore is a witch) has started seeing ghosts. Most importantly, he has started seeing the his staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriends in the flesh! (Yes, he has more than one staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriend. This is just that type of show.)<br />
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Also, Evil English Klaus (who is an Original Vampire as well as being evil, English, & a werepire) has an Evil English sister called Rebecca who is mostly evil in the sense that characters in <i>Mean Girls</i> are evil. Also, she is on the cheerleading squad, which is exactly where you'd expect a 1000 year-old Original Vampire to be. Evil English Klaus & Slightly Petty Rebecca are also in a pickle because they are running from Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire, who wants to hunt them. Because they're vampires. Katherine, the vampire of whom Elena is a doppelgänger (is that even grammatically correct?) has just released Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire from his tomb, so Klaus & Rebecca are really in for it this time.<br />
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Oh & also also also, Elena's
friend Caroline the Bossy Blond Vampire is going out with Tyler who
used to be a jock & then became a werewolf & now has been
turned into an Angry Jock Werepire by Klaus. Also also, Tyler's uncle
Mason, who was a werewolf but then was killed by Damon & Alaric
(who is the father figure of the show) is now a ghost & seems to
delight in invisibly torturing Damon.</div>
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Got all that? Okay,
let's race through this recap together because there are plenty more
to come!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJR1UeGsROVKRFB38mZPnIcZq5yPJU2cGFxHYFAZwJa3K5sKHvsV4XqriZj12qaiQXnHt3FpITWX7FJvuG_FnUCE5E3vApMfn57K2Xrmxuoo19XRblN8r7Xw0W5So4P2ISrwQRYAImJOrZ/s1600/Untitled2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJR1UeGsROVKRFB38mZPnIcZq5yPJU2cGFxHYFAZwJa3K5sKHvsV4XqriZj12qaiQXnHt3FpITWX7FJvuG_FnUCE5E3vApMfn57K2Xrmxuoo19XRblN8r7Xw0W5So4P2ISrwQRYAImJOrZ/s400/Untitled2.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b><br />
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The episode starts with
Damon being tortured for a while before cutting to yet another town
event that has something to do with the founding fathers. Anna the
staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriend of Jeremy is still around,
& looking a lot more like a staked-vampire-turned-ghost
girlfriend than a staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriend (thank
the founders for the copy-paste tool). You know what, let's just call them ghostpires from now on, shall we?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEV7App4RhmJKsDlIZ0bMVeRWq7Tc8rhSujZpzPFAJI0hkQArdxH1jrYP8UgjWQcKTDwiyQ4R8gaR00Ee7pAKeK2UXct6xhA4odXYVBlFedzCbiy9Wc8UuZB4A_bb6qUmWG71gKiVN_NjM/s1600/3.7+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEV7App4RhmJKsDlIZ0bMVeRWq7Tc8rhSujZpzPFAJI0hkQArdxH1jrYP8UgjWQcKTDwiyQ4R8gaR00Ee7pAKeK2UXct6xhA4odXYVBlFedzCbiy9Wc8UuZB4A_bb6qUmWG71gKiVN_NjM/s400/3.7+1.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Jeremy very subtly
holds Anna's invisible hand in public. I know, Alaric, I feel the same way.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Bonnie learns that the
ghosts being more visible than usual is All Her Fault & that
losing her boyfriend to a dead girl is just one of the consequences
of bring him back to life. Elena learns that in the past, every time
Stefan went Off the Rails his best friend Lexie staged an
intervention & made him flat-haired & broody again. But now
Lexie is dead. If only we knew someone who could communicate with
ghosts!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In other news, Matt is
still Very Sad, Caroline is trying to set him up with Bonnie, Stefan
quips a lot when he's evil, werewolf-turned-ghost (wereghost?) Mason is still
pretty pissed off that Damon & Alaric killed him that one time, &
Bonnie & Caroline are trying to find a way to make the ghosts go
back to being invisible presences that can see living people at all
times (like, even in the toilet) but can't communicate with them &
just go around being all stalkery & invisible &
(understandably) rather depressed.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #1: When
you die, it really sucks.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #2: The
only private places to do spells are abandoned haunted buildings.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Of course.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So while Bonnie &
Caroline are invoking the power of <strike>the 100 dead witches</strike> Bonnie's dead witch grandmother, Jeremy & Anna OMG KISS.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #3: It's
totes not cheating if the other girl's dead.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Bonnie & her
grandmother then proceed to underline what I've said about this show
from the beginning (i.e. NOBODY EVER STAYS DEAD IN THIS GODDAMN SHOW)
by bringing ALL THE GHOSTS back to life. ALL OF THEM!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Luckily, one of those
ALL THE GHOSTS is Lexie, whose first order of business as a
now-corporeal ghostpire is to give Stefan a lecture about how terribly
Off the Rails he is. And when he acts all Bad Boyish & tells her
he doesn't care, Lexie smashes his face into a car window. Cause
that's the only way to get through to addicts.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtfu8F2GjgM7IegfU-Dqt3s9Vc8E6xs1306nwpBrndAqfyf9yZXMW8muk1QyBSAVsvyWxSW1SNxnEEvOsOsFOJup1oOBzz892Whj9uoJBs0K0UTSxFaM7F4eaUbE04S_mto-F3iXYfJEkD/s1600/3.7+3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtfu8F2GjgM7IegfU-Dqt3s9Vc8E6xs1306nwpBrndAqfyf9yZXMW8muk1QyBSAVsvyWxSW1SNxnEEvOsOsFOJup1oOBzz892Whj9uoJBs0K0UTSxFaM7F4eaUbE04S_mto-F3iXYfJEkD/s400/3.7+3.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Lexie: she is the
badassest.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, in the
creepy abandoned building, Grams tells us that everything is all
Bonnie's fault because when she brought Jeremy back from the dead she
left The Gates open & then all the <strike>cows</strike> ghosts
got out. How does Grams know all this? Because</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #4: Witches
don't let a little thing like death stop them from gossiping.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Naturally, though,
there is a way to close The Gates. Can you guess what it is? That's
right! It's Elena's Magic Witchy Necklace that Stefan gave her when
he was a Good Guy & that belonged to Rebecca before that &
before Rebecca had it it belonged to the Original Witch. Bonnie must
now destroy the necklace, but with Lexie about to start Elena on the
Stefan-Ripper Detox Crash Course, Elena doesn't want to close the
gates any more.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, Mason,
unlike Lexie, has got his priorities straight. His first order of
business as a now-corporeal wereghost is to go to the pub. Turns out, he
doesn't want revenge against Alaric & Damon, he just wants to
drink. And to help our heroes find a weapon that can kill Klaus so
that his newly werepired nephew can break free from Klaus's control.
Oh, & he also wants Damon to apologise for having killed him.
Which Damon does. Adorably.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
That creepy dungeon
cell under the Mystic Falls jail really does get its uses, doesn't
it? This episode, it is the setting for Elena & Lexie's ghostpire intervention.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimZa_WEQodU0CNI6r1ZaMyXLa_GN0bgYqJE79_L7hCfL8MkpT14nIKzJmSfmlOVVC7E-g0-LvlSo1SCnnz6Nf1VvWhwheUCpfDTZyaSRbqVxV5lJcqEsxU6Bn6QUlGv6UgI3drHFF2VW4T/s1600/3.7+4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimZa_WEQodU0CNI6r1ZaMyXLa_GN0bgYqJE79_L7hCfL8MkpT14nIKzJmSfmlOVVC7E-g0-LvlSo1SCnnz6Nf1VvWhwheUCpfDTZyaSRbqVxV5lJcqEsxU6Bn6QUlGv6UgI3drHFF2VW4T/s400/3.7+4.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In which we learn that
Lexie is so badass she can use ONLY HER EYES</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-60yrJ-ZzLjL0tE_bKpLA2ih8AZFPyKwQtxC6_aSsVzTMzjX4p6KA_qfxH0M0MRmTo1vbmN5BgbBByrOmCuIWjwTigzhHk92hI8BDFjkYIEzSRM5F4UuPIPfwsZCjmprVZzmzKZ62txN0/s1600/3.7+5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-60yrJ-ZzLjL0tE_bKpLA2ih8AZFPyKwQtxC6_aSsVzTMzjX4p6KA_qfxH0M0MRmTo1vbmN5BgbBByrOmCuIWjwTigzhHk92hI8BDFjkYIEzSRM5F4UuPIPfwsZCjmprVZzmzKZ62txN0/s400/3.7+5.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
To make Stefan do this:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJzcKXUGDl4_0sw_v_h_CmAQ-iYUo7LXdJRc5EcgdUTBaqmjArf7mblLCm3JgaJSMKLDn6r0KuPk49TqVyd-bPgqizeEZSGULyg9EdDLofUF1Ntg3TMovMNNwGRWWMeShHmJMarn_dAQca/s1600/3.7+6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJzcKXUGDl4_0sw_v_h_CmAQ-iYUo7LXdJRc5EcgdUTBaqmjArf7mblLCm3JgaJSMKLDn6r0KuPk49TqVyd-bPgqizeEZSGULyg9EdDLofUF1Ntg3TMovMNNwGRWWMeShHmJMarn_dAQca/s400/3.7+6.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(Elena takes detailed notes.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Lexie's Sexy Eyes can
also make Stefan believe he has been starving of blood for about
three months. Hallucinations & high jinks ensue.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, in the
Secret Prehistoric Viking Caves underneath the town (yes, you did
just read that right), Mason & Damon may have found a clue to the
whereabouts of the weapon that can kill Klaus.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At the same time,
Caroline tells Bonnie that her boyfriend's been cheating on her with
his ghostpire ex-girlfriend, Lexie starts to
torture Stefan as part of the intervention but Elena turns & runs
because she clearly doesn't have what it takes to put a Ripper back
on the straight & narrow path, & a whole bunch of
ghostpires turn up at the town celebrations &
start killing members of the founding families.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTFP1P_FeGtsrYN7Ojk4zh05tSwwugGFcLvvEUqbh5n_ymjzGAXtimsIjZkcHv_iXsIyschTT66eZj-X2qaDnEETeDg8KGrrNbUPvjOchY475R8jP0Slx-SumjHd6l86-_vSuC4_vssd02/s1600/3.7+7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTFP1P_FeGtsrYN7Ojk4zh05tSwwugGFcLvvEUqbh5n_ymjzGAXtimsIjZkcHv_iXsIyschTT66eZj-X2qaDnEETeDg8KGrrNbUPvjOchY475R8jP0Slx-SumjHd6l86-_vSuC4_vssd02/s400/3.7+7.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I'm surprised there are
any of them left at this stage.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Unfortunately, the
Magic Witchy Necklace is missing, so there's no way to make the
founder-killing ghostpires go away. Did Anna steal
the necklace? Let's have a look at her motivations:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<ul>
<li>According to <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i>, when you die
you do not a) simply cease existing, or b) go to some kind of heaven.
Instead you hang around, stalking the people you love who are still
living because there's nothing else to do. You can see living people
but you can't see other ghosts, & no one can see you, so you're
horribly alone & lonely & afraid all the time. Isn't that
nice?</li>
<li>Anna is still in love with Jeremy, & he can see her & now
kiss her. (Anna likes kisses.) When she was properly dead, she didn't get any kisses. Or any interaction of any kind.</li>
<li>Anna doesn't know where her mother is, if she's Moved On, or if she
is just as lonely & scared as Anna herself is. Anna would like to know where her mother is.</li>
<li>But Anna knows how much havoc Vicki the other ghostpire ex-girlfriend wreaked when she became visible a few episodes ago, & she knows how dangerous it is for all the humans (including Jeremy) to have The Gates open for so long, because a lot of Evil Things can come through The Gates & if the Balance of Life & Death isn't upheld it could lead to a lot of disaster & destruction & other such unpleasant things, including but not limited to The End of the World As We Know It.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So
what do you think, did Anna steal the necklace?
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-nLFHF6jlBTx8UpK31O0AInc1IkDSNiUw0VcRnwTRIMftAZF3Xh8gx2MUwr1VgKZeGuiqOSd368BdZlyVMX3nnw_Ewo3F7gypMR7tsRroHaQVKeOiIGFeLYDtzv94QXjWxp4JE7uMgQWu/s1600/Untitled.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-nLFHF6jlBTx8UpK31O0AInc1IkDSNiUw0VcRnwTRIMftAZF3Xh8gx2MUwr1VgKZeGuiqOSd368BdZlyVMX3nnw_Ewo3F7gypMR7tsRroHaQVKeOiIGFeLYDtzv94QXjWxp4JE7uMgQWu/s400/Untitled.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Of
course Anna stole the necklace.</div>
<br />
<br />
<b><br /></b><br />
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena lectures Anna on
letting Jeremy go, Anna returns the necklace, the
ghostpires run around attacking people &
somewhere in the midst of all of this Caroline finds the time to be
completely awesome & single-handedly save Mrs Lockwood from
impending death. Go Caroline!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Jeremy & Anna say their goodbyes, Jeremy gives Bonnie the necklace, & Elena tells Lexie she's out of time because the necklace is about to be destroyed. In an effort to reconnect him with his humanity, Lexie reminds Stefan that the necklace has always represented hope for him. Stefan thinks it's pretty ironic that while that's true, & it could be the key to de-Ripperfying him, the necklace in question is about to be blown into pieces.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And now it's time for
everyone's favourite Deep & Meaningful emo pop-song closing
scene!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This week's song seems
to be about standing outside & Bonnie & her ghost grandmother
chant in Latin as the Magic Witchy Necklace burns. Cut to the party
where Caroline beats up ALL THE GHOSTPIRES & the song says
something about crowds & falling. Cut to the Secret Prehistoric
Viking Caves (into which Damon is not invited, I forgot to mention)
where Mason holds up his light & says that he has Found Something
& the song is all about giving me peace. Then he conveniently
disappears before letting Damon know what he's seen. Cut to the
dungeon where Lexie tells Elena that's Stefan's still in there &
the song is all about giving me love. Elena tells Lexie she knows
what to do now (I mean, <i>I </i>wouldn't
mind learning that Sexy Eye Trick...) & Lexie disappears too. Cut
to the town where a Very Sad Anna is walking away but looks up &
sees her mother. They hug & disappear together & the song is
about crying but not letting it show. Cut to the abandoned house
where Grams tells Bonnie she is stronger than all of this & the
song is about all the things you wanted to do but never did. Then
Grams disappears too & everybody's crying & the song ends &
we start on the weekly post-emo-pop-song-dramatic-montage
cliffhanger scene.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Aaand it's a Beautiful
Bromance scene! I <i>love</i>
Beautiful Bromance scenes! Damon, who is still stuck in the Secret
Prehistoric Viking Caves but can't get further than a certain point
because the Prehistoric Vikings never thought to let him in, has
called Alaric to come help because, apart from Elena, Alaric is the
only person he trusts. All together now, awwww. Alaric, however,
doesn't trust Damon since Damon killed him that one time. In a rather
epically adorable scene, Damon apologises to Alaric with the exact
same words he used to apologise to Mason (only he means them this
time). Then he shows Alaric his Flirty Face:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicoRkSCmiANX7mvZfoZuRXQTkoG-0-kl4CjuBt1FG3qi1LBLmZdtGdWbM1kmCQ_WAO7KgCekwAmAkTWtICgqHbCiZXrXe9ZTQVuoAgoc-DoqU155hJujPYkLrZdghLfcMdGjjrpkKxgTx3/s1600/3.7+9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicoRkSCmiANX7mvZfoZuRXQTkoG-0-kl4CjuBt1FG3qi1LBLmZdtGdWbM1kmCQ_WAO7KgCekwAmAkTWtICgqHbCiZXrXe9ZTQVuoAgoc-DoqU155hJujPYkLrZdghLfcMdGjjrpkKxgTx3/s400/3.7+9.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, Stefan wants
to know what Elena's going to do now that Lexie & her Sexy Eyes
have disappeared. Elena is not going to Give Up Hope but tells Stefan
that if he doesn't find his humanity again he'll lose her forever
because she has learned a lot from her little brother's ghostpire
misadventures & refuses to love a ghost. Stefan ponders this, sweatily.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmxJG9Mjv0jCq9PiLZa6ixKcOonsr6Yz0uWDMaQ-3iDtqAFCCbstcJtevF9uIAKzQJwGUBtJj1C6W0AJJ7kNc9EDTh6gH1WSvS4jEaRO4vKOLyS-mokk_oii4TDTaW46X5c5npyeyKaGpW/s1600/3.7+10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmxJG9Mjv0jCq9PiLZa6ixKcOonsr6Yz0uWDMaQ-3iDtqAFCCbstcJtevF9uIAKzQJwGUBtJj1C6W0AJJ7kNc9EDTh6gH1WSvS4jEaRO4vKOLyS-mokk_oii4TDTaW46X5c5npyeyKaGpW/s400/3.7+10.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Then Elena locks him in
the dungeon.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In the haunted house,
Bonnie is Very Sad & (understandably) angry at Jeremy. But then
there comes a strange noise from the fireplace! The fire flashes! The
necklace reappears in the flames, completely whole! Even freakin
<i>necklaces</i> don't stay dead in
this show!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back in the Secret
Prehistoric Viking Caves, Alaric finds what Mason was looking at when
he disappeared. The big secret to destroying Klaus forever is...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf0Ld-ye4hH9DEIOMrrqeVjNitaiCuDXxRmqZPZRzSQ1BvQHQueJUg8hpqd32U2VZ8gYxrqEcact27WJCqZ6tukQ4yOTV1LblgRUB2jydXVle47qGy8bTfbMppOiMH4EH2GqdOPBJM3dGp/s1600/3.7+11.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf0Ld-ye4hH9DEIOMrrqeVjNitaiCuDXxRmqZPZRzSQ1BvQHQueJUg8hpqd32U2VZ8gYxrqEcact27WJCqZ6tukQ4yOTV1LblgRUB2jydXVle47qGy8bTfbMppOiMH4EH2GqdOPBJM3dGp/s400/3.7+11.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
A cave painting of some
horses??</div>
<br />Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-13127696869883700872011-12-19T12:08:00.001+00:002013-01-04T21:37:56.260+00:00Ashes by Isla J Bick<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHw01HqjI8GYABRbl2rfrjzyf4FkOIHIzFbq0i6t5vARLxnvkNfd27bO7UBNmfeuQ9vg_Wj8p_lTUB7UqaLxqt1zsU3309c6E-UOwEG0HNX02lpfsW-0ve2uukzNg6zNi4Z43JlbC_ku65/s1600/Ashes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHw01HqjI8GYABRbl2rfrjzyf4FkOIHIzFbq0i6t5vARLxnvkNfd27bO7UBNmfeuQ9vg_Wj8p_lTUB7UqaLxqt1zsU3309c6E-UOwEG0HNX02lpfsW-0ve2uukzNg6zNi4Z43JlbC_ku65/s400/Ashes.jpg" width="260" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So you know when you
pick up a book in the shop (after having judged it by its cover, of
course), what's your criteria for determining if you think the
book'll be good or not? Mine's pretty simple: I look at the cover, I
look at the back cover, I read the prologue & the first few
lines. Then, usually, I have an idea about whether or not I think
I'll be interested in the whole book.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Here is the back cover
synopsis of <i>Ashes</i>:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Seventeen-year-old
Alex is hiking through the wilderness when it happens: an
earth-shattering electromagnetic pulse that destroys almost
everything.</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Survivors are
divided between those who have developed a superhuman sense &
those who have acquired a taste for human flesh. These flesh-hunters
stalk the land: hungry, ruthless & increasingly clever...</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Alex meets Tom, a
young army veteran, & Ellie, a lost girl. They will fight
together & be torn apart, but Alex must face the most difficult
question of all: who can you trust?</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So
already this book ticks a couple of boxes. Standard YA
pretty-girl's-face-half-obscured cover? Check! Dystopia? Awesome!
Zombies? Has potential! Probably resourceful female protagonist?
Excellent! So I open the book, & that's when it happens.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Picture
the scene if you will: me, beautiful, gorgeous, exquisite, radiant reader
standing in the book shop, too old to be in the children's section
but looks about sixteen so nobody bats an eye, coming face to face
with The Greatest Prologue Ever. Now, I'm not generally a big fan of
prologues. I write them, I read them (it's very unusual to find a
young adult book without one) but I very rarely find that they
actually add to the story. Except this one. This prologue puts all
other prologues to shame. This may be the Prologue to End All
Prologues.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Within
the first six pages of this Most Wonderful Prologue of All this is
what you, the reader, learn: Alex is hiking completely alone. Her
aunt Hannah (presumably her legal guardian) calls her, not knowing
where she is. Alex has her father's gun. She is not suicidal but has
been in the past. She also has a brain tumour & the treatments
she's been taking aren't working so she wants to take this hike while
she still can. She is competent & resourceful (& has a
wonderful narrative voice - all wry humour & matter-of-factness)
& this'll be the last time she'll ever speak to her aunt again.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
just like that, you're hooked. There is no way you can't buy this
book. The protagonist is clever, she has a fascinating backstory, &
you know that zombies are going to come along at any minute. So you
buy the book & read on.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(Also,
because I think everybody should read this book, this review will
contain NO MAJOR SPOILERS. I hope.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
That
hooked feeling of <i>I can't stop reading now because Something
Dramatic is going to happen that will Change Everything</i> lasts for
pretty much the entire book. Every chapter ends with a cliffhanger
that is carefully placed for you to keep turning the pages as fast as
you can. The sudden apocalypse in the middle of nowhere is pretty
much standard zombie fare, but the distinction between those who die
immediately & those who become zombies is very interesting, &
the fact that Alex, Ellie & Tom are pretty much alone in the
wilderness for most of the book actually amplifies the
post-apocalyptic anxiety.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Ashes </i>is
more or less split into two halves. The first half is fast-paced &
hell-for-leather. The three characters, Alex, nine-year-old Ellie &
twenty-year-old army dude Tom are all equally fascinating, &
their relationships are complex & human, & make a lot of
sense in context. Still, Alex's relationship with every other
character is tinged with varying levels of uncertainty. Even grumpy
Ellie & love-interest Tom are potentially keeping big secrets. So
the first half swoops you, the reader, up & doesn't put you down
until approximately halfway through the book, when Alex finds herself
in Rule, a cultish little town that proves to be strangely adept at
keeping the zombies at bay.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
After
that, the action slows down significantly but by now you're almost
grateful because you've developed craps from turning pages so quickly
& you really need a cup of tea.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
second half of the book is paced very differently & almost loses
its voice a little - Alex is suddenly a lot less Alexy - but the
chapters set in Rule end up being a little like the Hallows-searching
sections in <i>Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows</i>.
A lot of readers thought those chapters were dull & lagging, but
I like to see them as evidence of the writer emerging the reader in
the characters' worlds. The characters feel bored &
disillusioned, so the reader does too. I think that's what happens in
<i>Ashes</i>. The various
circumstances that bring Alex to Rule take their toll & so the
character changes, & the story, so bound up in the character's
narration, changes too. It's interesting in its own way, & it
lets us see Alex, & the world she's suddenly woken up in - in a
different light.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Then,
about eight chapters from the end (this is a big book with small
chapters), you forget everything I just said (just like you forget
the fact that my pronouns are completely mixed up today) . The pace
picks up, the action kick-starts again & within a few pages
there's no way you're putting this book down again. By the time you
close the book you're absolutely aching for the sequel, which,
unfortunately, won't be available for another year.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Ashes</i>, however, is. So if you like dystopias or zombies or
survival-in-the-wilderness narratives or post-apocalyptic fiction (&
who doesn't?) you really should at the very least read the Prologue
of Amazingness. And I defy you not to read the whole book after that.
</div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-50507706307973077942011-12-09T13:16:00.001+00:002011-12-12T15:18:40.292+00:00November & Novels Oh MySo! I haven't written
here in a long time, but I have a good reason, honest. Actually, I've
got several. Mostly, my reasons are all about how I couldn't put
words down here because I was using them all up elsewhere. Namely, my
thesis & my NaNoWriMo novel.<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I wrote over fifty
thousand words in November & on the first of December I deleted
about seven thousand of them & proceeded to rewrite them from
scratch. I'm currently bumped back up, wordcount-wise (the whole
thing will be somewhere between sixty & seventy thousand words),
& coming in on the last section of the story, which is quite
intense & a pretty exciting situation to be in - seeing this
story I started just over a month ago come full circle, teasing out
conclusions, letting my characters get as dramatic as they want to be
because it's almost the end & endings are always dramatic.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The story is called <i>The
Accident Season </i>& it's
a young adult contemporary book imbued with enough magic realism to
sink an airship & it has absolutely nothing to do with vampires,
werewolves or any kind of remotely supernatural teen (okay, maybe
there's a mention of ghosts & a tiny smidgeon of
story-within-a-story fairies, but shush, that totally doesn't count)
because I figure that as I spend every other waking moment thinking &
reading & writing about vampires, it'd be nice to get a break
every once in a while.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And it has been nice.
It's been very nice. I'm happier with this than I have been with
anything I've written for a long time (& I'm generally quite
happy with what I write). Mostly, I've been having a lot of fun with
it, which is sort of what writing's all about.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So although I'm sorry
for neglecting this pretty little blog (seriously, look at that
floral wallpaper, it's beautiful), I'm very glad I'm nearly finished
the first draft of this pretty little book because I think it already
has a lot of potential. I'll stop neglecting this place very soon. In
fact I've kind of started now, haven't I? Because I have lots of
things I want to write about, books I've read I'd like to review &
Serious Academic Notes on Breaking Dawn that I'd like to share with
those of you lucky enough not to be forced to sit through it because
you're writing a thesis on teenage vampires. ("Why oh why???"
is the lament of the moment, multiple exclamation marks & all.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
What about you guys,
did you do NaNoWriMo this year? Any other year? (It's my third, I
think, non-consecutive.) What did you write? How did you find it?
What are you going to do with your stories now?</div>Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-21848953904877445332011-11-10T13:37:00.000+00:002013-01-04T21:38:09.928+00:00Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-bRmaZrLu9IfI6tbpikQTTFfEkR_AA9Jr0Qzj0wKnyyXBoUt7B1Od0yBcsLs8R4e1BMwX4z8pI8gUaD_akM3kbxtddKo3KSqwQKLz0rmyjW1cLHNBQAzc629RdRdORWwG90EnHiQnPvME/s1600/wicked-lovely-uk-cover-melissa-marr-593248_298_480.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-bRmaZrLu9IfI6tbpikQTTFfEkR_AA9Jr0Qzj0wKnyyXBoUt7B1Od0yBcsLs8R4e1BMwX4z8pI8gUaD_akM3kbxtddKo3KSqwQKLz0rmyjW1cLHNBQAzc629RdRdORWwG90EnHiQnPvME/s400/wicked-lovely-uk-cover-melissa-marr-593248_298_480.jpg" width="247" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
(This isn't about <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>, sorry. I will totally catch up soon though, I promise.)<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
When faced with a book
synopsis that starts with <i>Rule #3: Don't stare at invisible
faeries</i>, I was equal parts
intrigued & disinterested. I was intrigued because that's a
really great line, & disinterested because <i>faeries</i>,
really? The prologue had me a little wary (it seemed to be very much
of the <i>fairies</i>,
really? variety) but my disinterest soon became reading-on-the-bus
interest & even
reading-while-walking-from-one-bus-stop-to-the-next interest. So let
me preface this review by saying that I liked the book. And that I
bumped into a lot of people while reading it. And a couple of
lampposts.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Here
is the full inside-cover synopsis:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Rule #3: Don't stare
at invisible faeries.</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Aislinn has always
seen faeries. Powerful & dangerous, they walk hidden in mortal
world. Aislinn fears their cruelty - especially if they learn of her
Sight - & wishes she were as blind to their presence as other
teens.</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Rule #2: Don't speak
to invisible faeries.</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Now faeries are
stalking her. One of them, Keenan, who is equal parts terrifying and
alluring, is trying to talk to her, asking questions Aislinn is
afraid to answer.</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>Rule #1: Don't ever
attract their attention.</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>But it's too late.
Keenan is the Summer King & has sought his queen for nine
centuries. Without her, summer itself will perish. He is determined
that Aislinn will become the Summer Queen at any cost...</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(There will probably be
spoilers in the rest of this review, so don't read it if you plan on
reading the book. Unless you like spoilers. Some people are into that
sort of thing.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Aislinn is a
pool-playing, rock-music-loving teenager who is just a little bit
traumatised by the pretty horrific acts that faeries do to &
around humans without our knowledge. She's always ignored the faeries
she can see, until one of them becomes strangely fascinated by her &
won't stop following her around. She finally confides in her
friend-&-sort-of-love-interest Seth, & they decide to find
out what Keenan the faerie Summer King & his tragic Winter Girl
Donia want with her.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
What Keenan wants is
for her to be his queen, because that's ultimately what all <strike>men</strike> faeries want. He has also wanted a lot of other girls to be his queen
in the last few centuries but only his One True Love can hold the
staff of the Winter Queen without being burned by the frost & any
girl who fails becomes a cold, bitter Winter Girl, endlessly bound to
Keenan & always in pain, waiting for the next girl he chooses to
try to take the staff. Any girl with whom Keenan falls in love
becomes marked & begins to change into a faerie, so those who
choose to try taking the staff & fail become pain-filled Winter
Girls & those who refuse to try become pleasure-seeking Summer
Girls. Women of both seasons are equally bound to Keenan. Overseeing
all of this is Keenan's Very Evil mother, the power-hungry Winter
Queen, who will stop at nothing to ensure that Keenan fails to find a
Summer Queen, & who wants the world to be trapped in an Endless
Winter Mwahahahaha.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So. The plot works
well despite not being the most gripping, as do the various moments of menace & tension throughout
the book, the wonderfully realistic & really quite creepy
descriptions of the faeries, & a couple of spark-bright
characters.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Aislinn's a pretty cool
heroine. She's smart & capable & doesn't make any silly
mistakes (unlike a certain famous heroine *cough*Bella*cough*). She
also has an Awesome Feminist Grandma. Keenan is presented as
charismatic but comes off as selfish, manipulative & stalkery
(not unlike another supernatural love interest I could name). Donia
is multi-layered & conflicted, & not presented as the angsty
jealous lover she could easily have been. The relationship between
her & Aislinn is one of the most interesting relationships in the
book, & while I feel like it could have used more screen time (so
to speak) it works really well & definitely adds something to the
otherwise pretty straight-forward romance. However, Seth is a little
too perfect to be a teenage boy, & the Winter Queen is like
something out of a pantomime.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
It's not that I
necessarily need my faerie queens to be terribly believable, but
one-dimensional villains that are a bit camp & more like Disney
baddies than actual antagonists aren't as scary as the kind of
unsettling villains you can almost understand. As for Seth, well,
he's the boy all teenage girls who hate Edward Cullen dream of
having. He & Aislinn start off as friends & he waits
patiently for her to notice their growing attraction. Before they
sleep together, he gets a full STI test & presents her with the
papers. He makes the first move but respectfully (& very
obviously) waits for her to retaliate & asks her if she's okay
with what they're doing every step of the way. He won't have sex with
her for the first time when she's feeling fragile & later even
lectures her on the importance of consent. Oh & he goes down on
her & is totally really great at it. And I am all for
anti-Edward-Cullen characters, I really am. I am all for safe sex &
the importance of consent & cunnilingus & other alliterative
acts but Seth is not like any teenage boy I ever knew (no offence to the teenage boys I used to know). And that sort
of takes away a bit from the believability of his character. Having
said that, it's refreshing to see a kind, respectful young man as
love interest in a supernatural young adult book, because those kinds
of characters are few & far between.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I worried for about
half the book that this was going to pull a Twilight with Team Keenan
winning out over Team Seth in the end as the Summer King got
progressively more sympathetic but it almost feels like <i>Wicked
Lovely</i> was written in direct
retaliation to texts like <i>Twilight</i>
& although you sort of got where Keenan was coming from at the
end, he's still a manipulative spoiled brat & Aislinn is smart
enough to realise this.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
All
in all, <i>Wicked Lovely</i>
was a lot better than I was expecting. It turns the tired tropes of
<i>Twilight </i>& many of
its offshoots on their heads, the action is pretty fast paced while
still allowing for a certain amount of character development (if only
for a select few) & both Aislinn's world & the invisible
faerie world that exists alongside it are vibrant & believable. I
won't be tripping over my feet to buy the sequel, but I'll definitely
read it at some point, & with great pleasure.</div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-19795903935365689812011-11-05T15:38:00.000+00:002012-01-15T14:37:05.780+00:00Important Life Lessons & a Whole Bunch of Ghosts: The Vampire Diaries 3:6 Recap<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Previously on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i>, I was crap &
didn't do a recap for TWO WHOLE WEEKS which means that I haven't
watched <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>
in THREE WHOLE WEEKS (maths is not my strong point) which means I am
having SERIOUS WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS (not really) & this must be
REMEDIED IMMEDIATELY in BLOCK CAPITALS!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
What
has been happening in Mystic Falls in the last two weeks? I don't
know! Because I haven't watched <i>The Vampire Diaries </i>in
the last FOUR AND A HALF WEEKS! All manner of dramatic music,
flashbacks, and tragic montages could have happened without my
knowledge! HOW COULD I LET THIS HAPPEN? It will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!
(This is a blatant lie.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So
let's pull up a chair & a nice cup of tea, leave our block
capitals at the door (this is also a blatant lie) & get stuck in
to THREE WHOLE EPISODES of <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>!!!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(If
anything merits multiple exclamation marks, that does. Originally I
was going to do this as one long post but I think instead I'll just
post all three episodes over the one week. Which is sort of like the same thing, if you don't look too closely.)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY5unNX3KEp5DI61IL-CVUsXO2q7PjMuC57FptKSjjg38zHKw8TZqltaE7lVaSYpUMsaEYV4_SEGVF358uPdEx3g7AIUbeP1XQCtadp31vUgqMhQ4ir_u0h-uuZGkRmeWIZXV5YHPjj2PM/s1600/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY5unNX3KEp5DI61IL-CVUsXO2q7PjMuC57FptKSjjg38zHKw8TZqltaE7lVaSYpUMsaEYV4_SEGVF358uPdEx3g7AIUbeP1XQCtadp31vUgqMhQ4ir_u0h-uuZGkRmeWIZXV5YHPjj2PM/s400/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Previously,
on <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>:
Elena & Katherine are dopplegangers! Elena is the Good
Doppleganger (straight hair) & Katherine is the Evil Doppleganger
(wavy hair). Katherine is also a vampire! So are Stefan & Damon!
They are also brothers! They are also both in love with Elena like
they were once in love with Katherine a hundred years ago which isn't
weird at all! In the last two seasons, Damon was the Bad Boy Brother
& Stefan was the Good Boy Brother but then this season the Good
Brother became the Evil Brother & our whole world got turned
upside down!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
has some friends! Caroline is a Bossy Blond Vampire! She has School
Spirit, a sheriff mother & an evil father who hates vampires! She
is dating Tyler, who used to be a jock but then became a werewolf but
then got turned into a werepire by Evil English Klaus! Bonnie is a
Good Witch! She is dating Elena's brother Jeremy! Jeremy can see
ghosts! Specifically, the ghosts of his staked-vampire-turned-ghost
ex-girlfriends! One of those staked-vampire-turned-ghost
ex-girlfriends is Vicky, who was Matt's drugged-up party-girl sister
before she became a vampire & then got staked & then came
back as a ghost! Matt is also Elena's friend, & her ex-boyfriend,
& Caroline's ex-boyfriend, because teenagers' friendsgroups are
always incestuous! He's having a Very Hard Time being the only human
in a bunch of supernatural high schoolers! He even tried to kill
himself so he could communicate with his staked-vampire-turned-ghost
sister! And it worked! Because Bonnie brought him back to life
because nobody ever stays dead in this show!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Evil
English Klaus also has a sister! Her name is Rebecca & she used
to be in love with Stefan! She & Klaus are Original Vampires, &
the only thing that can kill them is Michael the Vampire-Hunting
Vampire! Katherine & Jeremy just woke him up at the end of the
last episode! Also there is a Magical Witchy Necklace but that
doesn't come up on this <i>previously on</i>!
Now on to the episode! Are you excited yet?<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwLh_esM8DUPafTNup2TmcWkWvHB9JHZDvpvTD27hji20xd4Lb1HhyphenhyphenvFxU10dQCXrP9t1sCe-oWmD34Lb87VGNjXeDSCaSPIf7IqjAg68OMRrcs3OySs2G95I4tLjsRPa5rpCkZ8NF5iPz/s1600/Untitled2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwLh_esM8DUPafTNup2TmcWkWvHB9JHZDvpvTD27hji20xd4Lb1HhyphenhyphenvFxU10dQCXrP9t1sCe-oWmD34Lb87VGNjXeDSCaSPIf7IqjAg68OMRrcs3OySs2G95I4tLjsRPa5rpCkZ8NF5iPz/s400/Untitled2.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Currently
on <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>,
Alaric is giving Elena Buffy lessons early in the morning so she can
stake Stefan when the time comes! He gives a very rousing peptalk &
tells Elena that she is the Strongest Person He Knows. Elena gives us
her best Strong Person look.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinc9NHH6d9tW66lOpid6MDCLy0ynPAzNBDF9UlNvirH7Ly5AHhJSa-djpCmt-DGrSNVUOG0_danqkUaC_D6r_fPqEdlcozAO6JZQ2ywmOwjK8AUcHGCpWgrQle8IMUQ9mrBAI-6Epr6GFo/s1600/Untitled1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinc9NHH6d9tW66lOpid6MDCLy0ynPAzNBDF9UlNvirH7Ly5AHhJSa-djpCmt-DGrSNVUOG0_danqkUaC_D6r_fPqEdlcozAO6JZQ2ywmOwjK8AUcHGCpWgrQle8IMUQ9mrBAI-6Epr6GFo/s400/Untitled1.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This
episode's emo rock song is Super Upbeat because it's Senior Year! But
then the music gets all serious because it's Stefan & Elena's
anniversary. Elena is Very Sad but Bonnie & Caroline convince her
to make this the Best Year Ever! That definitely won't come back to
haunt them!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
music gets even more rocky at the Salvatore house because Stefan's
being a Bad Boy. He's got half-naked girls playing bloody Twister on
his floor, which is mid-way between silly & creepy. But who's
this barging in unannounced? It's Rebecca! Klaus has abandoned her in
Mystic Falls & she demands to move in with the brothers! This can
only end well!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at school, Bonnie is uncomfortable with Jeremy because he's still in
contact with his staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriends. Don't
worry, Bonnie, I'd be jealous too. Matt is being Very Sad in his car
but then Vicky shows up! They reminisce about last year for a bit &
Vicky picks up on his oh-so-subtle Very Sadness. She tells him
there's a way she could come back from the dead! For good this time!
Because of course there is! But then Tyler interrupts & we don't
know what she means! (Tyler is Super Perky because he's a brand new
werepire now.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the crypt, Katherine is trying to wake up Michael the Vampire
Hunting Vampire. (Hey wait, didn't he totally wake up last episode?)
Her iPhone rings & I jump & check my phone.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #1: Vampires all have iPhones. It's about time I got used to
this.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
is our mystery caller of the day. He wants Katherine to hurry up &
wake the Vampire Hunter. He then calls Elena & tells her
Rebecca's staying with them but doesn't mention that Stefan's being
Particularly Evil with the Twister girls, & when Elena asks how
her homicidal vampire ex-boyfriend is Damon oh-so-subtly changes the
subject.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at school, Caroline wants to go to a bonfire! That's never a good
idea when you're in a show with vampires & werewolves! Speaking
of which, here comes Tyler! He's still Super Perky but what's this?
He has blood on his shirt! He insists he just spilled his blood
baggie that Rebecca gave him but we're not so sure. Caroline's
jealous of Rebecca & doesn't like that Tyler thinks being a
werepire is awesome.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
leaves them to their lovers' tiff & - speaking of which - bumps
into Stefan! Stefan's going back to school!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #2: No matter how evil they are, vampires always go back to
high school.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
Stefan's looking particularly evil today. I mean, look at that Bad
Boy face:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpywjgOnx2ciUJ0NBOiB90MQVFm5OEjAWUFPeRFwvdqUL4uo5FeSPJ2F_EUTNZIT1oleeHW0Tcru8Xzt4r0c8bY0eabNVdU4u7Q-ralbOHl4ssKub-3mdFQVyNCrQlsGB6jeNyGY9334OE/s1600/Untitled3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpywjgOnx2ciUJ0NBOiB90MQVFm5OEjAWUFPeRFwvdqUL4uo5FeSPJ2F_EUTNZIT1oleeHW0Tcru8Xzt4r0c8bY0eabNVdU4u7Q-ralbOHl4ssKub-3mdFQVyNCrQlsGB6jeNyGY9334OE/s400/Untitled3.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan
is clearly too cool to be too cool for school.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Even
though he still keeps doing it, Stefan's not happy to be a high
school senior for the 100th time. Alaric sees him getting too close
to Elena & tells him to let her go so Stefan gets all Evil High
schooler at Alaric & threatens him by the lockers! And then he
kicks a kid out of his seat in the classroom! He is so bad ass!
Alaric starts to teach the only class he ever seems to teach,
Founding Fathers History, but he hasn't checked all his facts, as a
Mysterious New Girl points out. Mysterious New Girl is none other
than Rebecca!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson: Seriously, all vampires go back to high school. Even
centuries-old Original Vampires who fell asleep in the 20s & woke
up this century about two weeks ago.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Uh-oh,
Caroline is Super Jealous to see Rebecca!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At
lunchtime, Matt goes looking for his incorporeal sister. Ghost Vicky
apparently likes to haunt the Stoner Corner on campus. (You can tell
it's the Stoner Corner because of the hippy truck parked there &
the random skateboarding extras.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVIavbNywgjvTK8NIVW1pFJKg3BhLLtW-thKpLAx5RCKeQUNC0kLbpLsgy0bavJBi8pVOjlkssXnVayTstZdW3FsU2dRZ2eVquidiQojw7m5Hr0iVDfsoFfWs88WqCRA37NL7KTYS9Zp_i/s1600/Untitled4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVIavbNywgjvTK8NIVW1pFJKg3BhLLtW-thKpLAx5RCKeQUNC0kLbpLsgy0bavJBi8pVOjlkssXnVayTstZdW3FsU2dRZ2eVquidiQojw7m5Hr0iVDfsoFfWs88WqCRA37NL7KTYS9Zp_i/s400/Untitled4.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #3: Once a stoner, always a stoner.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Matt
wants to know how Vicky can come back & she says has help from
the Other Side. Suddenly, Jeremy bursts in on them & interrupts
the conversation. Then he goes to find Anna in the men's room -</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #4: Toilet genders don't matter when you're a ghost.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
-
& tells her what he saw. Vicky explains to Matt that there's a
witch on the Other Side who can do a spell to give her a Stronger
Foothold on This Side. Anna kindly clarifies to us confused viewers
that a ghost can only appear on This Side through the person they're
bound to - for Anna it's Jeremy, for Vicky it's Matt - but that with
this kind of spell, Vicky can come & go as she pleases. Matt's
not happy because that means Vicky'll still be a ghost but she quite
rightly says that being a ghost hardly matters in a town full of
vampires, werewolves & witches. Matt's not quite buying it, &
it's a good thing, because Anna says Vicky's gone evil & wants to
Upset the Balance of Nature! Oh no, Matt's bought! He asks what he
has to do.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
music gets peppy again! Know why? Cause it's high school football
time!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #5: Vampires play American Football. Don't ask.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #6: Vampires also cheerlead!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Rebecca
has joined the cheerleading squad after replacing the girl she's
presumably just eaten! And she's doing it to steal Caroline's
boyfriend! I love it!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #7: Even thousand-year-old vampires are just teenagers at
heart. Petty, vaguely evil, cheerleading teenagers. Isn't that nice
to know?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Across
the pitch, Tyler's being a Jerky Jock again, only this time he's
being a Werepire Jerky Jock, with compulsion! He compels the coach to
let them quit training early to go drink at the bonfire! Caroline
doesn't like how Tyler's been acting! You tell him, Caroline! But
just then, Rebecca the Ancient Original Vampire Cheerleader does a
double somersault & lands in the splits! Pfft, I can totally do
that. Tyler grins jerkishly & says Rebecca's got moves. Caroline
makes a Very Very Angry face.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaCm8F6SNZtJymlw6-1bcJECCKCcQl4GMnWqCgi8UPt7fWyU6lvdMyXFlGBRH7_kMRPP51pb7PBSpof-rxDuNnoOV90Itf9UTgYlgqrsFOGSI6wA6I3IOykRTDqEOrkMAD-5zZ34qxZGz4/s1600/Untitled5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaCm8F6SNZtJymlw6-1bcJECCKCcQl4GMnWqCgi8UPt7fWyU6lvdMyXFlGBRH7_kMRPP51pb7PBSpof-rxDuNnoOV90Itf9UTgYlgqrsFOGSI6wA6I3IOykRTDqEOrkMAD-5zZ34qxZGz4/s400/Untitled5.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
on the running track, Stefan joins Elena's laps & asks her if
she's going to the bonfire & who she'll be bringing to homecoming
now that they're mortal enemies instead of boyfriend &
girlfriend. He says he's just hanging around, enduring the torture
that is high school to protect Klaus's Human Bloodbag, Ouch. That's
got to hurt.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
in the crypt, Katherine's feeding Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire
from a random human but Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire is TOO
GOOD FOR HUMAN BLOOD.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
a random workout room, Elena is working out. She calls Damon so he
can see her very prettily breaking a nice light sweat (if I lifted
those weights I'd be purple-faced and/or fainting, which really
wouldn't look very sexy at all) & tells him she wants to lock
Stefan up. Damon replies by helping her with her Buffy lessons, but
unlike Alaric's classes, this is a Sexy Buffy Lesson!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Zuk2fXwN4h9a2PgfRvLmqMBdOTHwBowWRQYBpUccabB9n0xSzL2SyfzhzBbj4BK2nsZaD9PdORJANbaFHSu7ORjUPMbt41X9s8T7F5FlEqEOvr-uRNTZGLcwZabMziwcuKA36wH2jI0y/s1600/Untitled7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Zuk2fXwN4h9a2PgfRvLmqMBdOTHwBowWRQYBpUccabB9n0xSzL2SyfzhzBbj4BK2nsZaD9PdORJANbaFHSu7ORjUPMbt41X9s8T7F5FlEqEOvr-uRNTZGLcwZabMziwcuKA36wH2jI0y/s400/Untitled7.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
He's
showing her the way to get to a vampire's heart, like she's gotten to
his heart (all together now, awww), & tells her he'll do anything
he asks.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Upbeat
emo rock music is upbeat! It's bonfire time! We already know this
won't end well! In a classroom, Team Buffy is planning a Stefan
attack. Caroline's going to prep her daddy's dungeon, Elena'll lure
Stefan away from the bonfire & Alaric's in charge of the
shooting. Damon's going to distract Rebecca with his Charms. Then
Tyler comes in & when Elena asks him to steal a supply of vervain
from his mom's stores he refuses because Klaus wouldn't like it!
Because Tyler is Loyal to Klaus because he is Klaus's Special Werepire & he
Owes Everything to Klaus! Then he goes to leave but Damon vervains
him in the back! Turns out Tyler's been Sired, which basically means
he's like the Renford to Klaus's Dracula, only without the asylum &
the rats. So far.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
in Matt's attic, Matt is casting a spell. Dramatic music plays as he
cuts his hand & bleeds on a picture of him & Vicky & the
candles flicker & the picture starts smoking & the attic door
slams & then Vicky's corporeal again! But then she says she's
made a deal with the dead witch to Restore the Balance of Nature once
she's back, & that means not letting Klaus's werepires survive, &
that means killing Elena! Oh no! She cracks Matt on the back of the
head with a wrench & leaves the attic!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #8: Try not to leave wrenches lying around in your
spell-casting attics.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at school, Bonnie's angry that Jeremy's still talking to Anna, which
he's now doing right in front of her. She can't deal with her
boyfriend's staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriends as well as
Matt's attempted resurrection of his sister, so she decides to
prioritise.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At
the bonfire, Rebecca is pouting cause Tyler's not there & she's
actually a twelve-year-old in an ancient vampire's sultry
blond body, & Elena is getting drunk & pretending to
have fun. Stefan's mostly leering. Damon comes up to Rebecca &
teaches her how to eat toasted marshmallows sexily.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
lesson #9: Contrary to all sticky-faced evidence to the contrary, it
is apparently possible to be sexy whilst eating marshmallows, but
probably only if you're a vampire.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
is a little bit jealous, which Stefan totally picks up on. And leers
about. Elena leaves, &, as planned, Stefan follows.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Matt
calls Bonnie frantically & tells her what he's done. Meanwhile,
Damon's teaching Rebecca how to make s'mores & she repays him
with a stake through the belly. Now that's not very nice, Rebecca!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Tyler
wakes up at his place with Caroline watching him. Caroline explains
angrily that now that Tyler's Sired, he'll think Klaus's needs come
first (& every time anyone says Klaus is Tyler's Master I think
of that Buffy episode where Xander is compeled into calling Dracula
his master & hates it so much that he adds a "bater" to
the end of every "master" he says). Caroline tells him he's
acting like the Old, Pre-Werewolf Tyler we all know & dislike.
Turns out Tyler dislikes the Old, Pre-Werewolf Tyler too! He tells
Caroline he'll be careful & asks her not to hate him because
everything he likes about himself is her. All together now, awww.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the bonfire, Elena is out on the bleachers, drunk. Or pretending
to be drunk! I've totally caught on! Stefan is now being the
Responsible Adult Friend & wants to drive her home but Elena
climbs over the side of the bleachers & almost trips & tells
Stefan Klaus wouldn't be happy with him right now, which is the
vampire equivalent of "I'm telling Mommy on you." (Who'd
have thought there'd be a vampire equivalent to that? You've taught
me so much, <i>Vampire Diaries</i>!)
Then Elena accidentally-on-purpose lets go & falls off! But
Stefan super-vampire-speeds over & saves her before she hits the
ground! They gaze longingly into each other's eyes! Stefan really
does care!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYr3XNSXeVfTxRuFg6M793sqXts7GfiNXDkcy31-LpeFNBQ9n88vdozWdORplj5eZ4DXoLR8TJvvA5Sp_OgxEHktTVXOOJK8n3GTXMsMALiJc8hFQTwWy0HHp930NVP_V7pAbqDqcP5jt3/s1600/Untitled8.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYr3XNSXeVfTxRuFg6M793sqXts7GfiNXDkcy31-LpeFNBQ9n88vdozWdORplj5eZ4DXoLR8TJvvA5Sp_OgxEHktTVXOOJK8n3GTXMsMALiJc8hFQTwWy0HHp930NVP_V7pAbqDqcP5jt3/s400/Untitled8.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This
makes him Very Confused.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWS44XThzbyzAXv-27o8UYQALSEJzgTTFHrh7YBb5PR9tlSuCuPYO6iVJth0XI8cav5hfbYsIS0csySgzCJ2wSmH2CleYamoK8_3HO6Slo6gC_tNZSnwBQ_H2N7FYmZWzCeS1dlhTdCfBX/s1600/Untitled9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWS44XThzbyzAXv-27o8UYQALSEJzgTTFHrh7YBb5PR9tlSuCuPYO6iVJth0XI8cav5hfbYsIS0csySgzCJ2wSmH2CleYamoK8_3HO6Slo6gC_tNZSnwBQ_H2N7FYmZWzCeS1dlhTdCfBX/s400/Untitled9.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
then Alaric shoots him in the back with vervaine! Go Alaric! He & Elena
stuff him in the back of their truck but then Vicky, who's been
sitting smoking beside a fence, lights a trail of gasoline all the
way to the truck that bursts into flames! The doors won't open! Elena
is stuck inside! Alaric tries to break the window but it won't smash!
The flames fly higher! They throw Alaric back! Elena is doomed!!!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in the classroom, Matt goes through what he did to bring Vicky back
with Bonnie. She finds a spell in her Big Book o'Spells that'll stop
any magic helping Vicky.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #10: A Big Book o'Spells will give you the exact spell you
need, except when it's narratively inconvenient to do so.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the burning car, Stefan is stirring! In the classroom, Bonnie is
chanting! All over the scene, dramatic music is playing! Vicky
appears in the classroom & Bonnie - while still chanting, because</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson: Witches can hella multitask.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
-
explains that the only way for Vicky to go back to the Other Side is
if Matt lets her go. The music drops from Super Dramatic to Really,
Really Sad. Vicky doesn't want to be alone! Neither does Matt! But he
has to let her go! He says goodbye, Vicky disappears, & Bonnie
stops chanting. Matt, rather needlessly, says: "She's Gone."</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #11: Whenever there is a Poignant Moment, someone will always
be there to state the obvious.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the parking lot, Alaric's got the back of the truck open! He &
Elena pull Stefan out JUST IN TIME before he truck goes like this:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOZS5ylThmRDGK8WrjjDpyQDwL2U4VJmF8eeRPFOMHdAApZLMt7w7UiddDgt5K9Ijha1wEnTVILqMSNAYHdw80nzA4J8MQIU5vsLvLtpDgmPFKrGCDJFgAW7QEcNJ3lVbE1dfAP56u-BcZ/s1600/Untitled10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOZS5ylThmRDGK8WrjjDpyQDwL2U4VJmF8eeRPFOMHdAApZLMt7w7UiddDgt5K9Ijha1wEnTVILqMSNAYHdw80nzA4J8MQIU5vsLvLtpDgmPFKrGCDJFgAW7QEcNJ3lVbE1dfAP56u-BcZ/s400/Untitled10.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #12: Explosions. They are epic.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
now it's time for everyone's favourite Deep & Meaningful emo
pop-song closing scene! This episode, the song is about saying all
you can say & Damon patches Elena up & they talk about how
Elena was faking the drunkenness & Damon was faking the
marshmallow flirting. Cut to Tyler's house, where
post-vampire/werepire sex redressing is happening & Caroline
won't stay over because Tyler hasn't earned it yet & the song is
about pulling through & taking your time. They kiss &
Caroline leaves & Rebecca appears with a compelled girl for Tyler
to feed on & the song is about being foolish & waiting for
you. Tyler tries to tell Rebecca to leave but she tells him Klaus
would want him to feed. Tyler attacks the girl, werepire-teeth bared,
& the music stops short which means it's now time for tonight's
post-emo-pop-song-dramatic-montage cliffhanger scene!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In the crypt, Michael
the Vampire-Hunting Vampire is still in chains & is telling
Katherine that he's abstained from human blood for as long as he can
remember. Katherine begins to believe he doesn't know how to kill
Klaus after all. Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire tells her that
he can, & will, kill Klaus, but that he'll have a hard time doing
so in chains. So Katherine frees him! BAD PLAN, PRINCESS! Katherine
thinks a little blood'll warm up Michael the Vampire-Hunting
Vampire's muscles real quick, but he tells her he doesn't eat Living
Things. Uh oh, I see where this is going! Katherine doesn't though,
so she's taken completely unawares when Michael the Vampire-Hunting
Vampire LEAPS UP & BITES HER NECK!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Dun dun - oh wait,
there's another scene! Since when is there another scene after the
post-emo-pop-song-dramatic-montage cliffhanger scene? Careful now,
<i>Vampire Diaries</i>, you know I
don't like it when you try mix things up.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
& Alaric are at the Salvator brothers' house & for some
reason Stefan's out & about & not, you know, trapped in
Caroline's daddy's dungeon like he was supposed to be. Best laid
plans, & whatnot. Stefan tells them that Elena needs him &
they're all better off with him looking out for her. Then he asks
Elena why she didn't let him die in the exploding truck. She tells
him she still Has Hope, even after everything he's done, because she
knows Who He Really Is, & she's Not Giving Up. Stefan tells her
that's pathetic & she stakes him in the side. There's a good
little Buffy-wannabe!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at his house, Jeremy is trying to get through to Bonnie but she
doesn't want to talk. Anna appears & wants to know why Jeremy's
thinking of her when he's calling his girlfriend. It's because
they're Totally In Love! Even death cannot separate them! They hold
up their hands to do that cliché ghost-story touch but this time
they can feel each other! It's like magic exists in this world or
something!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Now
we get to the <i>actual</i>
end-of-episode cliffhanger scene (you can tell because of the eerie
music) in which Damon's tidying the house, presumably after another
one of Stefan's Wild Twister Parties, when suddenly, objects start
flying around the room! He thinks it's Stefan but I suspect a ghost.
Damon gets thrown dramatically in the air! It is totally a ghost!
It's Tyler's dead-werewolf-turned-ghost uncle! Because...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #13: NO ONE EVER FREAKIN DIES IN THIS FREAKIN SHOW!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
DUN
DUN DUNNNN!!!</div>Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-90892468391125665922011-10-27T16:47:00.000+01:002011-10-27T16:47:52.227+01:00A Not-a-Post Post, with Two Links<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This isn't a proper
post, it's an apology for the lack of proper posts & it's a
promise of a Super-Duper <i>The Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
Recap Double-Bill within the next few days. For a given value of
"few."</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">In
the meantime, here's a link to an excellent </span><i>Vampire Diaries
</i><span style="font-style: normal;">drinking game (that'll have you
completely smashed by the end of each episode) by my new favourite
website in all the world, <a href="http://www.foreveryoungadult.com/2011/10/20/the-official-fya-drinking-game-the-vampire-diaries-season-3/">Forever Young Adult</a> (which is for
YA readers who are a little less Y & a little more A).</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">And
here's a very cute Vampire Identification poster by <a href="http://io9.com/5852743/adorable-vampire-identification-chart-helps-you-sort-out-the-best-bloodsuckers">artist Ben Douglass</a> (click on the link for a bigger version):</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ7n9tpQalJywlyXpw9DOLh7ikNvK0mcgna2tjyGS-G9sd5N0aLBe6z-3sdZY5DsyA7t2Mx9i9s06z5NhozDW1MiCyXLEF0wVGH97qRtGNJAymCbMDiBHN0CZLEGz3zwebFRg8Ke1rBPJU/s1600/305107_8287906_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ7n9tpQalJywlyXpw9DOLh7ikNvK0mcgna2tjyGS-G9sd5N0aLBe6z-3sdZY5DsyA7t2Mx9i9s06z5NhozDW1MiCyXLEF0wVGH97qRtGNJAymCbMDiBHN0CZLEGz3zwebFRg8Ke1rBPJU/s1600/305107_8287906_b.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-88003849814159451052011-10-17T22:31:00.000+01:002011-10-17T22:31:16.979+01:00Important Life Lessons & DRAMATIC MUSIC: The Vampire Diaries 3:5 Recap<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This week's <i>Vampire
Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> recap is late because
I'm just back from Mayo where there is no internet. (True story:
there is no internet in the whole of Mayo.) But without further
ado...</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixp9BQc-gQDFL-vBYiUmozUAdi4Uz-cWqlhK7O0tRqSCxfhZvNMptUZTbj1Y25Cfp5t_WaliNIZe-qjSNP-0L26LVmcZCw2E56obXI4a6hxgG5MdtelS05Te-EqpFq5kVufVsJiYmR2u9j/s1600/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixp9BQc-gQDFL-vBYiUmozUAdi4Uz-cWqlhK7O0tRqSCxfhZvNMptUZTbj1Y25Cfp5t_WaliNIZe-qjSNP-0L26LVmcZCw2E56obXI4a6hxgG5MdtelS05Te-EqpFq5kVufVsJiYmR2u9j/s400/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Previously, on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">: </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
& Katherine are identical! But they're not related! They're
doppelgängers, & Evil English Klaus, who is evil, & English,
has to kill a doppelgänger to break an ancient curse! He thinks he's
killed Elena but she's still alive! So he doesn't know what's gone
wrong! The only way he can get what he wants is by contacting the
Original Witch! But, as the name suggests, she's been dead for
centuries! And the only way he can get in contact with the Original
Witch is by a Magical Witchy Necklace that used to be hers! Where
could this necklace be? Elena, who is the Good Doppelgänger, has it!
And Klaus doesn't know it! But wait! Katherine, who is the Evil
Doppelgänger, has stolen the necklace! And now she wants to take
Damon on a road trip!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
& Stefan are vampire brothers! They are both in love with Elena!
And Katherine is in love with both of them! But mostly she just loves
herself! Stefan used to be the Good Brother & Damon was the Bad
Brother, but now Stefan has joined Evil English Klaus & has
become a Ripping Killing Off-the-Rails Machine! He even told Elena he
doesn't love her any more! But he's just pretending that he doesn't
care to keep her safe! And he's the one who gave her the necklace!
But now Katherine has it!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
has a sister! Her name is Rebecca! She's an Original Vampire too!
Stefan used to be friends with them back in the 20s & he
discovered that they were on the run from someone! That someone is a
vampire hunter called Michael! Here's what he looks like:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimAJT1py6B18XCoXb45JEybhyphenhyphengVgZ-oQszDDx1FIjwgWqEbJhyphenhyphenvmuK8vhI4dkq-zE21-0JVtOptO23R4r1WhZdfK1Ypy8bxmE_cav19dFG7zvOBpmenieiZg-B817MQIsa3M8Piznuhmp1/s1600/Untitled1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimAJT1py6B18XCoXb45JEybhyphenhyphengVgZ-oQszDDx1FIjwgWqEbJhyphenhyphenvmuK8vhI4dkq-zE21-0JVtOptO23R4r1WhZdfK1Ypy8bxmE_cav19dFG7zvOBpmenieiZg-B817MQIsa3M8Piznuhmp1/s400/Untitled1.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashbacks
are helpful Bad Guy identifiers. Stefan made the mistake of asking
Rebecca about Michael & now the Evil Siblings know he's not on
their side! And Klaus wants to know what it is he's been hiding! So
he brings him back to Mystic Falls! Which is where Elena lives! This
is Very Bad News!</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Currently,
on </span><i>The Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">,
it's time for a cliché! It's a horror movie cliché! It's an empty
high school! It's my </span><i>favourite</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
horror movie cliché! I can tell this is going to be an awesome
episode. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjzkN18hDyZLv9mzyjb5Ya72_w17YFG-szbvmKtdnAGd_4q-cHYfXO3f3aovRnmNtUb8CZ6Q6SZ9IrV_W068T-bYvRdwHWH1miYyHIHGHiUr03a-39P_ulUzOpDyWvmYX54_QLsZPEg20/s1600/Untitled3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjzkN18hDyZLv9mzyjb5Ya72_w17YFG-szbvmKtdnAGd_4q-cHYfXO3f3aovRnmNtUb8CZ6Q6SZ9IrV_W068T-bYvRdwHWH1miYyHIHGHiUr03a-39P_ulUzOpDyWvmYX54_QLsZPEg20/s400/Untitled3.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
halls are empty! The classrooms are empty! There's a weird clanking
sound echoing through the school! It turns out to be Matt, the
Sensitive Blond Jock! He's working out after class, because there
totally wouldn't be an insurance issue with letting a student use
those heavy exercise machines in a completely empty building.
Suddenly, he hears a noise! Eerie music begins to play. He steps out
of the gym into the empty corridor. Something ghostlike brushes past
him! And because this is a horror movie cliché, instead of running
screaming from the school as fast as his Sensitive Jock Legs can
carry him, he goes towards the ghostly sound! The music intensifies!
He follows the screechy-violin music into a dark classroom, where he
turns on the light &...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sets
off a floor-full of mousetraps set by his friends because they're
preparing for Senior Prank Night! Oh shucks you guys! Matt is not
impressed. He'd forgotten all about Senior Prank Night, but gets
roped into it anyway, by Caroline, the Bossy Blond Vampire. Also, I
suspect they need him to fill the Token Human spot on the team.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaCZqrJSdDSUVXcOP-G8CW3fDtC3Y3TrgIxUZ84TJHgl6lqWFL8gowLPNGnXT1OX05Otsnvbq7-feTkzl1dHM2It4Eqf9iB1kP4_YMiEJLqAkBs4QoTyfE1TmVmD6crRv6wWzyjZkNkPLX/s1600/Untitled4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaCZqrJSdDSUVXcOP-G8CW3fDtC3Y3TrgIxUZ84TJHgl6lqWFL8gowLPNGnXT1OX05Otsnvbq7-feTkzl1dHM2It4Eqf9iB1kP4_YMiEJLqAkBs4QoTyfE1TmVmD6crRv6wWzyjZkNkPLX/s400/Untitled4.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(Left
to right: Caroline the Bimbo Turned Bossy Blond Vampire, Tyler the
Jock-Jerk Turned Nice-Guy Werewolf, Elena the Good Doppelganger, &
Bonnie the Good Witch.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Our
gang of lovable misfits are now in Senior Year! They've been Through
A Lot! But they've made it! So now it's time for them to make
memories that'll last them the rest of their lives, by supergluing
teachers' desks shut. Suddenly the school is well-lit & full of
students having a lark & some high jinx. Elena is Very Happy.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Until
she walks into one of the school's only remaining badly-lit
corridors, & you know by the fact that the camera's close to her
face & the Lark-&-Some-High-Jinx music has stopped that
something bad's about to happen.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
That
something bad is Klaus! Oh no!</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK1oJ__Qrr0E_2NN-_J3DIW9fNj6_vc7Q-6p-1pQ6OF-U1SZ3B2KNFhW2c-pJkJFhfgXBD4pvoHpesXC646Mnw3K5eGMkBUUMDH9Mc_xybcBbGv5If5w4APqV2K7rAkSdAx9lJVPkq0GXt/s1600/Untitled6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK1oJ__Qrr0E_2NN-_J3DIW9fNj6_vc7Q-6p-1pQ6OF-U1SZ3B2KNFhW2c-pJkJFhfgXBD4pvoHpesXC646Mnw3K5eGMkBUUMDH9Mc_xybcBbGv5If5w4APqV2K7rAkSdAx9lJVPkq0GXt/s400/Untitled6.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Today's
opening scene music is too cool for school! It's Super-Cool Road Trip
Music! Know why? Cause Damon & Katherine, the king & queen of
Too Cool For School, are on a road trip! Damon is board &
Katherine is flirty. I think that's all I really need to say about
any scene that contains the two of them. The rest is just banter.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
Mystic Falls, Stefan wakes refreshed from a night of being tortured
by Klaus. Rebecca, who is guarding him, knows that he knows that
Klaus knows that... hold on, I've lost track. Anyway, Rebecca says
Klaus is ripping Elena the Cow's Bloody Head off! Stefan plays it
totally nonchalant & badass until...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
He
slams Rebecca to the ground! (Maybe the dramatic music made him do
it.) But Rebecca is jealous! And way, way stronger than Stefan.
Vampire fights make the most sickening bone-crunchy noises. It's
awesome. Also, Stefan ends up impaled on a metal pole.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #1: Never make a vampire woman jealous.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the high school, Klaus is dragging Elena angrily through the
corridors, talking at her about his plan & why it didn't work &
what he's going to do now (make sure she can still break the curse &
then kill her, but first make her suffer a lot) in typical Bad Guy
fashion.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #2: Bad Guys really do like to talk.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">It's
pop-rock music time! This really is a high school episode! It's like
something out of </span><i>Ten Things I Hate About You</i><span style="font-style: normal;">,
which may well be the greatest teen movie ever. In the gym, those
whacky seniors are constructing some sort of elaborate prank
involving hundreds of paper cups. But what's this? Klaus storms into
the hall, puts on an American accent & tells the kids to leave!
All except two poor souls who get singled out to be compelled.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So,
Klaus does the creepy compulsion thing really well. Today, he compels
a girl to stand on one leg, & tells her guy friend that if she
touches that leg to the ground he is to beat her to death. It's
always the compulsion scenes I find genuinely creepy. That probably
says something about my problems with authority.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Far
far away, we rejoin the roadtrip, which has paused momentarily since
Damon's stopped the car & thrown away the keys. He </span><i>demands</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
to know what Katherine's up to! He would never have left town with
her so willingly otherwise! Katherine tells him she's stolen Elena's
necklace because Klaus wants it & she wants to stay two steps
ahead of her enemy, but she doesn't say </span><i>why</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
Klaus wants it. Also, she's kidnapped Jeremy & stuffed him in the
trunk. Because nothing inspires a vampire's trust more than the
unconscious teenage brother of the woman he loves.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Back
in Mystic Falls, we're back in the high school! I've missed Mystic
Falls High! Also, I'm glad term's starting again because the second
chapter of my thesis, which I'm starting research on next week, is
all about high school! So recapping </span><i>The Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
is totally study!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Anyway,
in the school, which is suddenly ill-lit & empty again, Caroline
& Tyler are having a Moment. Caroline wants everybody to be
happy, & she wants this school year to be the best one ever.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #3: If you live in a town in which supernatural shit goes down
about every other day, don't say you want this to be the best year
ever, even if you're thinking it. You're totally going to jinx it.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Oh
look, here comes a jinx! It's Rebecca, & she knows who they are!
But who is </span><i>she</i><span style="font-style: normal;">,
Caroline wants to know. Why, she's the New Girl, & she's got
fangs!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the pool room -
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #4: All American high schools have olympic-sized pools in
their gyms.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
-
Bonnie & Matt are TPing the room & talking about Jeremy's
sightings of Vicky, Matt's dead sister who is also Jeremy's
Drugged-Up-Party-Girl Come Staked-Vampire-Turned-Ghost ex-girlfriend.
It's a complicated situation. Bonnie & Matt look back on the year
that's past, & muse on the fact that last summer they had no
problems except breakups & failing CPR & now Matt's feeling
really left out because his ex is dating a vampire, his friend's a
witch & his sister's a ghost & he's just a lowly human. Don't
worry Matt, it worked out okay for Xander! (Plus or minus an eye.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
He
goes off to get more toilet paper & there's no music, so you know
something bad's right around the next toilet stall...
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I
don't think we need a cliché count for this one - this whole episode
is based on the high-school-inna-scary-movie trope.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Matt's
about to leave with his toilet paper when one of the bathroom stall
doors open! But he was just inside, & there was nobody there! The
Eerie Violins are back. (That'd be a great name for a band.) He goes
to check, & sees graffiti eulogising his dead sister. Then he
closes the stall door again & his sister's right behind him!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But
he can't hear her! But he might have felt her! It must be so
frustrating to be a ghost.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the gym, Girl Standing on One Leg is clearly no ballerina. She's
about to drop her leg when Bonnie & Matt come into the gym. Elena
shouts at them to leave but they're exactly who Klaus has been
waiting for! (Well, Bonnie is, no one cares about Matt cause he's
just a lowly human.) And then Rebecca drags Tyler in too, & Klaus
grabs him & explains his Evil Plan.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
He
forces Tyler to drink some of his blood & tells the assembled (&
rather shocked) audience that every time he's tried to turn a
werewolf into a werepire hybrid the werewolf dies. So he tells Bonnie
she'd better find a way to reverse that, or else it's bye bye Tyler.
*Snap* goes Tyler's neck.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
DRAMATIC
MUSIC!!!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
On
the other side of town, Stefan wakes up - with difficulty - &
removes the large metal bar that's sticking through his chest.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #5: Seriously. Never made a lady vampire jealous.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At
the gym, Rebecca's being jealous at Elena & Klaus has commanded
Bonnie to go fetch her Big Book o'Spells to make sure Tyler comes
back to life without bleeding from the eyeballs. Bonnie is worried
because the Original Witch spell is over a thousand years old &
her Big Book o'Spells doesn't go back that far. She used to be able
to contact the Ghosts of Witches Past but they conveniently cut her
off after she brought Jeremy back from the dead. I don't understand
their problem, I mean it's not like anyone ever stays dead in this
show. But Bonnie's figured something out! She may not be able to
contact the dead, but you know who can? Jeremy can!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
You
know who else has figured this out? That's right, it's our favourite
scheming doppelgänger, Katherine! Katherine's old friend Pearl from
season two once said that she knew of a vampire who could kill Klaus,
but she neglected to share the rest of the information with anyone
but her teenage daughter, & now she's dead. And so is her teenage
daughter. Who is this teenage daughter, I hear those of you who
didn't watch season two ask? Why, it's none other than Jeremy's other
Staked-Vampire-Turned-Ghost Ex-Girlfriend, Anna! It's all coming
together so nicely!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the high school, Stefan seems to have had a change of heart. He
comes into the gym to ask Klaus's forgiveness & pledge himself to
him. Klaus, unsurprisingly, tells Stefan to kill the human couple, &
elbows Elena in the face when she protests.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #6: Never say "he isn't going to hurt me" around an
Evil English Werepire. He'll take it as a challenge.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan
completely forgets his pledge & turns on Klaus! He tells him
he'll do anything once Klaus doesn't hurt Elena! But Klaus doesn’t
believe him! Do we honestly blame him? So he compels Stefan to obey
him forever!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
music gets so dramatic I can hardly stand it & Evil Compelled
Stefan -</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">-
kills those poor defenceless humans! Which is totally different &
more dramatic than all the times he killed poor defenceless humans
for Klaus </span><i>without</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> the
excuse of having been compelled to do it.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
on a picnic bench somewhere in Road Trip County, Jeremy is talking to
Anna but she refuses to help Katherine. So Damon punches Jeremy,
which makes Anna a lot more willing to talk. She says that they're
looking for Michael the Vampire-Hunting Vampire, but that it'd be a
Very Bad Idea to wake him because he'd kill them all. Damon gets his
keys.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Mystic Falls, Rebecca's learning how to use mobile telephones.
Apparently holding the phone at arms length & making duck-lips is
just instinctive, even to a 1920s girl.
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
She's
definitely got the tapping-to-zoom thing down though, because after
going through Caroline's photos & pouting at the ones of Stefan &
Elena, she notices that Elena's necklace looks somehow familiar...
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinuStx3tDdPFZOb4vEiZK1R0eWhnkuX1QuuKc4wcHivnMo-sFo34RS4SZlKMncNf4nfwT6gwX6_lojGiEYBHvzgGjZt2lotmpuPDiGpyPbzzlfeIribAbecufOr0HE6iaIF6oywRfxnPzC/s1600/Untitled14.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinuStx3tDdPFZOb4vEiZK1R0eWhnkuX1QuuKc4wcHivnMo-sFo34RS4SZlKMncNf4nfwT6gwX6_lojGiEYBHvzgGjZt2lotmpuPDiGpyPbzzlfeIribAbecufOr0HE6iaIF6oywRfxnPzC/s400/Untitled14.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Rebecca
storms into the gym & demands to know where her necklace is!
Stefan looks up from his meal -</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #7: Even when compelled, vampires are messy eaters.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
-
Rebecca shows Klaus Caroline's phone -</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #8: Evil English Werepires are also very good with
smartphones.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfV2ks30hh0diM_XUiRopkatcqQrTdXx6Ns682-_aqzlK_6-KlT7_Eovf1HGsf3p3GauF1yD4n3qem8v5MDARRONC3e38xOY_DdE1ga72dGE8hC0z4tSfd9lHTx8KoDHnOUJTIe0_fUHA/s1600/Untitled16.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfV2ks30hh0diM_XUiRopkatcqQrTdXx6Ns682-_aqzlK_6-KlT7_Eovf1HGsf3p3GauF1yD4n3qem8v5MDARRONC3e38xOY_DdE1ga72dGE8hC0z4tSfd9lHTx8KoDHnOUJTIe0_fUHA/s400/Untitled16.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
- &
she runs at Elena.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #9: 1920s vampire women are very possessive & will rip
your throat out if they think you're lying about not having their
necklace any more.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #10: When Original Vampires want to know something, they'll
play Good Cop Bad Cop.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
kindly asks a bleeding Elena where the necklace is, & when Elena
explains that Katherine stole it Klaus decides to make things more
fun by giving Bonnie twenty minutes to find the spell. If she fails,
he says, Stefan must kill Elena.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
DRAMATIC
MUSIC ACCOMPANIED BY COUNTDOWN CLOCK!!!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Meanwhile,
Bonnie still can't get through to Jeremy & something's been
throwing Matt's clothes around the workout room! Matt follows a trail
of clothes (how many clothes does this boy </span><i>have</i><span style="font-style: normal;">?)
to the pool room where he finds his car keys at the bottom of the
pool. Then Vicky appears behind him! But he can't hear her! So she
kicks one of his shoes into the pool! That sure gets his attention.
Then, she spots his phone lying on the ground.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #11: Smartphones are the new ouiji boards.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPcol9mCteJulTr_yXvFT0XDsMjY8lt4gperF7JFtH3uLBamdbEmoYncNRgBnQdJpHzzp4gzbVjbm_H8qdVCZpaz4PPXfEzYAwCCPZctO0qXJCfL5cXF44d1klewdKNKC487JBZK38AEbb/s1600/Untitled17.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPcol9mCteJulTr_yXvFT0XDsMjY8lt4gperF7JFtH3uLBamdbEmoYncNRgBnQdJpHzzp4gzbVjbm_H8qdVCZpaz4PPXfEzYAwCCPZctO0qXJCfL5cXF44d1klewdKNKC487JBZK38AEbb/s400/Untitled17.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Matt's
got a great idea! He knows Jeremy can see ghosts because Bonnie
brought him back from the dead, so Matt decides that if Bonnie brings
</span><i>him</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> back from the
dead, he'll see ghosts too! She doesn't even need to do magic, cause
she never failed CPR! Isn't that handy? I can't see any possible
problem with this plan!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMCngZnUADYjyMElhcL9ukNNDvV9hILnpvk8pIPWEB3M7jv9OcvA1D4TFk_28D5d1rN870pcYttacr3URYweE3tolW9U2U2q8tIqpd3plZEio1RYJzz1DcVecyvT-zUiL_vw4WgoboxMrJ/s1600/Untitled18.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMCngZnUADYjyMElhcL9ukNNDvV9hILnpvk8pIPWEB3M7jv9OcvA1D4TFk_28D5d1rN870pcYttacr3URYweE3tolW9U2U2q8tIqpd3plZEio1RYJzz1DcVecyvT-zUiL_vw4WgoboxMrJ/s400/Untitled18.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Bonnie
rushes through the halls! The music is super dramatic! She plunges
into the pool & brings now-dead Matt back to the surface!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Road Trip County, Damon gets his phone back from Katherine &
sees a bunch of messages from Bonnie. He leaves Jeremy with Katherine
to get Anna to tell them more about Michael the Vampire-Hunting
Vampire, & he returns to Mystic Falls to save the day.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At
the high school, the CPR isn't working! Matt wakes up in a glowy blue
version of the pool room, where Vicky tells him to give Bonnie a
message before sending him back to life.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Life
Lesson #12: This is the Ultimate Life Lesson I've learned from </span><i>The
Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">. Everybody dies
horrible violent deaths, usually as teenagers. But, Life Lesson #12a:
Nobody, & I mean nobody, </span><i>ever</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
</span><i>stays</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> </span><i>dead</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the gym, Elena's trying to get Stefan to fight the compulsion &
just drink from her without killing her when the timer goes off but
Stefan shouts that now he is A RIPPER! And A RIPPER DOESN'T STOP!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFeZYNL42ib3a_bAudyLIS456eOPWtatg0V5UsejnYGWqItADwT7T1s9Wotwxg2oCT_eglnyZiWF4U9UEhQQTGZtUBvfrYjXMg9MMgbt81oR4GC0bPLSosnTF6Xkhxp8q5e_urHtne3Xhyphenhyphen/s1600/Untitled19.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFeZYNL42ib3a_bAudyLIS456eOPWtatg0V5UsejnYGWqItADwT7T1s9Wotwxg2oCT_eglnyZiWF4U9UEhQQTGZtUBvfrYjXMg9MMgbt81oR4GC0bPLSosnTF6Xkhxp8q5e_urHtne3Xhyphenhyphen/s400/Untitled19.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
A RIPPER is also a tortured soul, which is something that this scene really reminds us about, because this scene is all about how much A RIPPER loves Elena
& how she's the only reason he can't turn it all off & how
now that he's A RIPPER he's gone all Edward Cullen on us & hears
only the sweet sweet beat of her heart every time she speaks &
wants her blood (or should I say "blood") more than
anything & if he tastes even one drop of that sweet bloody nectar
she's dead.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
DRAMATICEST
MUSIC OF ALL!!!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the science lab, Tyler's woken up. Rebecca kindly explains the
impending death situation to him. Oh hey, she's found the countdown
function on the iPhone! It took me like a week to figure my one out,
& I grew up in this century.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBTM5TqF5d-B27U14ZzN_Z7Of01LH3xKMPjUQI-9Qwq3KS4IHF3X2D15PQLvVsyNKv7vJMgmDo0OvVJteLWm0fA8to-0hbb13x1HLPpS6ekNrC2sfzJagAovXJvM-GNXyfQ-uWosC_nw6U/s1600/Untitled21.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBTM5TqF5d-B27U14ZzN_Z7Of01LH3xKMPjUQI-9Qwq3KS4IHF3X2D15PQLvVsyNKv7vJMgmDo0OvVJteLWm0fA8to-0hbb13x1HLPpS6ekNrC2sfzJagAovXJvM-GNXyfQ-uWosC_nw6U/s400/Untitled21.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
yes, I know it's not an iPhone, but it's pretty much the same thing.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the pool hall, Matt delivers Vicky's message to Bonnie, which is
from the Original Witch herself. As we all suspected, except,
apparently, for the characters of this show, Elena is the key. It's
because she survived that the curse wasn't broken, & it'll only
be broken if she dies. Matt says that Tyler's going to die, isn't he,
but Klaus, who's overheard the entire exchange, would like to beg to
differ.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #13: When it comes to sensitive information that could get
your friends killed, it's best to whisper.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the gym, the countdown's almost up! Sixteen seconds to go! Stefan
implores Elena to run for it but Elena says Stefan must fight! She
declares her love for him! He makes this face:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdxCZm__a94COjFF0N6yaBI-9VZ5bl_njENXdASKbblxxJgyyyFo44Pm-OUUR8Idg2FzaxIutM8Kv8M3p2mqg4Oz1vhmn_SvsIJ66Ytlu7l2Kohy7ANFxiwO-NN-E46eUlSf8F_Q-mxXrd/s1600/Untitled22.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdxCZm__a94COjFF0N6yaBI-9VZ5bl_njENXdASKbblxxJgyyyFo44Pm-OUUR8Idg2FzaxIutM8Kv8M3p2mqg4Oz1vhmn_SvsIJ66Ytlu7l2Kohy7ANFxiwO-NN-E46eUlSf8F_Q-mxXrd/s400/Untitled22.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
She
tells him not to give up! But he can't hold it! He clings to the
bleachers! He rushes at her! He tells her to run! RUN!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
MOST
DRAMATIC MUSIC OF ALL DRAMATIC MUSICS IN ALL THE WORLD!!!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
races down the corridors! Stefan follows! He slams into lockers to
slow himself down! Elena runs! Stefan slams! Elena runs! Stefan
slams! Elena runs! Stefan slams! (This goes on for a while.) Elena
runs! And slams into Klaus!!! There aren't enough exclamation marks
for this scene!!!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
they even throw in a cliché! God I love this show! Klaus says "we've
got to stop meeting like this" & we cut to Stefan, who's
made it to the cafeteria - but wait, what's he doing? He's breaking a
sweeping brush in half! Could it be? Is our broody tortured soul
going to stake himself? He raises the brush-stake &
stabs it through his stomach as Klaus & Elena crash into the
room! Klaus applauds Stefan's love for Elena, but he removes the
stake & tries to convince Stefan to turn off his humanity. Stefan
shoves Klaus & says "NO!!!!!!!!" (There were exactly
that many exclamation marks. I counted.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
throws Stefan to the other side of the room & Super Compels him
as the DRAMATIC MUSIC swells & swells. Stefan's eyes roll back in
his head! His expression becomes <strike>even more</strike> vacant <strike>than
usual</strike>. Klaus
has won. He decides to test his victory by asking A RIPPER (somewhere,
Rupert Giles is crying) if he would like a nice drink from the
doppelgänger neck.</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUBF5Xb8drH859iapGPtj_FDnTs4Eg6_wwQUVAN_SMtDxxxi6I_q24egjyPibDWSquPQE3FDtyK4x-xwOHSwmTFAnN-QP-K0H-HkofT3tCUcMLYJYUCtOQ43NbORQKZZiV9VqPmG1jeHRU/s1600/Untitled24.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUBF5Xb8drH859iapGPtj_FDnTs4Eg6_wwQUVAN_SMtDxxxi6I_q24egjyPibDWSquPQE3FDtyK4x-xwOHSwmTFAnN-QP-K0H-HkofT3tCUcMLYJYUCtOQ43NbORQKZZiV9VqPmG1jeHRU/s400/Untitled24.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLf1enbrW967s-Ys_Xr78DQPOiFXxuWoBgULytVsbj1UZevTCxnsoKE2WZkBeONoyjm8DCiKFUTyujOo7JIUHuR_Ut0yH20QeNR0HSK-PhdviouBOG9-6q_S1zP3j54zsb1vnULkNLjU0n/s1600/Untitled25.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLf1enbrW967s-Ys_Xr78DQPOiFXxuWoBgULytVsbj1UZevTCxnsoKE2WZkBeONoyjm8DCiKFUTyujOo7JIUHuR_Ut0yH20QeNR0HSK-PhdviouBOG9-6q_S1zP3j54zsb1vnULkNLjU0n/s400/Untitled25.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I
guess that's a yes.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
DRAMATIC
MUSIC FADE TO BLACK!!!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the science lab, Tyler's dying. Klaus comes in with a test tube of
Elena's blood because he doesn't think that the Original Witch told
the truth. So instead of killing Elena, he wants Tyler to drink a bit
of her blood. Well, that's much better for all involved, now isn't
it?
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
music gets all dramatic (again)! Tyler starts to thrash around on the
floor! Caroline screams! Tyler writhes! He cries out! And then, he
turns into this:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH-fht2UytkD4gyBeIFoJJsOe3vMS886-6xLgWeZWYWp5hLHqlJ1R17teUiGnVjhraHbbBqltrvKwLvbekWWp8uGuuAtnlzIhJLKpvMyOMgLGa-WqBhoG4Qdf1CWV5Gd_9e_d23ZHN5-zH/s1600/Untitled26.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH-fht2UytkD4gyBeIFoJJsOe3vMS886-6xLgWeZWYWp5hLHqlJ1R17teUiGnVjhraHbbBqltrvKwLvbekWWp8uGuuAtnlzIhJLKpvMyOMgLGa-WqBhoG4Qdf1CWV5Gd_9e_d23ZHN5-zH/s400/Untitled26.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Tyler
is now a bona fide werepire! Hooray for Klaus!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Later
on, Elena wakes up in a hospital bed. She wants to leave but the
nurse won't let her because she's lost a lot of blood. But it turns
out the nurse is taking her blood for Klaus! Out in the car park,
Klaus explains to Rebecca that the Original Witch was a very clever
lady who hated Klaus very much so she made it so that he had to kill
the doppelgänger to become a werepire, but in killing her would lose
the ability to make more werepires, therefore dooming him to an
eternity of loneliness. Because he couldn't, you know, make friends
with other vampires or werewolves.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">So
that's what Klaus's whole werepire obsession is about, Rebecca
figures out. Poor little Klaus is just afraid of being alone. If </span><i>I</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
didn't want to be alone, I wouldn't compel my best bro friend to
forget all about me & lock my sister in a coffin for ninety
years. But maybe that's just me. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
sends Rebecca off to get the truck so they & Elena can get the
hell out of this one horse town, when Damon shows up! Yay Damon! Only
he can save the day! Look at this face, this is a face that means
business:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhypOTTrIeXNlAW72gUek3YAT1uKDSTHmE8wuL20ftIXfa0GUKsfvDqfHgvAHSnz6KjXvotvNL3B87uirCIj8rlQfTpPOfqPxSO9vRgEnCwak-eJFYi2E1lKfFSBrZ3Pk2n8-Wb0NzPD6Le/s1600/Untitled27.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhypOTTrIeXNlAW72gUek3YAT1uKDSTHmE8wuL20ftIXfa0GUKsfvDqfHgvAHSnz6KjXvotvNL3B87uirCIj8rlQfTpPOfqPxSO9vRgEnCwak-eJFYi2E1lKfFSBrZ3Pk2n8-Wb0NzPD6Le/s400/Untitled27.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
goes to kill Damon but Damon tells him Michael the Vampire-Hunting
Vampire knows where he is! And he's coming to get him! So Klaus drops
Damon & disappears! He didn't even call his bluff!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
finds Elena asleep on the hospital bed & judging by the
soundtrack I think it may be time for another Deep & Meaningful
emo pop song closing scene! Yay!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">This
week, the song is about there being too many fights in the world
tonight & Elena whispers Damon's name & he carries her out of
the hospital. Cut to the high school, where Caroline wants to know if
Tyler's all right but he says he feels amazing & twirls her in
the air & says this is gonna be the best year ever. Caroline
smiles but she's secretly worried & the song is about looking to
you & someone stealing someone else's heart. Cut to the workout
room, where Matt is troubled & Bonnie tells him to try live his
life like a normal person but he knows he can't any more & the
music's all electric-guitar instrumental because Matt's too upset for
lyrics. Bonnie leaves & Matt hears someone beside him & he
looks up & it's Vicky & the song's all about someone staying
with someone else. Cut to Damon's house, where the music gently fades
& he offers a shell-shocked Elena some bourbon & hands her
her necklace, which he stole back from Katherine. Elena is More Than
Sad because Stefan's really gone this time & Damon wasn't there
to help. He says he shouldn't have left & - one more cliché for
the road! - promises he will </span><i>never</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
leave her </span><i>again</i><span style="font-style: normal;">. And
he does that weird eye thing.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Their
Tender Moment is suddenly cut short, however, when Actually Evil This
Time Stefan shows up at the living room door! Is it just me, or has
his hair gotten more vertical since the last scene? He pours himself
a scotch, cause he's clearly the Bad Boy now (& boy oh boy has he
worked on that swagger) & informs Elena that Klaus has asked him
to keep an eye on her while he's gone.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
somewhere far away, it's time for this week's
post-emo-pop-song-dramatic-montage cliffhanger scene!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Katherine
& Jeremy have found Michael the Vampire Hunting Vampire's tomb!
They break in & throw open the coffin lid! Houdini lies inside!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
music does daba-daba-DUM-daba-daba-DUM-daba-daba-DUM faster &
faster as Katherine & Jeremy look down... And the Hunter's eyes
open!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
DUN
DUN (DABA-DABA) DUNNNNNNN...</div>Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-13740540536392901982011-10-13T21:50:00.001+01:002012-04-20T17:33:32.836+01:00Lists of Bests & Other StoriesSo this list of the
top 100 young adult books has been making the rounds of book blogs
(I don't know who compiled it, though) & I don't know if I
particularly agree with it. By which I mean I don't agree with it.
(Sometimes, I try to be diplomatic & fail a little bit. By which
I mean I fail miserably.) It looks to me like a list of the most
popular contemporary young adult books, but, as anyone who's read
the <i>House of Night </i><span style="font-style: normal;">series
can attest to, most popular doesn't always mean best. By which I
mean everybody's tastes differ & one person's best may be
another person's worst. (Sometimes I do the diplomacy thing
backwards.)</span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyway,
I've bolded the books I've read & italicised those I've been
meaning to read for positively ages.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Top 100 Young Adult Books:<br />
<ol><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<ol>
<li>Alex Finn
– Beastly</li>
<li><b>Alice Sebold
– The Lovely Bones</b></li>
<li>Ally Carter
– Gallagher Girls (1, 2, 3, 4)</li>
<li>Ally Condie
– Matched</li>
<li><i>Alyson Noel
– The Immortals (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)</i></li>
<li>Anastasia Hopcus
– Shadow Hills</li>
<li>Angie Sage
– Septimus Heap (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)</li>
<li>Ann Brashares
– The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (1, 2, 3, 4)</li>
<li>Anna Godbersen
– Luxe (1, 2, 3, 4)</li>
<li>Anthony Horowitz
– Alex Rider (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)</li>
<li>Aprilynne Pike
– Wings (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li><i>Becca
Fitzpatrick – Hush, Hush (1, 2)</i></li>
<li>Brandon Mull
– Fablehaven (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)</li>
<li>Brian Selznick
– The Invention of Hugo Cabret</li>
<li><i>Cassandra
Clare – The Mortal Instruments (1, 2, 3, 4)</i></li>
<li>Carrie Jones
– Need (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li><b>Carrie Ryan – The Forest of Hands and Teeth (1, </b>2,
3, 4)</li>
<li><b>Christopher
Paolini – Inheritance (1, 2, 3, 4)</b></li>
<li>Cinda Williams
Chima – The Heir Chronicles (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li>Colleen Houck
– Tigers Saga (1, 2)</li>
<li><b>Cornelia Funke
– Inkheart (1, 2, 3)</b></li>
<li>Ellen Hopkins
– Impulse</li>
<li>Eoin Colfer –
Artemis Fowl (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)</li>
<li>Faraaz Kazi
– Truly, Madly, Deeply</li>
<li>Frank Beddor
– The Looking Glass Wars (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li>Gabrielle Zevin
– Elsewhere</li>
<li><b>Gail Carson
Levine – Fairest</b></li>
<li><b>Holly Black – Tithe (1, 2,</b> 3)</li>
<li><b>J.K. Rowling –
Harry Potter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)</b></li>
<li>James Dashner
– The Maze Runner (1, 2)</li>
<li>James Patterson
– Maximum Ride (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)</li>
<li>Jay Asher
– Thirteen Reasons Why</li>
<li><i>Jeanne DuPrau
– Books of Ember (1, 2, 3, 4)</i></li>
<li>Jeff Kinney
– Diary of a Wimpy Kid (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)</li>
<li><b>John Boyne
– The Boy in the Striped Pajamas</b></li>
<li>John Green – An
Abundance of Katherines</li>
<li><i>John Green
– Looking for Alaska</i></li>
<li>John Green
– Paper Towns</li>
<li>Jonathan Stroud
– Bartimaeus (1, 2, 3, 4)</li>
<li>Kami Garcia &
Margaret Stohl – Caster Chronicles (1, 2)</li>
<li>Kelley Armstrong
– Darkest Powers (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li>Kristin Cashore
– The Seven Kingdoms (1, 2)</li>
<li><i>Lauren Kate
– Fallen (1, 2, 3)</i></li>
<li><b>Lemony Snicket
– Series of Unfortunate Events (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,
9, 10, 11, 12, 13)</b></li>
<li>Libba Bray
– Gemma Doyle (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li>Lisa McMann
– Dream Catcher (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li><b>Louise
Rennison – Confessions of Georgia Nicolson (1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)</b></li>
<li><i>M.T. Anderson
– Feed</i></li>
<li><i>Maggie
Stiefvater – The Wolves of Mercy Falls (1, 2, 3)</i></li>
<li>Margaret Peterson
Haddix – Shadow Children (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)</li>
<li>Maria V. Snyder
– Study (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li><i>Markus Zusak
– The Book Thief</i></li>
<li>Markus Zusak – I
am the Messenger</li>
<li><b>Mark Haddon
– The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time</b></li>
<li>Mary Ting
– Crossroads</li>
<li>Maureen Johnson
– Little Blue Envelope (1, 2)</li>
<li><b>Meg Cabot
– All-American Girl (1, 2)</b></li>
<li>Meg Cabot – The
Mediator (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)</li>
<li><b>Meg Cabot
– The Princess Diaries (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)</b></li>
<li><b>Meg Rosoff
– How I Live Now</b></li>
<li>Megan McCafferty
– Jessica Darling (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)</li>
<li>Megan Whalen
Turner – The Queen’s Thief (1, 2, 3, 4)</li>
<li>Melina Marchetta
– On the Jellicoe Road</li>
<li><b>Melissa de la
Cruz – Blue Bloods (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)</b></li>
<li><b>Melissa Marr
– Wicked Lovely (1,</b> 2, 3, 4, 5)</li>
<li>Michael Grant
– Gone (1, 2, 3, 4)</li>
<li>Nancy Farmer
– The House of the Scorpion</li>
<li>Neal Shusterman
– Unwind</li>
<li><b>Neil Gaiman
– Coraline</b></li>
<li><b>Neil Gaiman
– Stardust</b></li>
<li><b>Neil Gaiman
– The Graveyard Book</b></li>
<li><b>P.C. Cast &
Kristin Cast – House of Night (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)</b></li>
<li><b>Philip Pullman
– His Dark Materials (1, 2, 3)</b></li>
<li><b>Rachel Caine
– The Morganville Vampires (1, 2, 3, 4, 5,</b> 6, 7, 8,
9, 10)</li>
<li>Rachel Cohn &
David Levithan – Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist</li>
<li><b>Richelle Mead
– Vampire Academy (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)</b></li>
<li>Rick Riordan
– Percy Jackson and the Olympians (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)</li>
<li>Rom LcO’Feer
– Somewhere Carnal Over 40 Winks</li>
<li>S.L. Naeole
– Grace (1, 2, 3, 4)</li>
<li>Sabrina Bryan &
Julia DeVillers – Princess of Gossip</li>
<li>Sarah Dessen
– Along for the Ride</li>
<li>Sarah Dessen
– Lock and Key</li>
<li>Sarah Dessen
– The Truth about Forever</li>
<li>Sara Shepard
– Pretty Little Liars (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)</li>
<li>Scott Westerfeld
– Leviathan (1, 2)</li>
<li>Scott Westerfeld
– Uglies (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li>Shannon Hale
– Books of a Thousand Days</li>
<li>Shannon Hale
– Princess Academy</li>
<li>Shannon Hale
– The Books of Bayern (1, 2, 3, 4)</li>
<li>Sherman Alexie &
Ellen Forney – The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time
Indian</li>
<li>Simone Elkeles
– Perfect Chemistry (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li><b>Stephenie
Meyer – The Host</b></li>
<li><b>Stephenie
Meyer – Twilight Saga (1, 2, 3, 4)</b></li>
<li>Sue Monk Kidd
– The Secret Life of Bees</li>
<li>Susan Beth
Pfeffer – Last Survivors (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li><b>Suzanne
Collins – Hunger Games (1, 2, 3)</b></li>
<li>Suzanne Collins
– Underland Chronicles (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)</li>
<li><b>Terry
Pratchett – Tiffany Aching (1, 2, 3, 4)</b></li>
<li>Tonya Hurley
– Ghost Girl (1, 2, 3)</li>
<li>Wendelin Van
Draanen – Flipped</li>
</ol>
</ol>
(I've bolded Melissa
Marr's first <i>Wicked Lovely </i><span style="font-style: normal;">book
even though I'm only halfway through it because I'll have finished it
by tomorrow. So far I like it, even though it involves fairies &
employs that terribly over-used Supernatural Hunky Bad Boy
Borderline-Abusive Stalker Who Wins Our Heroine's Heart trope. I'm
hoping that if I continue thinking positive thoughts it'll go away.)</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
How many of these have
you guys read? Are there any in particular you'd recommend? Do you
agree that this represents the best 100 young adult books?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Also, does <i>The Lovely
Bones</i> really count as young adult fiction? I'd consider some of these
general fiction (<i>The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas</i>, for example,
& <i>The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time</i>), &
I'd consider others more children's fiction than essentially young
adult (<i>Diary of a Wimpy Kid</i><span style="font-style: normal;">,
</span><i>A Series of Unfortunate Events</i> & <i>Harry Potter</i>,
for example, as well as <i>Coraline</i>, <i>The Graveyard Book</i>,
the <i>Tiffany Aching</i> books, & even <i>His Dark Materials</i>).
Do you agree? Disagree? A few weeks ago, a friend of mine who
studies science fiction told me that she considers Margaret Atwood's
<i>The Handmaiden's Tale</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> to be a
sci-fi novel. I guess that reading age-groups, like genre, can be
slippery things.</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Bitch
Magazine also compiled a list of young adult books earlier this year,
& it looks very different to the list above (& not just because I couldn't figure out the list formatting). Also I know there were <a href="http://bookshelvesofdoom.blogs.com/bookshelves_of_doom/2011/02/the-100-young-adult-books-for-the-feminist-reader-list-has-been-revised.html">all kinds of kerfluffles</a> about the removal of certain books from this list, & while I agree with a lot of what <a href="http://blog.schoollibraryjournal.com/teacozy/2011/02/02/100-young-adult-books-for-the-the-feminist-reader/">was</a> <a href="http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/index.php/weblog/comments/bitch-please.-no-really.-please/">said</a> on the matter, I'm choosing to ignore that for the sake of staying on topic. Also because it was ages ago. Also also because this post is long enough as it is. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
100 Young Adult
Books for the Feminist Reader:<br />
<ol>
<ol>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">1.
Estrella's Quinceañera by Malin Alegria<br />2. How the Garcia
Girls Lost Their Accents by Julia Alvarez<br />3. Choir Boy by
Charlie Anders</span><i>4. Speak by Laurie Halse
Anderson<br />5. Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson</i><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />6.
Alt Ed by Catherine Atkins<br />7. The Rhyming Season by
Edward Averett<br />8. The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by
Avi</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><b>9. Tithe: A Modern
Faerie Tale by Holly Black<br />10. Dangerous Angels by
Francesca Lia Block<br />11. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by
Judy Blume<br />12. Forever by Judy Blume</b></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />13.
A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray<br />14. Debbie Harry
Sings in French by Meagan Brothers</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><b>15.
All-American Girl by Meg Cabot</b></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />16.
Graceling by Kristin Cashore<br />17. The Plain Janes by
Cecil Castelluci and Jim Rugg<br />18. This is All: The Pillow Book of
Cordelia Kenn by Aidan Chambers<br />19. Dancing in Red Shoes
Will Kill You by Dorian Cirrone</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><b>20.
The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros</b></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />21.
Magic Knight Rayearth by CLAMP<br />22. Celine by Brock
Cole</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><b>23. The Hunger
Games by Suzanne Collins</b></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />24.
Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech<br />25. The Midwife's
Apprentice by Karen Cushman<br />26. Sex Education by Jenny
Davis<br />27. Mare’s War by Tanita S. Davis</span><br />
<i>28.
Dreamland by Sarah Dessen</i><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />29.
For the Win by Cory Doctorow<br />30. Down to the Bone by
Mayra Lazara Dole<br />31. A Northern Light by Jennifer
Donnelly<br />32. El Lector by William Durbin<br />33. The Skin I’m
In by Sharon Flake</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><b>34.
Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh</b></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />35.
Breathing Underwater by Alex Flinn<br />36. Crossing Stones by
Helen Frost</span><br />
<i>37. Annie on my Mind by Nancy
Garden</i><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />38. The Year They
Burned the Books by Nancy Garden<br />39. Sticks and Stones by
Beth Goobie<br />40. Nothing But the Truth (and a few white lies) by
Justina Chen Headley<br />41. Out of the Dust by Karen
Hesse</span><br />
<i>42. Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne
Jones</i><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />43. It’s Not What
You Expect by Norma Klein<br />44. Uncommon Faith by Trudy
Krisher<br />45. The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by
E. Lockhart<br />46. Toning the Sweep by Angela Johnson<br />47.
The Bermudez Triangle by Maureen Johnson<br />48. Another Kind of
Cowboy by Susan Juby<br />49. White Sands, Red Menace by
Ellen Klages</span><br />
<i>50. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine
L’engle</i><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />51. Magic or
Madness by Justine Larbalestier<br />52. Voices by Ursula K.
Le Guin</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><b>53. Ella
Echanted by Gail Carson Levine</b></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />54.
Gravity by Leanne Lieberman<br />55. Ash by Malinda Lo<br />56.
Number the Stars by Lois Lowry</span><br />
<i>57. Tomorrow,
When the War Began by John Marsden</i><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />58.
Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty<br />59. Sold by Patricia
McCormick<br />60. The Member of the Wedding by Carson
McCullers<br />61. Thunder Over Kandahar by Sharon E.
McKay<br />62. The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley<br />63. The
Secret Under My Skin by Janet McNaughton<br />64. Night Flying by
Rita Murphy<br />65. Revenge by Taslima Nasrin<br />66. A Step from
Heaven by An Na<br />67. Skip Beat! By Yosiki Nakamura<br />68.
Simply Alice by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor<br />69. Island of the
Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell<br />70. Zahrah the
Windseeker by Nnedi Okorafor-Mbachu<br />71. Rampant by
Diana Peterfreund<br />72. Keeping You a Secret by Julie Anne
Peters<br />73. Luna by Julie Anne Peters<br />74. Alanna: The
First Adventure by Tamora Pierce<br />75. Trickster’s Choice by
Tamora Pierce<br />76. What Happened to Lani Garver by Carol
Plum-Ucci<br />77. Imani All Mine by Connie Rose Porter</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><b>78.
The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman<br />79. The Ruby in the
Smoke by Philip Pullman</b></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />80.
Beneath My Mother's Feet by Amjed Qamar<br />81. The Sweet
In-Between by Sheri Reynolds<br />82. Flygirl by Sherri
Smith<br />83. Lucy the Giant by Sherri Smith</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"><b>84.
Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor</b></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />85.
Big Fat Manifesto by Susan Vaught<br />86. Climbing the Stairs by
Padma Venkatraman<br />87. Not That Kind of Girl by Siobhan
Vivian<br />88. Izzy, Willy-Nilly by Cynthia Voigt<br />89. Cress
Delahanty by Jessamyn West</span><br />
<i>90. Uglies by
Scott Westerfeld</i><span style="font-style: normal;"><br />91. When
Kambia Elaine Flew in from Neptune by Lori Aurelia Williams<br />92.
Blue Tights by Rita Williams-Garcia<br />93. One Crazy Summer by
Rita Williams-Garcia<br />94. Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger<br />95.
Make Lemonade by Virginia Euwer Wolff<br />96. The House You Pass
on the Way by Jaqueline Woodson<br />97. Dealing with Dragons by
Patricia C. Wrede<br />98. When the Black Girl Sings by Bil
Wright<br />99. Sweethearts by Sara Zarr</span><br />
<i>100. The
Book Thief by Markus Zusak</i></div>
</ol>
</ol>
Interestingly
enough, there are no vampire texts on this list... Could it be
because the majority of them are not particularly feminist (by which
I mean really not feminist at all, *cough*Twilight*cough*)? Although
Richelle Mead's <i>Vampire Academy</i> is a refreshing exception to
that rule.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Also,
Francesca Lia Block's <i>Weetzie Bat</i> books are still my favourite
things ever. There aren't many books I was obsessed with as a teen
that stayed with me through adult re-readings, but Weetzie Bat is
still kinda my hero.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Speaking of which, I
think I might have to re-read my old favourite young adult books &
make up a little list of my own. What about you guys? What would be on your list of best young adult books?<br />
<br />
ETA: Here's a great list of <a href="http://friendofdorothywilde.blogspot.com/2011/02/36-young-adult-books-for-feminist-adult.html">36 Young Adult Books for the Feminist Adult</a> compiled by the wonderful Rie at <a href="http://friendofdorothywilde.blogspot.com/">Friend of Dorothy Wilde</a>, who constantly expands my Books-To-Read list.</div>Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-56291034151113135902011-10-10T14:28:00.001+01:002011-10-10T14:28:51.769+01:00Important Life Lessons & Dramatic Fades to Black: The Vampire Diaries 3:4 Recap<br />
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Next week, I promise to
write at least one post that has nothing whatsoever to do with <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, but for now,
I'm going to continue recapping each episode. Because if I don't make
fun of this show, who will?</span></div>
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Previously on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.com/2011/10/important-life-lessons-overabundance-of.html">all</a> <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.com/2011/09/important-life-lessons-counting-sighs.html">this</a> <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.com/2011/09/important-life-lessons-every-cliche-in.html">stuff</a> happened, & there were a lot of flashbacks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">This
week, the </span><i>Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
team is mixing it up a little, & giving us the title text after
the </span><i>previously on</i><span style="font-style: normal;">. I'm
not sure what this means for the rest of their tried & tested
formulae this episode. I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting a
little worried. There are certain things I expect from </span><i>The
Vampire Diaries </i><span style="font-style: normal;">each week &
I don't appreciate them changing everything up on me now. Am I
reading too much into the early title text? Do I have slight OCD
tendencies? Have I watched way too much </span><i>Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">?
Read on to find out!</span></div>
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This
week's opening song is some kind of electro-pop dance thing. It
bounces! It's repetitive! It's different! Know why? Cause this week,
we open in Chicago! It's the big city! There are buildings! And
buses! And multiple places to eat! It's everything Mystic Falls
lacks! It even gets its own subtitle to tell us what it is! Mystic
Falls never gets a subtitle.</div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">We
rejoin our Evilest of Evil Duos in a posh boutique where they are
lounging on divans drinking champagne, which is clearly what Evil
Duos do best. Don't they know that </span><i>Damon</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
is supposed to drink in the opening scene of every episode, not
Stefan? This is very unsettling. Anyway. Rebecca is trying on dresses
& learning about the twenty-first century since she was
temporarily murdered by her brother in 1922 & is missing out on a
significant chunk of time. Rebecca doesn't like the clothes she's
trying on because she got dirty looks when she wore trousers back in
the 20s & women today, according to her, dress like prostitutes.
Klaus, who totally understands how feminism works, informs her that
she wore trousers so that the women of today could wear nothing.
Rebecca also hates the music. That, I can agree with her about. Come
back, emo songs, all is forgiven! </span>
</div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">Klaus
is grumpy because Rebecca doesn't have the Magic Witchy Necklace any
more. Stefan's definitely not telling them that he knows where it is.
He's getting pretty distracted by Rebecca's prostitute dress, though,
so decides to go outside & "get some air". But who's
that smirking at him from the opposite side of the street? She looks
like sweet little Elena but her hair is wavy so you know she's evil:
it's Katherine!</span></div>
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In
Mystic Falls Elena is in the kitchen, making chilli to bring to a
potluck -</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #1: In American small towns, even ones infested with vampires
or on the brink of disaster, there are always potlucks. No matter
what happens, there will always be potlucks.</div>
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<br />
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- &
Damon is in the kitchen, criticising her chilli because he's in love
with her & that's the only way he knows how to show it.</div>
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In
this scene, we are reaffirming the normality of Elena & Damon's
burgeoning relationship with teasing japes, hip bumps & stupid
grins. I'm not buying it. Neither is Alaric. Elena explains that
Damon is staying close in case she Breaks. You know, because she
spent the whole summer chasing her murdering vampire boyfriend who
kept running away & finally realised that maybe he didn't want to
be found after all. But she's still wearing the Magic Witchy Necklace
he gave her, & that signifies their Unbreakable Bond even though
it totally belonged to his vampire ex-girlfriend before he gave it to
her. Oops.</div>
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In
Chicago, Katherine has beckoned & Stefan has followed. Katherine
somehow knows that Klaus is looking for Rebecca's necklace, & she
also knows that Stefan gave Elena said necklace in season one. But
Stefan has a Diabolical Plan! And he won't tell Katherine! Katherine
doesn't like that very much but Stefan says to stay out of it
because he doesn't need her help. Katherine doesn't like that very
much either.
</div>
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Back
in Mystic Falls, Jeremy is busy being a Sensitive Artsy Teenage Boy
asleep in his clothes surrounded by charcoal & sketchpads. He
rolls over & suddenly his staked-vampire-turned-ghost
ex-girlfriend is lying beside him!
</div>
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Jeremy
gets a bit of a fright. His staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriend
is glad he can hear her because she's been yelling his name &
screaming at him for days, which isn't creepy at all. (Like, even in
the shower?) Jeremy says he was dreaming about her, which is probably
why she's all corporeal now & Anna just focuses on the fact that
he was dreaming about her & stares romantically into his eyes.
Didn't you have something important to tell him, Anna?
</div>
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Downstairs,
Caroline has brought Elena chilli (because, remember, Damon joked
that everybody brings chilli to a potluck) & Bonnie, Elena's Good
Witch Best Friend, who is home after spending the entire summer with
her dad's family. Bonnie is also Jeremy's Good Witch Girlfriend, &
she probably wouldn't be thrilled to know that he was busy making
swoony eyes at his staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriend as she
was coming up the driveway. Anna appears reflected in the hall mirror
as Jeremy & Bonnie kiss. Nope, not creepy at all.</div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">Outside
City Hall across town, Damon is talking to Caroline's sheriff mom
about the whole kidnap-&-torture thing that happened with
Caroline's dad & not only do we learn that the sheriff's
ex-husband is a torturer, but he's gay, too, which is pretty much
just as bad. Damon wants to kill him but the sheriff, while happy
being friends with vampires, doesn't "advocate their lifestyle."
Damon wittily quips that that's probably what she said to Caroline's
dad when they divorced. Yes we see what you did there, </span><i>Vampire
Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, you compared gay people
to vampires. That's very clever & not offensive at all. Please,
carry on.</span></div>
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #2: There is a dark & dank dungeon full of cells &
chains under every City Hall in America.</div>
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Bill
is chained to the same chair he tortured his daughter in. Damon takes
a little taste of him to make sure there's no vervain in his system &
proceeds to erase his memory & compel him to leave town.
Something tells me we haven't seen the last of Caroline's Gay
Torturer Dad or his heavy-handed allegories about being able to
change vampires' natures.</div>
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Life
Lesson #3: Gay people - they're like vampires, only worse.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Chicago, Gloria is casting a spell to find Rebecca's necklace.
Rebecca figures Gloria can probably use her in the locator spell
because after all she did wear the damn thing for a thousand years.
That necklace looks awfully modern for a thousand & ninety year
old piece of jewellery. But anyway.</div>
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<br />
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We
cut back to Elena's kitchen, where Elena & Caroline are catching
up with Bonnie when the necklace suddenly begins to burn Elena's
skin! In Chicago, Gloria can Sense Something! Elena can mostly sense
blistered flesh. Gloria does some Witchy Chants while Bonnie asks
Elena if she can see the necklace. When she touches it the necklace
sends off sparks & burns her too! Gloria looks at Stefan. She
does that dramatic X-Factor waiting-for-the-results pause & says
ominously: "I've found it." Dun dun dunnnnnn...</div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">When
the fade-out fades back in, we learn that, to Stefan's relief, Gloria
doesn't actually know </span><i>where</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
the necklace is, just that there's a girl & her friends &
that somehow has something to do with it. Mostly, she needs Klaus to
get his Evil English Werepire self outta her face so she can work on
the details. The Evil <strike>Duo </strike>Trio leave the bar & Gloria
looks relieved.</span></div>
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Back
in Mystic Falls it's Founder's Day at the Lockwood mansion &
Bonnie has brought her Big Book o'Spells to the barbecue to try find
out what made the Magic Witchy Necklace burn. Caroline is more
concerned with finding out if Elena's switching vampire brother
boyfriends. Also, she loves her father dearly. *headdesk*
</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #4: You can decide not to be involved in your daughter's life
at all for two seasons & then kidnap her, torture her & try
to brainwash her but don't worry, she'll still love you dearly. I'm
guessing she doesn't know he's gay, or she'd probably be a lot less
understanding.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But
enough with the love stuff, Bonnie's found a locator charm in her Big
Book o'Spells! Or no, she hasn't, the necklace has just randomly
decided to levitate! You can tell it's not supposed to be happening
because the music's gone all waily. Because of the burning & the
levitation & the waily music, Bonnie cleverly concurs that
Elena's necklace must be Witchy & Magical. Doesn't she already
know that <i>all </i>jewellery is magical jewellery?</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #5: All jewellery is magical jewellery. I know these lessons
can get a little repetitive, but they are Very Important & also
Very True. So hide those hoop earrings, cause you never know what
they're gonna do.</div>
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Up at the house,
everyone brought chilli to the potluck -</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #6:
Everyone brings chilli to a potluck</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
- & Alaric is
father-figuring by telling Damon to keep away from Elena. Damon gives
Alaric a good look at his Unhappy Eyebrows before following the
sheriff away to the council meeting upstairs.
</div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In Chicago, the Evil
Trio are snacking on blondes & Rebecca is bratty & bored
because that's all female vampires can ever be. She even brattily
whinges that she isn't bratty, which amuses our Evil Duo mightily.
Stefan drains his blonde (you can almost hear the
slurping-at-the-straw-even-when-there's-no-milkshake left sound) &
goes off to write her name on his creepy wall.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back in Mystic Falls,
Jeremy leaves the Lockwood potluck to hide in one of the mansion's
many rooms & talk to his staked-vampire-turned-ghost
ex-girlfriend. Anna wants to know why he hasn't told his <i>actual</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
girlfriend that he can talk to ghosts yet, but Jeremy just wants to
know how this whole Sixth Sense thing is happening. There's a lot of
soft music & talk about the Other Side & Anna says that Vicki
(the other staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriend) is Dark &
Dangerous. She warns Jeremy not to let her in (apparently ghosts can
only appear to you if you want them to, which pretty much goes
against everything horror has taught me about ghosts). </span>
</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Hey, you know what we
haven't had in a while? A cliché! I've really missed those clichés!
Here's one though: the Ghost Story Cliché! Ghost comes back to her
loved one & tries to touch him but he can't feel it so they raise
up their hands & touch & they Feel Something!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Now, we return to
Chicago, where Stefan has called in to Gloria's bar. He wants to know
what she learned about the whereabouts of the necklace. Gloria heard
the girls talking about Stefan but didn't say anything to Klaus
because he's a hybrid halfbreed & she wouldn't help him with
anything. However, as the Magic Witchy Necklace is actually a Very
Important Talisman once owned by the Original Witch herself, Gloria
wants it. She threatens to tell Klaus that his sidekick's a liar if
Stefan doesn't help her get the Very Important Talisman, & when
Stefan turns to attack her she blasts him with a Magical Migraine.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj74UJ4TGYJzBEPmQrCpqs8OXCDMYeCWhiLKk9qV92nlF9g_RaULF1URfBOYdux3EuRND37FeIbwHC4zvZdXZffIhdqiKtAW_0N0PbUwGxCUASkW6X1G34HmXPol4E-ydl-59LPNr4XzWmy/s1600/Untitled8.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj74UJ4TGYJzBEPmQrCpqs8OXCDMYeCWhiLKk9qV92nlF9g_RaULF1URfBOYdux3EuRND37FeIbwHC4zvZdXZffIhdqiKtAW_0N0PbUwGxCUASkW6X1G34HmXPol4E-ydl-59LPNr4XzWmy/s400/Untitled8.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Once the dramatic music
has <i>dun dun dunnnnn</i>ed itself out, we cut back to the bar, but
it's dark & littered with witchy paraphernalia & Stefan's
lying paralysed & shirtless on a table.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #7: Spells
only work on shirtless men.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6mL8X6CjFehwoCCwcR2_I4maTccJia9DA2ds_8jueKz76AqNGkSGENKNIBRXYg_UDw1WuwuzKq7jd4xr_-5_hog2NXfYBs-iQD4l48RUMHT_iaN5Slhp3gR15-hjo9HhKYgHim07JRoQ9/s1600/Untitled9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6mL8X6CjFehwoCCwcR2_I4maTccJia9DA2ds_8jueKz76AqNGkSGENKNIBRXYg_UDw1WuwuzKq7jd4xr_-5_hog2NXfYBs-iQD4l48RUMHT_iaN5Slhp3gR15-hjo9HhKYgHim07JRoQ9/s400/Untitled9.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Also? I don't know
about you guys, but this is not the kind of face <i>I</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
make when I'm in pain... Anyway! Moving right along!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Gloria's
not one of those modern hippie witches, she likes to keep it old
school voodoo, with the slit wrists & the anti-Magical Vampire
Healing wound clamps & the vases to collect the blood in. She
doesn't even need a Big Book o'Spells, she's that hardcore. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt8sx6lmeTvSi-ZvBI3MpOzMVtceJWXoYdvXpmy4FTtOg5mrAt0cpjNbJTleXygcMFKkYD8KUte_fNRcRuxvAEVveAm0uhpIGTwLP-a8cAcX-CB1qYsG98Z_4_dIDPnj555kVdFGqclHqB/s1600/Untitled10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt8sx6lmeTvSi-ZvBI3MpOzMVtceJWXoYdvXpmy4FTtOg5mrAt0cpjNbJTleXygcMFKkYD8KUte_fNRcRuxvAEVveAm0uhpIGTwLP-a8cAcX-CB1qYsG98Z_4_dIDPnj555kVdFGqclHqB/s400/Untitled10.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
See, now <i>that's</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
a pain face.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Back
in the Lockwood mansion, the <strike>Vampire Hunters Anonymous</strike> Town
Council Meeting is in session. This one's short & sweet, as there
haven't been any signs of vampire activity all summer. It's all been
sunshine, daisies & torturing Dads in Mystic Falls lately.
Speaking of which, here's Bill! What a surprise! That mind-control
memory-loss really didn't take, did it?</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">(Oh
wow, I've just realised something! Bill is totally Claire's Dad in
Heroes! Typecast, much? I'd been wondering why he looked so familiar
for the last few weeks. The generic bad guy with a superhuman blond
teenage daughter look really should have given it away sooner. Maybe
Clark Kent was right & people with glasses are completely
unrecognisable when they take them off... Maybe he's actually
Superman!)</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYugHpcEpNtueRLRf5cCeX6f1-ATdjRE-uJnIjPn-FWkR-BqfPFpDSJRzWEfh2JkKTmVboU1j2uDB88rEhtve-a-KuHHms_mF-PJIjZHvBJqFFl4XNCLhnCaH9ViGkubgEd-dt567TkMzV/s1600/Untitled.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYugHpcEpNtueRLRf5cCeX6f1-ATdjRE-uJnIjPn-FWkR-BqfPFpDSJRzWEfh2JkKTmVboU1j2uDB88rEhtve-a-KuHHms_mF-PJIjZHvBJqFFl4XNCLhnCaH9ViGkubgEd-dt567TkMzV/s400/Untitled.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(It's a simple but convincing equation.)
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Meanwhile, in Jeremy's bedroom, Bonnie & Jeremy are looking through a bunch of
Big Books o'Spells to find something about the Magical Witchy
Necklace. Bonnie can't use the Ghosts of Witches Past to help her
like last season because they cut her off after she brought Jeremy
back from the dead. You'd think with all this talk of ghosts Jeremy
could explain his spectral predicament to his Good Witch Girlfriend,
but he pretends everything's just fine instead. That is, until Anna
appears behind Bonnie to warn him that The Darkness approaches.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCxj5KU_AJg0Kb_PYJdD5cpShA1PDNxfYolz5oXEIbi7u0oLDREAC5DmtqN-hkb5pg5TwEn2A8vbG8pmzvJpvYreWIgkIozmLgDt7iy4vG2wdHZcQ9ztBfmFpyospTEXGzw66Ci5TBmaCN/s1600/darkness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCxj5KU_AJg0Kb_PYJdD5cpShA1PDNxfYolz5oXEIbi7u0oLDREAC5DmtqN-hkb5pg5TwEn2A8vbG8pmzvJpvYreWIgkIozmLgDt7iy4vG2wdHZcQ9ztBfmFpyospTEXGzw66Ci5TBmaCN/s400/darkness.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">No,
not that kind of Darkness, the kind of Darkness that sets Big Books
o'Spells on fire! Panic ensues. Bonnie <strike>waves her wand & casts
a flame-freezing charm</strike> says <strike>aguamenti</strike> something in Latin
& the flames go out. Dramatic music plays.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Back
in Chicago, Gloria's Topless Stefan Spell is still underway. Gloria
puts her hands on Stefan's chest & learns through blurry blue
flashbacks that Elena is the girl with the necklace, that Stefan
loves her & would do anything for her, & oh yeah, that she's
the Doppelgänger & is supposed to be dead & she just happens
to be the reason why Klaus's hybrid-making experiment failed in
bloody tears. But just as Gloria is basking in this knowledge,
Katherine comes up behind her & stabs her in the neck! See
Stefan, you did need her help after all!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Back
in Mystic Falls, Elena, Caroline & Alaric are ready to leave the
party but can't find Damon. Caroline is being mean to Elena by
insulting her new favourite vampire brother. Which isn't fair because
Damon really doesn't deserve Caroline's scorn. I mean, all he did was
compel her for months, date-rape her on several occasions & then
kill her & turn her into a vampire. But he's the Good Brother
now! God, Caroline, stop being such a kill-joy.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Life
Lesson #8: Warning your friend against your abusive ex-boyfriend
simply isn't fair & you should just get over yourself & be
happy that she's got such a swell fella to protect her now that her
boyfriend's become evil.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Damon
finds our heroes as they leave the house & tells them that Bill
is impervious to compulsion & has threatened to out Damon. Which
is Very Ironic because, remember, Bill is gay, & it's gay people
that get outed, not vampires. Gay. Remember? Bill is gay. Slightly
less importantly, he wants to run the town council & put vervain
in the water supply. Elena thinks that's not a bad idea because it
will help Damon control himself now that he's the Good Brother &
doesn't have an actual Good Brother to keep him in check. Damon
really doesn't like this reasoning. He wants to go kill Caroline's
dad immediately but Alaric pulls another father-figure & blocks
his path. </span>Damon puts on his Bad Boy face, says "your
temporary funeral" & breaks Alaric's neck.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Now. Let's talk about
his whole "your temporary funeral" business. We all know
that Alaric has Elena's Supernatural Protection Ring that means he
can't be killed by anything supernatural. Which apparently means he's
also immune to regular, snapped-neck killing if it's done by
supernatural beings. Not only does that not make sense, but Damon's
little quip makes even <i>less</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
sense because even if Alaric's is only a temporary death, there's no
such thing as a temporary funeral. Funerals are temporary by nature;
you have one, then you go home. Or get buried, depending whose
funeral it is. And anyway, they won't give Alaric a funeral because
of Life Lesson #9: Nobody ever bloody dies in this show! So it can't
be his temporary funeral! I don't know why this bothers me so much!
Let's move on!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">We
move on to Chicago, where Katherine & Stefan are cleaning up
their witchy mess & Katherine has figured out Stefan's Diabolical
Plan. He knows Klaus will never trust him but Rebecca is a woman, &
therefore weak, & an easy mark, so he plans to make her fall even
more deeply in love with him than she was ninety years ago. How will
he do this? By bonding with Klaus & making her feel left out, of
course! That </span><i>really</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
gets the girls going. Stefan also wants to know who this Hunter that
Klaus is so afraid of is because that's how Stefan'll make his move.
Katherine wants in on the plan but Stefan is a Lone Wolf now &
tells her to find someone else to be her partner in crime.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">It's
an emo pop song again! And we're back in a bedroom in Mystic Falls
with sad characters being sad! Now there's the </span><i>Vampire
Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> we know & <strike>love</strike> know. Caroline's hiding out from her dad in Tyler's bedroom when he
comes home from football practice. Tyler comforts Caroline, who is
Very Upset because through everything, Bill is still her dad &
she loves her dad. Tyler raises this episode's Shirtless Count to two
when they start smooching, but then Elena calls Caroline because of
Alaric's broken neck & that totally ruins the mood.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4GfXlaOLgnT0B_N5BqWS9kvHwMolKHmePYTipg4zVIb8s4nHlT0kpLZsOSn0Pp6-RmkLd1XiJPRa0xzxOLAIrVfaDMWF_EcUhGJziSzzuGm2iPe0XLcyTbiHHJ-3IEPej-BQyzFgkvEIZ/s1600/Untitled12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4GfXlaOLgnT0B_N5BqWS9kvHwMolKHmePYTipg4zVIb8s4nHlT0kpLZsOSn0Pp6-RmkLd1XiJPRa0xzxOLAIrVfaDMWF_EcUhGJziSzzuGm2iPe0XLcyTbiHHJ-3IEPej-BQyzFgkvEIZ/s400/Untitled12.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Downstairs,
Bill is drinking Scotch because he does everything in moderation, &
explaining his compulsion immunity to Damon. He also thinks Damon's
technique is rather sloppy. Hur hur. Then he makes the mistake of
telling Damon he's not self-destructive enough to kill the sheriff's
ex-husband. Damon, who really doesn't like being underestimated,
sticks his fangs in Bill's neck.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">When
the dramatic fade-out fades back in again (deja vue) Damon's still
sucking on Bill (okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop). He isn't going to kill
him though, just toy with him a little. However, Caroline's not big
on that idea, so she zooms across the room & throws Damon at a
wall. And then through a window. And when he comes back while she's
healing her dad with her Magical Vampire Blood & tells her to
leave, she punches him in the face. I like Caroline. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Damon
hits her & holds her down because he's stronger but she breaks
his arm & headbuts him off her cause she's angrier. And more
awesome. Then she zooms her dad out of the room.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Elena
(who ran in when Damon's hands were at her friend's throat) &
Damon then have an argument because Elena doesn't want Damon to be
what other people think he is & Damon doesn't want to be
controlled. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Life
Lesson #10: Teenage vampires - they never grow up.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Back
at Jeremy's house, Bonnie is vaccuuming up ashes after the Great
Spellbook Fire of 2011 & Jeremy is in the bathroom, talking to
his staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriend. Jeremy wants Anna to
stop appearing every time he's with Bonnie, but Anna reminds him that
she can only appear when he's thinking about her. She realises that
he hasn't told Bonnie he can see her because he still cares. But
Jeremy does the right thing & says goodbye & as Anna's voice
gets more & more echoey he shuts her out for good. Then he goes
into the bedroom & tells Bonnie everything & Anna cries
echoilly in the doorway & says she's all alone. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisawQyxYRq5I-bzXOtWSwQcOMGZQviPqaRZGlhT9b5YiiNv3w0LEVoFs32ZWXS9-DkH4TOdL3YgPGzVf5_9s2ZF_Kt-6BddLCaKeoqMdEqFSxk1yowQuPud2Kd9wQ2dRWsRz5X93Q9Y-3L/s1600/Untitled13.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisawQyxYRq5I-bzXOtWSwQcOMGZQviPqaRZGlhT9b5YiiNv3w0LEVoFs32ZWXS9-DkH4TOdL3YgPGzVf5_9s2ZF_Kt-6BddLCaKeoqMdEqFSxk1yowQuPud2Kd9wQ2dRWsRz5X93Q9Y-3L/s400/Untitled13.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Meanwhile,
in Chicago, dramatic music plays & Stefan revisits the coffin
warehouse where Klaus was keeping Rebecca. He's about to open a
coffin when Rebecca herself comes in & stops the music. She won't
talk about who's hunting them but they chitchat about Klaus for a bit
& then Rebecca pulls Stefan forward & kisses him because she
wants him to one day love her like he loved Elena. He says that one
day he thinks he will be able to. It's a very tender moment until
Rebecca says she can always tell when Stefan's lying. Uh oh! Then
Klaus comes in & Rebecca tells him something's wrong because
Stefan was asking about Michael the Hunter! Double uh-oh! She says
she can sense that Stefan's not with them. The dramatic music is
back! Triple uh-oh! Then Klaus runs at Stefan & the screen goes
black! I don't think I have enough uh-ohs for this!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">And
now it's time for one of our favourite Deep & Meaningful emo pop
song closing scenes! Yay!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Today's
song starts all instrumental & piano-y & Damon prepares
drinks for himself & recently-resuscitated Alaric who doesn't
want the drinks because Damon's a dick. Cut to the town, where
Caroline is trying to get Elena to admit that she's attracted to
Damon, which she totally is, but she doesn't want to admit it, but by
saying that she pretty much does admit it, & the song's about
feelings building up inside. Then Bill appears across the road &
Caroline goes over to him & he thanks her for saving his life &
she tells him she's going to be okay but he doesn't think so, because
she's a vampire, so she'll never be okay & the song is about not
knowing where you belong. Cut to the Lockwoods' house, where Alaric
is asking the sheriff & the mayor if he can be on the council in
order to look after the Real People of the town & the song says
it's only love & it's only pain. Cut to Mystic Grill where Elena
asks Bonnie for her necklace back & they sit over coffee &
talk about Jeremy's Ghosts of Girlfriends Past... until their
waitress arrives & Elena disappears!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">I
think that means it's time for this week's
post-emo-pop-song-dramatic-montage cliffhanger scene! It's good to
see that some things never change.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Elena
knocks at Damon's door. The eerie music tells us everything is not as
it seems... Damon quickly picks up on that & when Elena laughs &
puts her hand on her hip he realises it's actually Katherine! Because
Elena would never do anything so unladylike as putting a hand on her
hip.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmHh9BngNBBJq9AffaV5qoY4ZJXnMy5q3-wV88X3WAJaNozftxmHXKJPJ5EohNEwfmHN-N2_ZKYmlC14Q3tI5BLuRVV9l8SmRaBhyloOP6STudx9-nTib3slHMdx8Veiih9zx-0fLS0L8V/s1600/Untitled14.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmHh9BngNBBJq9AffaV5qoY4ZJXnMy5q3-wV88X3WAJaNozftxmHXKJPJ5EohNEwfmHN-N2_ZKYmlC14Q3tI5BLuRVV9l8SmRaBhyloOP6STudx9-nTib3slHMdx8Veiih9zx-0fLS0L8V/s400/Untitled14.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">See?
Clearly evil.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Katherine
has come to Damon looking for a Partner in Crime. After all, it's
what Stefan told her to do. Damon agrees to go on a roadtrip &
Katherine holds up Elena's necklace.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Then
we cut to some kind of storeroom where Stefan wakes up to find Klaus
standing over him. Klaus is determined to find out what Stefan's been
hiding so he throws open the rolling garage-type door of what ends up
being a lorry & graciously welcomes Stefan back to Mystic Falls.
Dun dun dunnnn...</span></div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-26129490729754575432011-10-03T11:06:00.000+01:002011-10-10T14:29:11.855+01:00Important Life Lessons & an Overabundance of Flashbacks: The Vampire Diaries 3:3 Recap<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Previously, on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">: <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.com/2011/09/important-life-lessons-every-cliche-in.html">All</a> <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.com/2011/09/important-life-lessons-counting-sighs.html">this stuff</a> happened, & people sighed a lot.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Currently
on </span><i>The Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">,
Damon is drinking, because he's a Bad Boy, & also because that's
how every episode begins. Why isn't he in <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.com/2011/09/important-life-lessons-every-cliche-in.html">a bathtub</a>, you ask?
Well, I don't know, but I think this show needs to deliver us extra
shirtlessness this episode to make up for him being needlessly fully
clothed in this scene.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon's
phone rings. He gives out to the unknown caller for interrupting his
drink, but the caller turns out to be Katherine! She can interrupt
his drink any time! For those of you just joining us this season,
Katherine is Elena's Evil Vampire Doppelgänger who is also both
Damon & Stefan's sire & former lover!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #1: You can always tell the evil doppelgänger from the good
because the evil one's got wavy hair.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
fills Katherine in on everything that's happened & realises that
although he doesn't know where Stefan is right now, Katherine does.
She plays all mysterious with Damon but tells him that since Klaus's
werepire army didn't quite work out as planned, he is now storming
around looking for answers. Damon's not too happy that Katherine
seems to be looking out for his brother.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
asks Katherine where Stefan is & we cut to Chicago, where Stefan
apparently lived during his Ripper days. Somewhere, Rupert Giles is
turning in his... chair? Bed? Is there a version of that idiom for
people who aren't dead? Klaus has brought Stefan here to re-awaken
the beast.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Flashback
time!</div>
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<br /></div>
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Flashback #1: The
scene is sepia-tinted! Jazz music plays! The cars are old-fashioned!
We have arrived in Chicago Of The Past!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Voice-Over
Klaus tells us that it is prohibition, where everything's forbidden &
therefore so much fun. Stefan is in an old-fashioned car<strike> making
out with</strike> killing a moaning girl. He steals the flower from her
hair & puts it in his lapel because he's so smooth. The flashback
pauses for the title scene...</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
...
& we're back in prohibition-era Chicago, where <strike style="font-style: normal;">Angelus</strike> Stefan enters a speakeasy where everybody knows who he is. The pretty
jazz singer knows him! The pretty dancing girls know him! Even the
pretty Mysterious Blond English Flapper who steals his drink knows
him! He doesn't know her, though, hence the "Mysterious."
Not letting that stop her, she kisses him, does that veiny face thing
that means a vampire's getting all turned on by someone's blood in the vicinity, & informs him that he's
still wearing his date. Is this a Vampire Speakeasy?</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">Before
we can find out, the flashback ends & Klaus is reminding Stefan
of how magical Chicago was in the Olden Days but Stefan tells him he doesn't remember
most of it. That's not what the flashbacks suggest... Nostalgic
chitchat over, they get down to business. (Not </span><i>that</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
kind of business, get your mind out of the gutter!)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #2: Vampires are never gay. Neither are witches, or
werewolves, or ghosts. Or humans, for that matter.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Speaking
of witches, we're gonna meet a new one! Klaus says that his Favourite
Witch is the only one who can help them with their werepire problem.
Now, I will bet you a million dollars that this new witch will be the
only African-American character introduced so far this season.
Because</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #3: All African-Americans are witches. All witches are
African-American. This has been true for the last two seasons so I
don't see why it'd change now.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in good old Mystic Falls, emo pop music plays & Elena wakes up to
find Damon lying on her bed. At least he's fully clothed. She's not
too happy about being woken up at 6am to find her boyfriend's brother
in her bed, & you know what, I can totally understand that. Damon
is bright-eyed & bushy-tailed & ready to start the Stefan
hunt. He tells Elena to start packing but instead rifles through her
drawers & pulls out her underwear. Don't you just love that
roguish charm?</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
in a dark & dank dungeon cell - which there seem to be a lot of
in this small town - Caroline calls out to her dad to talk to her. He
comes in, but only after having weakened her with vervain gas from
the air vents. He wants to know why she can walk in sunlight.
Caroline actually believes her clearly evil & even more clearly
lying father when he insists that's all he wants to know & that's
the only reason he's had her chained to a chair in a cell for the
last week, & she shows him her Magical Vampire Sunshine ring.
Which he immediately takes off her. Of course. Then he opens the
dungeon's secret vampire sunroof & watches her scream.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Later
that day, Elena & Damon are on a road trip. Rock music plays,
because you can't have emo music on a road trip. Damon has stolen
Stefan's old diary from 1922 because he's actually eight years
old, but Elena refuses to invade her boyfriend's privacy. Like
that'll last. So Damon, ever helpful, & also a very responsible
driver, decides to read a selection of entries aloud over the
steering wheel. We learn nothing new: Stefan'd black out & wake
up with blood on him, in strange places & with (</span><i>gasp</i><span style="font-style: normal;">)
women he didn't recognise. Elena tells Damon to keep his eyes on the
road (thank you Elena!) & begins to read the diary herself. Again we learn nothing
new other than the fact that Stefan has ugly handwriting. </span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashback
time!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashback #2: In
the speakeasy in the Olden Days, Stefan is drinking, watched by the
Mysterious Blond English Flapper Vampire he sound so intriguing in
his diary. Stefan is being a Bad Boy because he's laughing loudly with his drinking buddies & asking MBEFV if he's
offending her when she comes over to tell him to pipe down. He really does make ever
such a convincing Bad Boy. MBEFV puts him in his place & refuses to
tell him her name until he's earned it. She really should tell him
soon, because MBEFV isn't exactly the prettiest epithet.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">The
sepia scene blurs back to modern colour & Present Day Stefan &
Klaus look around the now-empty bar that used to be a speakeasy,
trying to jog Stefan's memory. But what's this? The bar isn't empty
after all! Someone's here - a woman who recognises Klaus! It's the
pretty jazz singer from 1922! The only African-American character
we've seen all day! She </span><i>must</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
be the witch!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
says: "Gloria's a very powerful witch" & I'm pretty
relieved that I don't owe you all a million dollars. Stefan is sent
behind the bar to fix them all some drinks while Klaus & Gloria
mull over what could've gone wrong with Klaus's werepire spell.
Gloria explains that all spells have loopholes, but with one as old
as the werepire spell, she'd have to get in contact with the witch
who created it. I'm guessing she doesn't mean on the phone. Klaus
confirms this suspicion when he points out that this would be the
Original Witch, who just happens to be Very Dead. Gloria says that
she can probably get a text message or something out to this Very
Dead Original Witch, but only if someone named Rebecca helps her.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
That's
when Stefan finds a photo of himself up on the wall of the bar. It's
black & white, he's wearing a tux & smiling, & his arm is
around... a grinning Klaus! Dun dun dunnnnnn...</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
That's a pretty goofy picture.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Mystic Falls, Caroline's mom (who is also the sheriff, for those
who don't remember) is leaving her daughter a voicemail about meeting
up for lunch. Someone knocks at the door. She turns around & it's
Tyler.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
in the Secret Vampire Dungeon, Caroline is burning & screaming &
pleading with her dad to stop. He finally snaps the sunroof shut &
explains that he's not actually torturing her, he's trying to cure
her. Because that makes sense. He wants her to start associating
vampirism with pain, so every time he holds a baggie of blood up to
her & she does that veiny face thing, she gets burned. I'm pretty
sure this is a metaphor for something but it's early on a Monday morning & I really couldn't be bothered.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
Chicago, Damon & Elena are visiting the apartment Stefan used to
live in. It's kind of a dive, which is something Elena notices &
comments on, but Damon explains that it's right across the road from
what used to be an all-girls school that coincidentally got shut down
for attendance issues. Nice. They break into the apartment, which
looks like it's been empty for some time, but Damon opens the Secret
Pantry Trapdoor (not to be confused with a Secret Panty Trapdoor) &
shows Elena Stefan's hidden alcohol & creepy wall covered with a
very long list of all his victims. Damon admits that he wasn't
exactly a fluffy puppy in the 20s either, but that Stefan "Ripper"
Salvatore was far worse. Then he heads out to find his brother,
leaving Elena in the creepy apartment to "think up a plan."</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Yeah,
that'd be my reaction too.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
also in Chicago, Stefan wants to know why he doesn't remember Klaus,
&, for that matter, why Klaus never mentioned knowing him before
now. Klaus tells Stefan he's far too busy to walk around memory lane
with him right now, & that anyway, Past Klaus & Past Stefan
never got along (that's not what that photo suggests...) but gives us
another flashback anyway. Yay flashbacks!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Flashback #3: Stefan
is <strike>kissing</strike> killing a flapper girl in the neck. Oh my! So is
the Mysterious Blond English Flapper Vampire! Oh </span><i>my</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
oh my! Stefan & MBEFV are sharing a lady! And kissing each other!
What a decadent decade the 1920s was! Stefan stops his smooching to
admire MBEFV's necklace, & I'm gonna take a screenshot of it
right now cause I'm sure it's an Important Plot Point & will come
up again shortly.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKMYYQSqJsBZ9Q3sHwgGB-a8Jgp8jZ6wqdLN7tlbbHVATbHA0EHufvtAu_OayjUISAZDzBVNmKJ8L5jGb7CWqIfS8_8mu9Gezc-zqNGMZosgoMpesonoZ3e0wB0LGuEzllPmV4hhbAkwt4/s1600/Untitled9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKMYYQSqJsBZ9Q3sHwgGB-a8Jgp8jZ6wqdLN7tlbbHVATbHA0EHufvtAu_OayjUISAZDzBVNmKJ8L5jGb7CWqIfS8_8mu9Gezc-zqNGMZosgoMpesonoZ3e0wB0LGuEzllPmV4hhbAkwt4/s400/Untitled9.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I
must be right, because MBEFV tells Stefan a witch gave it to her &
it's supposedly magical.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #4: All jewellery is magical jewellery.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But
what's this? A man has come to tear MBEFV away from Stefan! And he's
calling her Rebecca! And Rebecca says he'll kill Stefan! It's none
other than our favourite Evil English Werepire, Klaus!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Past
Klaus thinks Stefan has funny hair too! I like him already, even if
he does look much handsomer in the 21st century. Klaus is bored &
wants to leave. Rebecca tells him to go without her because she's not
his girlfriend but Klaus reminds her that she's his sister! Uh oh! He
also says that as she's his sister she has to do as he says. I'm
pretty sure that's not how it works.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
sepia fades & we're back in the warehouse (I accidentally typed
werehouse & now I can't stop imagining a pack of nice suburban
bungalows that transform into a block of tenement flats every full
moon) with Present Klaus (who looks so much better than Past Klaus) &
Stefan, who reminds us that as Klaus is an Original Vampire (or was
before he became a werepire), Rebecca is one too.</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Oh!
The werehouse ("Raaar! Tenement flats!") is full of
coffins! I'm having flashbacks to </span><i>The Hunger</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.
</span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCJS3mbehuOY98wiC3j1OkGkDGmvVIVLiXfArL3czjEP83-5phKX50QFRoLb39arEGyVCScOcKW1ph_XMyTU93bdLECjJLTbjMmlC_YlynHwr_VKP6-kx0MLAZJJPIxS7pfHWKtzrjWYIL/s1600/Untitled10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCJS3mbehuOY98wiC3j1OkGkDGmvVIVLiXfArL3czjEP83-5phKX50QFRoLb39arEGyVCScOcKW1ph_XMyTU93bdLECjJLTbjMmlC_YlynHwr_VKP6-kx0MLAZJJPIxS7pfHWKtzrjWYIL/s400/Untitled10.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At least there are no
doves... Klaus opens one of the coffins, & there is our friend
MBEFV, aka Rebecca, looking significantly less beautiful than the
last time we saw her, which may or may not have something to do with
the stake stuck in her heart.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCjple2XiCxd5vHudwOjpkfjgR0VJGWUZIV95eYEf6PKok2L961BUubPWl-77Qim0DuFjX-BK-MgTYLlEm239TNjIs5MH8Gx6JRWh1vs-hqApIt_ED2avyfubgJpBOohdJ0LW9LSxXgmSa/s1600/Untitled11.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCjple2XiCxd5vHudwOjpkfjgR0VJGWUZIV95eYEf6PKok2L961BUubPWl-77Qim0DuFjX-BK-MgTYLlEm239TNjIs5MH8Gx6JRWh1vs-hqApIt_ED2avyfubgJpBOohdJ0LW9LSxXgmSa/s400/Untitled11.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Now, last season we
learned (through Elena's trial & error) that you can kill an
Original Vampire by staking them through the heart with a Special
Magical Dagger, but that if you want the Original Vampire to come
back to life - or rather, un-death - like every other bloody
character who dies in this show, all you need to do is remove the
dagger. Simple as that!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #5: Nobody
ever stays bloody well dead!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus removes the
dagger. Dun dun dunnnnn...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
As it turns out,
however, Rebecca's not too rushed about reviving. I think we've just
about got time for another flashback!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashback #4: Stefan, Rebecca &
Klaus are in a bar, because that's clearly all anybody did in the
20s. Klaus is quizzing Stefan about what makes him worthy of his
Original Vampire sister. What an elitist! A man with a creepy pencil
moustache comes up to their booth wanting to know where his wife is.
We're supposed to think she's one of Stefan's victims, but when he
calls her she comes up the stairs. Pencil-Face Husband turns to leave
but Stefan compels him to sit with them, slits his wife's wrist &
fills a wine glass with her blood. Hey, at least it's not a bottle of
Bud like last episode.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So, about once an
episode (this season, anyway), <i>The Vampire Diaries </i><span style="font-style: normal;">throws
in one genuinely creepy scene amongst all the dramatic emo music.
Today, this is that scene. Stefan sends Pencil-Face's wife off to
bandage her wrist & compels her horrified husband to drink the
whole glass. It's pretty simple, but actually really disturbing. Well
done, </span><i>Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Then,
in a swish of sepia, we're back to present-day Chicago, where Klaus
is leading Stefan back out of the werehouse ("Arroooogh! My
bricks are lengthening!"), stopping only to compel the security
guard to send Rebecca to Gloria's bar when she revives, & offer
himself as a mid-morning snack in the process.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan
still isn't sure he can believe Klaus, who claims Stefan trusted him
with one of his secrets back in the Olden Days. He's willing to prove
this... by taking Stefan to his old apartment. Uh oh!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at Gloria's bar, which isn't empty any more, Damon approaches &
makes small talk with the witch, who clearly remembers him. Gloria
warns Damon that his brother is running with the wrong crowd
(although I hardly think Klaus constitutes as a crowd) & that the
Evil Duo will be back in the bar later that night.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
Stefan's old apartment, Elena is reading his diary. Told you the
respect for his privacy wouldn't last. Again, we learn nothing new:
Stefan's awfully emo; Lexie (his pretty blond vampire best friend who
was killed by Damon last season when Damon was still the resident Bad
Boy) saves him from throwing himself under a train, & soon her
newest project is Getting Stefan To Laugh, which clearly doesn't
stick if it ever went well, & all in all, for an evil vampire in
the 1920s, Stefan's pretty boring. Elena sighs. We're all sighing
here, Elena.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Suddenly,
she hears voices out in the hall! It's the Evil Duo, one half of whom
isn't aware that she's still alive & that that's the reason his
whole werepire army experiment failed! What is she going to do?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
throws the door open! He can feel her presence with his Magical
Werepire Senses! Elena has hidden behind the Secret Pantry Door. She
should've gone with under the bed. She recognises Stefan's voice &
gives the Secret Pantry Door a Very Sad Look. Klaus tells Stefan that
he'd wondered at the time why Stefan'd asked Pencil-Face Husband's
name (Liam Grant, in case you're interested), but after Klaus shared
his secret he understood. Oh dear, Elena, you're really not safe
behind that Secret Pantry Door!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
explains Stefan's victim-name-writing ritual... and throws open the
Secret Pantry Door! He stands aside & Stefan steps in! He moves
forward, excruciatingly slow step by excruciatingly slow step...
Elena cowers close to the wall... Thankfully, Klaus has decided to
explore the rest of the apartment, because Stefan turns the pantry
corner & sees Elena & the romantic piano music should really
give the game away but Klaus remains oblivious to the soundtrack &
Stefan & Elena stare into each other's eyes...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Until
Stefan calls out to Klaus to come see what he's found! Stefan how
could you? But look, it's okay, he's just taking out a bottle of 1918
single malt whiskey! (It's Klaus's favourite.) Stefan closes the
Secret Pantry Door & the Evil Duo go out to find somebody to pair
it with.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Slightly
later, Elena is still in the apartment, holding a syringe of vervain
as protection. Footsteps sound down the corridor... but it's only
Damon. Elena gives out to him for having taken an hour to get back
after she called him to say she was almost discovered by Klaus. He's
feigning indifference but you can tell he really cares because he's
doing that weird eye thing he always does when he's being sincere.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjczig8GqCYGQxqtFmMOtelPJlLRoXxI3XA_7MI3c5F64eayXK72R8RAOPvMxJ9zj5W0ZDamFELCl2gaWdF6B7V_IphTWBuLwBXVwilJuVmgQrj49NCnxRZLB-ErtMSHHeAFDGhtztfiYHe/s1600/Untitled14.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjczig8GqCYGQxqtFmMOtelPJlLRoXxI3XA_7MI3c5F64eayXK72R8RAOPvMxJ9zj5W0ZDamFELCl2gaWdF6B7V_IphTWBuLwBXVwilJuVmgQrj49NCnxRZLB-ErtMSHHeAFDGhtztfiYHe/s400/Untitled14.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in the bar, Rebecca still hasn't showed & Stefan wants to know
why Klaus is so keen to have him as his wingman. Is it because he
tortured innocent people so well? Is it his impeccable taste in
button-down shirts? Is it the hair? Is it that Klaus secretly has the
hots for him? I think we may find out in another flashback!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashback #5: In
the Olden Days, Klaus & Stefan are at a bar, because that's all
that existed in the 20s, drinking shots, which is exactly what they
were doing in the present day, in the same bar! Isn't that clever?
Turns out Klaus is really emo in the Olden Days (also, his name is
Nick, which is so much less cool than Klaus) & he thinks he's a
monster but Stefan persuades him that he's a king. This, Stefan, is
just how Evil EnglishWerepires are created. They bond & clap each other
on the back & talk about Rebecca who apparently doesn't do
anything at half speed. Oo-er.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan
tells Klaus he's a good friend & they toast to their <strike>undying
love</strike> droll camaraderie & we return to the present day where
they look lovingly into each others' eyes & clink shotglasses to
friendship.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn3YtYKQtKMvz2w-JF6CAhv0WSQ6vy87E8aJeF48vD7os6hOBbzvibUq9ON49enhWq8F2jwR3Pb46WdxOOzNs44egoSx2RuqsKmUzTeQNV-jTEuE9TT0SpfR512jmRysSFmoUvzrpf6FJ4/s1600/Untitled15.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn3YtYKQtKMvz2w-JF6CAhv0WSQ6vy87E8aJeF48vD7os6hOBbzvibUq9ON49enhWq8F2jwR3Pb46WdxOOzNs44egoSx2RuqsKmUzTeQNV-jTEuE9TT0SpfR512jmRysSFmoUvzrpf6FJ4/s400/Untitled15.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Meanwhile,
back in Mystic Falls, Caroline is still being Not-Tortured by her
charming father. He says he cried when he heard she was a vampire but
she insists she's learned to adapt & doesn't need to be fixed. It
always makes me really uncomfortable when these kinds of
homosexuality/vampire comparisons are made (see also </span><i>True
Blood</i><span style="font-style: normal;">). I mean, the analogy
works fine (if unsubtly) in </span><i>X Men </i><span style="font-style: normal;">where
mutants are just ordinary-but-considered-different kids, but when it
comes to vampires who by nature murder people, the comparison becomes
a good bit more problematic.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Anyway,
Caroline still goes all veiny at the blood baggies & we learn
that her dad is actually pretty sympathetic because he's only
torturing her so he won't have to kill her. Isn't that nice?
Caroline's mom doesn't think so, because she suddenly appears behind
Caroline's dad when he leaves the dungeon, & points a gun to his
head.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Bill
entreats the Caroline's mom to let him continue torturing their
daughter, because they love her, but thankfully she's got some sense
because she calls Tyler in to break Caroline out & rescue her.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the bar in Chicago, Stefan wants to know how he & Klaus were
once so pally when he only remembers him as the werepire jerk (only
he uses the word "dick" because he's badass; I'm not
badass, so I have to settle for "jerk") who sacrificed his
girlfriend to break some stupid curse.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashback
time again! </div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashback #6: This time it's a literal flash (I see what you did
there...) because someone's taking a picture!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Those
old cameras look so cool. Anyway, Stefan & Rebecca are dancing &
I seriously covet her dress.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjddrLax4Ic9p0xmV4gCyPnrgU5RDZEBvAQlXCcA5_-1P04eUS9KMex6Vqt62dIL7exQYcx-PqSvbjMRUz1iOwSmy5gZpI3ZLBLLsnD6IN3xFGioklo7VFaxU9XTN8xHMSZwA0ZHkcB8TkW/s1600/Untitled17.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjddrLax4Ic9p0xmV4gCyPnrgU5RDZEBvAQlXCcA5_-1P04eUS9KMex6Vqt62dIL7exQYcx-PqSvbjMRUz1iOwSmy5gZpI3ZLBLLsnD6IN3xFGioklo7VFaxU9XTN8xHMSZwA0ZHkcB8TkW/s400/Untitled17.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
looks on broodingly until he notices the dramatic screeching music
that's beginning to scream. He was a lot more attune to the
soundtrack in the 20s. The music is heralding the police! They're
shooting the whole place up! Bullets fly! Gin bottles shatter! People
scream! Stefan & Rebecca hide behind the bar & notice that
they're using wooden bullets! Rebecca gasps: that means He's here! He
who?
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
downs his drink & marches towards the couple. He pulls Rebecca
away but, Cinderella-like, she loses her necklace! Klaus comes back,
looks Stefan in the eye & compels him to forget all about him &
Rebecca until he tells him otherwise. That's not a very nice thing to
do to your bro, Klaus. Stefan looks vaguely dazed & walks away.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in the present day, Stefan figures that Klaus &
his sister wouldn't need to cover their tracks unless they were
running from someone...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
Damon has arrived. He beckons Stefan into the parking lot where
Stefan gives out to him for having brought Elena, who is the Key To
Everything, to within Klaus's reach. Again. He warns Damon to tell
Elena to go home & forget about him. Again. But Elena's standing
right behind him so he can tell her himself.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
joins Klaus at the bar & they banter a bit before Klaus grabs
Damon by the throat. Outside, Elena hugs Stefan & asks him to
come home & it's all very sweet until she tries to stab him in
the back with the vervain syringe from earlier & he grabs her arm
before she can & growls at her that he doesn't want to go home.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
inside, Klaus is playing pin-the-cocktail-umbrella-on-the-vampire &
Damon's trying to convince him to take him on as his wingman instead
of Stefan. Klaus is having none of it, & tries to stake Damon but
Gloria sets the stake on fire with her magic witchy powers because
she disapproves of murder in her bar.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the parking lot, Stefan & Elena & the increasingly dramatic
music are having a Moment. Stefan explains that he has left a string
of bodies from Florida to Tennessee (which sounds like it could be
the name of a Country & Western song) & that Elena can't save
him the way Lexie did in the 20s because it took him thirty years to
get himself together & that's half Elena's life. The music builds
& builds & he totally pulls an Edward-in-New-Moon on her &
says he doesn't want to be with her any more & that part of his
life is over & he doesn't love her so there.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #6: Girls never, ever see through the whole "pretending I
don't love you to protect you" act. Ever.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Dramatic
Music is Dramatic.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
A
little later on, in the car, Elena is fingering the necklace Stefan
gave her in Season 1, which looks surprisingly familiar... She is
Very Very sad & doesn't want to talk about it so Damon just
drives them home. There'll be no roadtrip rock music this time
around.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
now it's time for another Deep & Meaningful emo pop song closing
scene!
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This
week's Sad Song is even sadder than usual, & seems to be about
sheltering & hiding away & Caroline's mom gives her a baggie
of blood & tucks her into bed & tells her that her dad will
come around. Tyler comes in & gets into bed with her &
Caroline cries because her dad hates her & the song is about
making things better. Cut to the werehouse ("Raaaargh! I'm
really craving some staircases right now!") where Klaus
approaches his sister's coffin to find it empty, with the bloody
corpse of the security guard beside it, & the sad song switches
to Scary String-section Music & Rebecca appears in front of
Klaus, stabs him with the Special Magical Dagger & tells him to
go to hell.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We
interrupt our regularly scheduled Deep & Meaningful Emo Pop
Closing Scene to bring you a flashback! </div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashback #7: This time, the flash is those
old-fashioned headlights you get on old-fashioned cars. Rebecca is
outside the bar, waiting for Stefan. The Werepire Formerly Known as
Nick tells her that he'd have gotten them caught & to forget him
but Rebecca doesn't want to run any more because she's in love.
NickKlaus (ohhh, I get it, like Nicholas! Nick, Klaus, it's actually
the same name! I'm so smart) tells her to choose between him &
Stefan & she chooses Stefan but Klaus doesn't like that too much
so he stabs her with the Special Magical Dagger.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in the present, we quickly discover that the Special Magical Dagger
doesn't work on werepires. Because that would just be too easy. Klaus
gets that Rebecca might be a tad ticked off at having been shut up in
a coffin for almost a century, so he brings Stefan in & compels
him to remember her again. Flashback montage ensues! (I think a Flashback Montage counts as two flashbacks, but we'll just call it Flashback #8.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan
now remembers that he & Klaus are friends, & Klaus tells
Rebecca the real reason they're all together again: Gloria says
Rebecca has something she needs to contact the Original Witch.
Rebecca reaches to her throat... but her necklace isn't there! Uh oh,
we know who has it!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Mystic Falls, Damon is drinking, again, while on the phone to
Katherine, again. He tries to guess where she's calling from (Spain
is his hunch) but she won't tell him.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
What's
this? Another flashback? Don't you think we've had enough flashbacks
for one episode? </div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Flashback #9: (Seriously? Nine?) We're back at the bar, & the Chicago PD are
cleaning the mess up, because they didn't have cleaning staff back in
those days. Or maybe they killed them all. Anyway. The necklace is
still on the ground where it fell & a woman's heels clack into
the frame, &, unsurprisingly, it's Katherine. Only she's wearing
her hair in a bob, which is pretty surprising, & kinda cute.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN1CAkMS4UJwOR2zoxfJnAAeW-YUkUz5MX39LXKzBrS2wlwag2EYMtnbXleXxXEbDT4gFGlDdVIOLZpEN1IdNGyVj7wfnmCmEQKOi6u1URXRUNQCxQWk_8Sl6liXe0H24fCZlFGZma_QIG/s1600/Untitled18.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN1CAkMS4UJwOR2zoxfJnAAeW-YUkUz5MX39LXKzBrS2wlwag2EYMtnbXleXxXEbDT4gFGlDdVIOLZpEN1IdNGyVj7wfnmCmEQKOi6u1URXRUNQCxQWk_8Sl6liXe0H24fCZlFGZma_QIG/s400/Untitled18.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
She
watches Stefan pick up the necklace & a man purporting to be from
the Chicago PD holds up a picture of Klaus & Rebecca & asks
does Stefan recognise them. At least he can say honestly that he
doesn't. Stefan pockets the necklace & Katherine retreats into
the shadows.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in the present day, wavy-haired Katherine walks out of the phonebooth
& into the streets of Chicago.</div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-46400392820104977872011-09-29T18:00:00.002+01:002011-09-29T18:04:56.254+01:00Banned Books WeekIt's Banned Books Week
this week, so here's a nifty little overview of <a href="http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/0924bannedbooks.swf">the top 10 challenged books in 2010</a> & a list of <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/banned-books-you-read-as-a-child">seventeen banned books you probably read as a child</a> & the
reasons why they were banned. Here are a few excerpts:<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Twilight
series by Stephenie Meyer<b> </b>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Challenged for:
Inappropriate themes, explicit sexuality and offensive language.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>(I'm sorry, explicit
sexuality? Offensive language? Have they *read* this book?)</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Position on American
Library Association List Of Banned Books 2010: #10</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
His
Dark Materials series by Philip Pullman</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Challenged for:
Anti-religious/Christian propaganda; main characters drink and imbibe
drugs (poppy).
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Position on American
Library Association List Of Banned Books 2000-2009: #8
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
Hunger Games series by Susanne Collins</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Challenged for: Being
inappropriate for age group; desensitising children to murder;
encouraged violence as entertainment; drug use.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Position on American
Library Association List Of Banned Books 2010: #5
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Harry
Potter series by JK Rowling</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Challenged for:
Promoting witchcraft; main character has no moral story arc.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>("Promoting
witchcraft"? I think "Characters engage in the unsafe
practice of flying brooms without helmets" would be more
appropriate.)</i></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Position on American
Library Association List Of Banned Books 2000-2009: #1</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I think it's really
interesting that so many of the <a href="http://www.ala.org/ala/issuesadvocacy/banned/frequentlychallenged/challengedbydecade/2000_2009/index.cfm">top 100 most challenged books in the last decade</a> are young
adult texts. It's like the <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.com/2011/06/actual-writing-now-with-50-more.html">Wall Street Journal article that caused such a ruckus a few months ago</a>
because it claimed that all young adult fiction was dark &
damaging to teenage readers. If parents really think that if their
children don't read about Bad Things then Bad Things won't happen to
them, then they've clearly forgotten what it was like to be a child.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Reading about Bad
Things doesn't make Bad Things happen, & nor does it make young
people do Bad Things. I mean, I clearly grew up as an entirely
disreputable, profane, sexually promiscuous
satanic witchy wizard with acute religious uncertainty who is
disrespectful to adults, sunbathes with her breasts partially exposed
& who can't tell fantasy from reality, so you shouldn't take me
as an example. Also I have no moral story arc & death is central
to my plot. Hmm... Maybe the book banners have a point.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I can laugh about this
because I was always encouraged to read anything I could get my hands
on, & was quite heartened to discover that a good chunk of the <a href="http://www.ala.org/ala/issuesadvocacy/banned/frequentlychallenged/challengedclassics/index.cfm">list of banned literary classics</a> I've read I studied in
secondary school. But I know that other people aren't so lucky, &
a lot of young readers are being denied certain books because the
adults around them feel they're inappropriate, which I think is a
great pity. I mean, I think the world could use a few more
rebellious, disrespectful witches & wizards who don't wear
helmets when playing Quidditch, but maybe that's just me.</div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-10694756326173312122011-09-26T15:10:00.000+01:002011-09-26T15:11:28.689+01:00Important Life Lessons & Counting Sighs: The Vampire Diaries 3:2 Recap<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt-tMlVqekUqq0JMtT9N9e3Nvs_MKr_T9DPzTy3i7AwiYiXASxQDsWqSQLetytY30kHsLoDr-hTtwjcKSnmPW8TnBctGY7nsfIduFGC8kig4zc_MspOkMIrM1A-sQ_CAPjWa-G-h0EB54n/s1600/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt-tMlVqekUqq0JMtT9N9e3Nvs_MKr_T9DPzTy3i7AwiYiXASxQDsWqSQLetytY30kHsLoDr-hTtwjcKSnmPW8TnBctGY7nsfIduFGC8kig4zc_MspOkMIrM1A-sQ_CAPjWa-G-h0EB54n/s400/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Previously on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">: <a href="http://bracketsandampersands.blogspot.com/2011/09/important-life-lessons-every-cliche-in.html">all this
stuff</a> happened, & dramatic music played.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Once
upon a time in Mystic Falls...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
puts pins in a map taped up on his wall as the news plays in the
background, reminding us that his fake compelled girlfriend has been
murdered. Although the news thinks it's either an accident or a
suicide.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #1: Small vampire-infested towns are always oblivious to said
vampire infestation. I mean, a couple students died in Sunnydale
every day, & people's throats are getting ripped out all over
Mystic Falls but no one seems to notice.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
has noticed, amazingly, & has put two & two together, &
visits Damon because he's been dodging her calls. She wishes he'd
told her about his dead fake compelled girlfriend but he says he
didn't want to say anything because it was Elena's birthday. Which
was so very happy anyway. Thank you, Damon!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
tells Damon that Stefan called her last night & that she got the
sheriff to trace the call to Tennessee but Damon insists that Stefan
is gone now "& not just geographically." He's doing
that weird eye thing, so you know he means it.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Later
that morning, somewhere that is not Elena's couch, Alaric is sleeping
strategically shirtless. (You know, the kind of shirtless that
doesn't have the covers pulled up, the kind that looks like he went
to bed in his clothes but not his shirt). Also the button of his
trousers isn't done up. Fangirls swoon.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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<br />
(I have no idea what happened to Alaric's head in this screencap, but I'm just going to leave it as it is if that's okay.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
is making the rounds this morning. She wants to know what Alaric
knows about Stefan & Tennessee, because she Has Faith, not like
Damon, & believes that Tortured Soul Stefan still exists inside
Bad Boy Stefan's vertical-hair-topped body. Alaric plays the mentor
card & tells Elena to stay out of it because it's not safe for
her. He says Stefan's Off the Rails which just makes me think of a
vampire-themed makeover show.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(That's
a very Irish reference, sorry.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
knows that Stefan would never give up on her, so she's never going to
give up on him & I think we should start counting how many times
Alaric sighs heavily every episode. So far, he's sighed twice.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Alaric
sighs heavily (Sigh Count: 3) & finally tells Elena what she
wants to know.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">We
then rejoin Stefan & Klaus in the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee
where Klaus is teasing Stefan about his brooding (thank you, Klaus!)
& the whole scene looks like something out of </span><i>Brokeback
Mountain</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> except that Stefan is
carrying a dead werewolf across his shoulders. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The
evil duo bicker good-naturedly for another few minutes before coming
across the werewolf pack they've been looking for. A werewolf pack
looks kind of like a very civilised music festival.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
They
drop the dead werewolf's body in the middle of the camp ground &
About To Be An Important Character werewolf girl (you can tell she's
about to become an important character because she's pretty & she
looks like a cross between Elena & Anna, who was Jeremy's dead
vampire girlfriend last season) crouches over his body & asks the
evil duo to explain themselves.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Dramatic
music plays. Klaus says: "My name is Klaus" & the music
gets even more dramatic. I wish that happened whenever I introduced
myself. About To Be An Important Character werewolf girl gasps
because Klaus is The Hybrid (you know, like the title of the
episode?) & the werewolves have heard of The Hybrid. Dun dun
dunnnnnn...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Mystic Falls, Tyler's mom is pouring herself a brandy &
picking up one of the darts she used to shoot Caroline. (Shouldn't
she already have gotten rid of the evidence?) She pours the contents
of the dart into the coffee pot as Tyler bounds downstairs in happy
morning-after-sex oblivion. She watches carefully as Tyler pours
himself some coffee & tells him that Caroline sneaked out "like
a prostitute" that morning. Tyler is a little surprised but not
too put out by the fact that his vampire girlfriend allegedly sneaked
out. Mostly he doesn't seem to mind that his mom knows he had a girl
over, & minds even less that she's comparing said girl to a
prostitute.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Is
this the kind of look </span><i>you'd</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
give your mother in this situation?</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Anyway.
Tyler takes a large gulp of coffee, makes a face, & tells his mom
the grain must be bad. His mom heaves an audible sigh of relief. Then
Tyler leaves, informing his mother that Caroline is not a prostitute.
Which is sort of like standing up for her.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
When
he's gone, Tyler's mom phones someone called Bill, & tells him
she's gotten herself into a bit of a vampire situation.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We
now go to Mystic Grill, the only eatery in town, where Matt ups the
topless male count this episode to two. Only two? I suppose we're
only seven minutes in.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Life
Lesson #2: American boys are all thin, white & ridiculously
muscled. It must be true if it's in </span><i>The Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Jeremy
wants to talk to Matt about the conversation they had last night, but
Matt says the whole night was kind of a blur. Remember, they were
going wild & smoked a joint! Then they had a heart-to-heart while
giggling & eating ice-cream, because, remember, wild! He wants to
talk to Matt about it & not his Good Witch Girlfriend Bonnie
because he's worried what she mightn't like to know that since she
brought him back from the dead he's been seeing the ghosts of his
dead vampire ex-girlfriends. Which is kind of understandable.</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Jeremy
has Googled ghosts & shows Matt a pristine manilla folder of
printed out information, because teenage boys totally do that in real
life. He wants to make contact with Vicky's ghost.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZN3B5My9AiXpGyqb7HJmm9NOks8qForthYTCz8wqNuC_JvJxeCtMGw8J9sGhT6kvQ3KXcefoWsD3cyQ0FycrJDmJm47MZJ3zyFM0je5-8YMZMAlMtUJotKtndYvmPEiAJyvdTgPArzCSU/s1600/Untitled7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZN3B5My9AiXpGyqb7HJmm9NOks8qForthYTCz8wqNuC_JvJxeCtMGw8J9sGhT6kvQ3KXcefoWsD3cyQ0FycrJDmJm47MZJ3zyFM0je5-8YMZMAlMtUJotKtndYvmPEiAJyvdTgPArzCSU/s400/Untitled7.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Matt
is reluctant at first, & thinks that Jeremy is messing with him,
but they call each other "man" a few times & Matt comes
around.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile,
detective Elena is continuing her rounds. Now, she's quizzing Tyler
about werewolf behaviour. Tyler explains that when it's his time of
the month, he chains himself up in his basement (kinky!) but says
that not all werewolves are into bondage, & they prefer to roam
wild & free in deserts or state parks or mountains like the Smoky
Mountains in Tennessee, for example, which he shows Elena on Google
Maps on her iPhone.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #3: Werewolves these days are so tech-savvy.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">At
the other end of the bar, Alaric is drinking coffee. (Hold on a
second, you mean they're not at Mystic Grill? You mean there's
</span><i>another</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> place to hang
out in Mystic Falls? It's a veritable metropolis now!) Elena comes
over to him & proposes they go on a hike. Alaric can't believe
that she wants to go chasing after a pack of werewolves on the full
moon. Elena insists that they'll be well out of the Smoky Mountains
by the time the moon is full, which of course they totally will...</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #4: When you're chasing werewolves, there'll always be a full
moon. And no, you won't get out of the mountains before it rises.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Alaric
sighs (Sigh Count: 4). This time, I don't blame him.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg66uVJyo54jJ0sM-VG6KkJ1x1RtRrP5MKhOVVV1zCW9QltIFOfk87vXAynTz5MchcAdgnr2UsT8xyJ_KRK7INYB2dduohkJmWZ8PjxPE81qh-kbTUfzeypZcd2BQyNTWkjegValX4CiqHS/s1600/Untitled8.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg66uVJyo54jJ0sM-VG6KkJ1x1RtRrP5MKhOVVV1zCW9QltIFOfk87vXAynTz5MchcAdgnr2UsT8xyJ_KRK7INYB2dduohkJmWZ8PjxPE81qh-kbTUfzeypZcd2BQyNTWkjegValX4CiqHS/s400/Untitled8.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in the <strike>Brokeback</strike> Smoky Mountains, Dead Flannel Werewolf has dramatically come
back to life! Stefan faces the <strike>festival-goers</strike>
werewolf pack & asks if any of them are human.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #5 Never admit to being human.</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpgdf_33vR3FQNWA8aVASK5tCSXzo3_4gWdbYe3wFKLCQw7xZJV5cj3UAjG4njE0owMCfCZTxOpqZRaIR3SMRMrJTThJqTOkKil6r-wdLFbW2ESsTfXDFbml7XPYJP3MDQZfyJOGkUf5xW/s1600/Untitled9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpgdf_33vR3FQNWA8aVASK5tCSXzo3_4gWdbYe3wFKLCQw7xZJV5cj3UAjG4njE0owMCfCZTxOpqZRaIR3SMRMrJTThJqTOkKil6r-wdLFbW2ESsTfXDFbml7XPYJP3MDQZfyJOGkUf5xW/s400/Untitled9.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus tells <span style="font-style: normal;">About
To Be An Important Character werewolf girl that her options are a)
join him, or b) die, & she says she'd rather b) than be a
vampire.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #6: Never say you'd rather die than do something. It'll always
end badly.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
this case, it ends with Klaus forcing her to drink his blood &
then killing her & telling the other werewolves that she'll thank
him for that later. Cause that's just the kind of swell fella Klaus
is.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtwyEUXPlH-yzSdFwMAnMmA2oKP17WToIklHlTF-kQV-HaJw5jxLl_pZn_Rz3Tn_b7fNddZHQyMuuQDBtfL9NXSMq9luLSpM9Q_COsPOY9bvgAD2kcYBDzXpD81xQulRWAFx9wUcymiHm-/s1600/Untitled10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtwyEUXPlH-yzSdFwMAnMmA2oKP17WToIklHlTF-kQV-HaJw5jxLl_pZn_Rz3Tn_b7fNddZHQyMuuQDBtfL9NXSMq9luLSpM9Q_COsPOY9bvgAD2kcYBDzXpD81xQulRWAFx9wUcymiHm-/s400/Untitled10.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in our favourite eatery, Tyler is playing pool & Matt is serving
him coffee. Tyler is a little concerned because he hasn't heard from
Caroline all day, but Matt doesn't want to talk to him because
Caroline's his ex & he doesn't like that she & Tyler are
friends. Good thing he doesn't know about the horny vampire-werewolf
sexual relations. Still, Matt is a Nice Guy & remembers that
tonight is the full moon -</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #7: Everyone in America automatically knows when it's the full
moon.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
- &
that Caroline usually helps Tyler with his furry little problem on a
full moon. Matt awkwardly offers to help Tyler himself but Tyler's a
big werewolf now & says he can handle it. He also says the coffee
tastes horrible & Matt explains that the sheriff makes him slip
vervain into all the drinks every now & again. Tyler is shocked
to discover that this is what vervain tastes like. He's realised that
his mother put vervain in his coffee this morning!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We cut straight back to
Tyler's house where his mom is entertaining the mysterious Bill. She
pours herself another brandy & explains that she doesn't want to
get her hands dirty but Bill reminds her that Caroline is a vampire
now & Tyler's mom has gotta do what she's gotta do.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back in the <strike>Big Rocky Candy</strike> Smoky
Mountains we discover that Alaric & Elena made it to Tennessee in
record time, because America is a tiny place. We also discover that
Alaric is a boy scout turned vampire hunter turned whiskey-drinking
Lost Cause. (Sigh Count: 4) If he weren't so emo, Alaric'd be pretty awesome. I mean,
check out his Slayers Backpack:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_VzcVeebS7DORNDd2rMMb4qIkQsEgf74eIrSCWi6xMdPtzwkDtiXXljiobsCMIQEHV9yTC-AT8CssZRFIQsV5sX1moL9h9qVXPcNYfj5F0rpTk1DprNDD5y30obs4DWJeYn5Uwx_hx6MI/s1600/Untitled11.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_VzcVeebS7DORNDd2rMMb4qIkQsEgf74eIrSCWi6xMdPtzwkDtiXXljiobsCMIQEHV9yTC-AT8CssZRFIQsV5sX1moL9h9qVXPcNYfj5F0rpTk1DprNDD5y30obs4DWJeYn5Uwx_hx6MI/s400/Untitled11.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Alaric gives Elena a
wolfsbane grenade & Elena gives Alaric her dead biological
father's ring (Sigh Count: 5) that used to belong to Alaric too somehow, & that
will protect him from anything supernatural. I'm sorry, but magical
Supernatural Protection Rings are just a cop-out. Also, they're ugly.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsNvoOW0bg8_ufGjhM0Lx6JWYQg2JI1q1_5pPTIGusw6SarhBH4aL01NDLneYXaF4kU9iZ_QpO3NcQbiumleBawpludb0f7of2uPHLhRaq807kQpWN3sYQYIst3LfoSx4FspzOtGsBzMco/s1600/Untitled12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsNvoOW0bg8_ufGjhM0Lx6JWYQg2JI1q1_5pPTIGusw6SarhBH4aL01NDLneYXaF4kU9iZ_QpO3NcQbiumleBawpludb0f7of2uPHLhRaq807kQpWN3sYQYIst3LfoSx4FspzOtGsBzMco/s400/Untitled12.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We also learn that
Supernatural Protection Rings don't work on Elena because she's a doppelgänger (long story, one that'll probably come up again at a
later date but I don't think we need to worry about it for this
episode) which is also a cop-out.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Then, suddenly, Damon
appears & throws Elena into the lake. Like a boss.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Good thing she was
already changed into her bathing suit. (Why was she wearing a bathing suit to chase down some werewolves? We may never know.) Elena is Very Angry that
Alaric sold her out to Damon but Alaric thinks she was crazy to
believe he'd take her into a mountain range to chase werewolves on a
full moon without backup. Also, he & Damon are now bros.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, Klaus &
Too-Cool-For-School Stefan have infected & killed all the
werewolves so that they can come back to life as hybrids. The hapless
human they identified earlier is still alive - just about - but won't
be when all the werewolf-vampire hybrids (Vampolfs? Werepires?) wake
up craving blood. Every time one of them drains him Klaus uses his
magical blood to bring the human back to life to be drained by the
next werepire. Which is actually pretty creepy, well done again
<i>Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus
& Stefan chat about Klaus's Master Plan to create an army of
werepire soldiers while Flannel Werepire completes his
transformation. But look, something's wrong! Flannel Werepire is
bleeding from his eyes! This wasn't part of the plan!</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #8: That's <i>never</i> part of the plan.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at the other side of the forest, Elena is refusing to get out of the
water because she knows when she does Damon will make her go home.
Because Damon loves treating women like they're children. Instead,
Damon wades into the water with her & tells her that she's being
stupid because Klaus thinks she died when the curse was broken last
season so just walking up to him in the middle of the mountains might
be a tad unwise. Elena doesn't care - she hasn't been this close to
Stefan since he left & she's not leaving without him. Damon is
swayed by Elena's wet hair & bathing-suited proximity &
agrees to find to Stefan before the full moon comes up. Because
that's totally how it's going to happen.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At
the werewolf camp, Flannel Werepire is still crying blood & the
other hybrids are beginning to wake up. Suddenly, Flannel Werepire
jumps up & runs away through the trees! He parcours over rocks!
He bounds between trees! He turns somersaults! He's a veritable
circus act! Stefan runs after him & tackles him to the ground,
but Flannel Werepire bites his arm! Remember, werewolf bites are
fatal to vampires! Exclamation marks!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan's
about to run after him when his Super-Sensitive Vampire Ears pick up
the sweet sweet sound of Damon & Elena bickering. He sees them
across the hill through the trees & looks particularly tortured
for a while until Klaus comes up behind him & he rapidly switches
back to regularly tortured.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvxTApnVpP_O5ry_8FJuaiPp6F10c8p_pJXWHxLZ1uWiyt2yBZbb97zZQCCCEI0NLbuGIGvayCXqwgxUN6_N0arr8-dX7kHjE8ACo2HtgbHs85G_J3YnwAd89Abt_gh4s2tx-XAWSVyniR/s1600/Untitled15.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvxTApnVpP_O5ry_8FJuaiPp6F10c8p_pJXWHxLZ1uWiyt2yBZbb97zZQCCCEI0NLbuGIGvayCXqwgxUN6_N0arr8-dX7kHjE8ACo2HtgbHs85G_J3YnwAd89Abt_gh4s2tx-XAWSVyniR/s400/Untitled15.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Stefan
quickly leads Klaus away from the hillside & tells him Flannel
Werepire got away. But Klaus says he won't heal Stefan's werewolf
bite with his Magic Hybrid Blood until Stefan finds the werepire &
brings him back. In the camp, all the new werepires are now crying
blood. See Life Lesson #8.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Mystic Falls, Tyler confronts his mom about the vervain-laced
coffee. She admits she knows that Carloline's a vampire but won't
tell Tyler where she is. She tells him he can't be with Caroline
because she's a monster but she doesn't know that Tyler is a monster
too!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile
in the <strike>Forbidden</strike> Smoky Mountains, the sun is about to set & our
vampire-hunting trio are still in the forest, because of course. A
figure emerges from between the trees, & it's Flannel Werepire,
because of course. He attacks Damon, because of course. Elena throws
Damon the wolfsbane grenade & Damon wolfsbanes Flannel Werepire's
face off. Poor Flannel Werepire, he didn't ask for any of this.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Back
in Mystic Falls, Matt is showing Jeremy Vicky's old stuff in his
attic. They're looking for personal items to communicate with Vicky's
ghost. Matt finds a picture of him & Vicky as kids & gets
upset & bails on Jeremy's ghosthunt & asks him to leave.
Jeremy shuts the door behind him & the attic gets real dark. You
can tell the ghosts are coming because of the eerie music, & the
fact that the photo Matt put face-down on a chest is now standing up
again. That's generally a dead giveaway. (Gettit, </span><i>dead</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
giveaway? I'll go stand over here now.)</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the mountains, the trio have tied poor Flannel Werepire to a tree.
They've used all their vervain on the ropes, which is definitely not
going to come back to haunt them. Suddenly, Flannel Werepire begins
to change! But it's still daylight! The ropes will never hold the
wolf! Elena finally sees sense & says that they need to get out
of these mountains - now!
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZUHK839Pne5MoRDvbiWYflmWF9KW9Yt1cz-_5OtWoR2ru23yurm0baKmIPHZFAUu2Ca-Hysx-KeUnJLvA93BQ102xPKB7SPev8pP-DyooCczMHBrdh2o2uyGFJEvn-M4aIgjF752STj6w/s1600/Untitled16.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZUHK839Pne5MoRDvbiWYflmWF9KW9Yt1cz-_5OtWoR2ru23yurm0baKmIPHZFAUu2Ca-Hysx-KeUnJLvA93BQ102xPKB7SPev8pP-DyooCczMHBrdh2o2uyGFJEvn-M4aIgjF752STj6w/s400/Untitled16.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
at Base Camp Werepire, the new hybrids are all looking a lot like
zombies. Nearby, the vampire hunting trio are finally running away,
but Elena trips & falls.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Life
Lesson #9: When running away, girls </span><i>always</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
trip & fall.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
yells at her not to move; she looks up & there's a CGI wolf right
in front of her face! Don't you just hate it when that happens?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieX5XDNS5j5VMZ6yHDJq5AGKi5VB3eF2ZO3Iqgo_uWbrRWFtlh1KcvV89GRzmcszny9N9qCqODzssPWbstzXbA8MDqFm6KeQ34iAXKM2MbZcwDUAKLR-O7PslRgdCywiWwxskrucy6QDqm/s1600/Untitled17.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieX5XDNS5j5VMZ6yHDJq5AGKi5VB3eF2ZO3Iqgo_uWbrRWFtlh1KcvV89GRzmcszny9N9qCqODzssPWbstzXbA8MDqFm6KeQ34iAXKM2MbZcwDUAKLR-O7PslRgdCywiWwxskrucy6QDqm/s400/Untitled17.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
calls the doggie's attention & runs away as fast as his
super-fast vampire legs can carry him, to lure the wolf away from
Elena. Unfortunately, now that means that Elena & Alaric are down
a vampire. Elena wants to go back & help Damon but Alaric yells
at her & they wisely continue their running away. Chekov's Moon
rises.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsMICfwjKMtpOYL8zQpwfJ55Cy_CyEWAMv2Rd3t7iSYV43ywUSaRk7ahYgztLXJIi9MLs2qqFxPtjdB1iFPaVo9g8nM4dDj8SwAxRV6IA7lNEVK6yeheytLOzASC5ifvxDlCVUUhfZjXFM/s1600/Untitled18.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsMICfwjKMtpOYL8zQpwfJ55Cy_CyEWAMv2Rd3t7iSYV43ywUSaRk7ahYgztLXJIi9MLs2qqFxPtjdB1iFPaVo9g8nM4dDj8SwAxRV6IA7lNEVK6yeheytLOzASC5ifvxDlCVUUhfZjXFM/s400/Untitled18.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Mystic Falls, Tyler is bringing his mom down into his kinky
werewolf bondage dungeon. As you do. He locks her in a cage (for her
own protection, of course) & he ties himself up just in time to
start changing & show his mom what kind of monster he really is.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEnF0i5X79YgO6vimnTZuy2jFoezV5aFIuR4g2lHQUku_8nnC_LE1jV4xnfmoigbzJSyxink9iUNgMgfTSHzXR-Muf1mnss2bzNDMoSMUmanM8cj_h4htUmztWpEidByBCTocr1pDiUmqG/s1600/Untitled19.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEnF0i5X79YgO6vimnTZuy2jFoezV5aFIuR4g2lHQUku_8nnC_LE1jV4xnfmoigbzJSyxink9iUNgMgfTSHzXR-Muf1mnss2bzNDMoSMUmanM8cj_h4htUmztWpEidByBCTocr1pDiUmqG/s400/Untitled19.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
the <strike>Misty</strike> Smoky Mountains, Damon is
fighting with Flannel Werepire & trying very hard not to get
bitten. Just as the werepire is about to sink his teeth into Damon's
neck, Stefan appears! He clobbers the werepire on the back of the
head with a rock - how would that even work? - oh, no, that's not a
rock, & he didn't clobber him & that wasn't the back of his
head. He totally just ripped his heart out with his bare hands. Nice.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip6oE3XOBVjtVbW_Ucm04jTqiggphG2J4deNnn-BBsCSNW5-9Bnv5R4Xp3ytiHxxk8G5d7S-qvfT0Eq8u4atOkuJiEYnHW85HEeCJAfSI7RXlECDM63lwaYzBI-UYChJYK6Ep9sX0BZkO1/s1600/Untitled20.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip6oE3XOBVjtVbW_Ucm04jTqiggphG2J4deNnn-BBsCSNW5-9Bnv5R4Xp3ytiHxxk8G5d7S-qvfT0Eq8u4atOkuJiEYnHW85HEeCJAfSI7RXlECDM63lwaYzBI-UYChJYK6Ep9sX0BZkO1/s400/Untitled20.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Okay, I have to admit this is pretty cool.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Damon
calmly says "fancy meeting you here" by way of thanks &
Stefan gives out to him for continuing to follow him. Damon tells him
that if he doesn't want to be followed she should stop crank-calling
his girlfriend in the middle of the night. Fair enough, Damon. Stefan
says that Elena needs to forget about him because he's never coming
home (yeah, right) & charges Damon with keeping Elena there.
Because there's nothing like conspiring with your brother to watch
over the woman you love's every move.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Said
woman is currently waiting in a car with Alaric, voicing her
frustration at having to wait in a car. Also, is a parked car really
the safest place to wait? Can't hybrid werepires break through steel?
Ignoring this, Elena & Alaric have a heart to heart about Being
Lost & not having a family & needing to stick together. Yawn. (Sigh Count: I'm not gonna lie, I lost count after 5.) Finally Damon reappears & manhandles Elena back into the car when
she comes out to make sure he's okay. Stefan watches from the top of
the hill with a vaguely tortured expression. Stefan's expressions
range from vaguely tortured to especially tortured but don't seem to
stray from the tortured spectrum.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghUr6uHFLtHZW1G1W9V_3XrPM7CUH2KmSHrMjVXnef5zNsb1pJu-4IIdPgb4duSRNmfJimJiROAKxWSytfxXvdrbU0zyjITgjrw2zmE_ZK6CerG9FNOn5F7v7TFmnBUq7KJ8bScaFxD-pB/s1600/Untitled21.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghUr6uHFLtHZW1G1W9V_3XrPM7CUH2KmSHrMjVXnef5zNsb1pJu-4IIdPgb4duSRNmfJimJiROAKxWSytfxXvdrbU0zyjITgjrw2zmE_ZK6CerG9FNOn5F7v7TFmnBUq7KJ8bScaFxD-pB/s400/Untitled21.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena
thinks she sees something up on the hilltop but by the time the
camera pans back, Stefan is gone. Elena is Very Sad. It's like tortured, but for humans. Tortured Lite.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhENaF5WwTpUOa80W8Yk5qg3JiYZ0h5Bc7xzJDwX-STrrycZy37KWyjrmBh-4INoPnl-op3WBfNwwSCOZKjVadh8BuBj_iAhaKnbxIAciHuIcEdn41n8RQlqAP7HdNARpm9qqUIGJvLftSd/s1600/Untitled22.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhENaF5WwTpUOa80W8Yk5qg3JiYZ0h5Bc7xzJDwX-STrrycZy37KWyjrmBh-4INoPnl-op3WBfNwwSCOZKjVadh8BuBj_iAhaKnbxIAciHuIcEdn41n8RQlqAP7HdNARpm9qqUIGJvLftSd/s400/Untitled22.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back
in Mystic Falls, Matt calls to Jeremy's house to apologise for having
bailed on the ghost hunt. He brings over some beers & a bag full
of Vicky's personal stuff. They talk about not remembering their last
moments with Vicky & suddenly Vicky's right there behind them.
Matt can neither see nor hear her & asks Jeremy to translate her
ghost-speak but Jeremy doesn't know quite how to tell him his sister
believes they can help her return from the dead. Again.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life
Lesson #10: Nobody. Ever. Stays. Dead.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Suddenly,
a window smashes! And Anna appears! And she tells Jeremy not to trust
Vicky! Whatever will happen next?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Next,
we cut back to the forest, where Stefan returns to Klaus with a
twice-dead Flannel Werepire over his shoulders. His werewolf bite
stings something fierce. Klaus is upset because his werepire army is
all dead. I guess that werewolf girl wasn't About To Be An Important
Character after all. I guess there are no male characters left for
her to be the love interest of. Klaus smashes some beer bottles &
yells at the sky, because that's what werepires do when they're
upset. He runs through all the things he was told to do to be able to
turn werewolves into werepires & realises that the only thing
that could've gone wrong is if he hadn't properly killed the
doppelgänger. (Silly Klaus, don't you know by now that nobody
actually dies in this show?) Uh oh, now Klaus knows that Elena is
still alive! Will he refuse to heal Stefan's werewolf bite? For a
moment it looks like will... but then he tears a chunk out of his
hand & bleeds into a bottle of Bud & hands it to Stefan. Stay
classy, Klaus.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRQKdf94mZ8mSYIv4rrwqA67fSI0IRN-NJ-1f_0a-Lo13DnTRRWSMI3KzM85l5orpKLq4guWJM0RoCUlMEVRtIL5aNFspWMsJGeKa2CF19poEy803lfLvzu4GaIJVcKAf3ya3sSis9Wug0/s1600/Untitled23.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRQKdf94mZ8mSYIv4rrwqA67fSI0IRN-NJ-1f_0a-Lo13DnTRRWSMI3KzM85l5orpKLq4guWJM0RoCUlMEVRtIL5aNFspWMsJGeKa2CF19poEy803lfLvzu4GaIJVcKAf3ya3sSis9Wug0/s400/Untitled23.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And
now it's time for another Deep & Meaningful emo pop song closing
scene!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
this week's scene the song is about there not being anyone around &
not hearing a sound & Stefan downs the beer bottle of blood &
follows Klaus through the corpse-strewn camp ground. Cut to Elena's
house where Damon is brooding by the curtains & the song is about
not knowing where the world is & missing you now. He tells Elena
that she was right & Tortured Stefan hasn't been lost to his
vertical-haired alter-ego. He says Stefan can be saved because he
didn't let Damon die & the song is about being on the edge &
screaming your name. Damon confronts Elena about having
uncharacteristically let him lead her away from the forest that night
despite not having found Stefan & she confesses that she did it
because she didn't want to see him get hurt. She asks why he needs
her to say that she worries about him & Damon takes her face in
his hands & tells her that when he brings his brother back he
wants her to remember everything she felt while he was gone. They
stare into each other's eyes & the song is about shadows &
just wanting to feel alive. Alaric comes up the stairs with a
suitcase to move into an actual bedroom this time & witnesses the
sexual tension. He asks Elena if she knows what she's doing & she
says that no, she doesn't, & the song is all about echoes.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Cut
to Tyler's werewolf bondage room where he wakes up naked & his
mom is watching him from the floor of the cage (which isn't creepy at
all) & she tells him she'll take care of it & will make sure
nothing happens to Caroline & the song goes all instrumental
because this is a Very Touching Moment.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Then
we fade out to this week's post-emo-pop-song-dramatic-montage
cliffhanger scene. Tyler's mom has called Bill to entreat him to let
Caroline go & to suggest that maybe they've been wrong about
vampires simply being monsters, but he's having none of it because
his family have been hunting vampires for 150 years. He hangs up on
her & she puts her head in her hands.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Cut
to a cell somewhere where Caroline is waking up chained to a chair.
She calls out for Tyler's mom but there's nobody there. Suddenly, she
hears a sound. Someone's coming! She gets scared. A Dark Figure
approaches. The cell door opens & Bill steps inside. The dramatic
music builds & builds & builds until Caroline looks up &
says: "Daddy?"</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Dun
dun dunnnnn...</div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-70064636684955857842011-09-22T14:34:00.002+01:002011-09-22T14:35:07.682+01:00A Very Sad Song for a Very Sad SceneDo you know what's been in my head for the last week? That's right, the dramatic emo pop song that played over the dramatic last scene of last week's <i>Vampire Diaries</i>. So I'm sharing it here so you can all suffer with me. I think it bears mentioning that my Youtube search directed me to SadSongChannel1. Enjoy.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/LVsrP9OJ6PA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
(Disclaimer: I actually quite enjoy emo pop songs, but am very happy to make fun of them at the same time. Especially if they feature on <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>.)</div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-69219377676665969412011-09-18T15:15:00.000+01:002011-09-18T19:01:07.346+01:00Important Life Lessons & Every Cliché in the Book: The Vampire Diaries 3:1 Recap<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I'm a couple days late
with this because I was busy fetching a rescue kitten & assorted
kitten paraphernalia with my family-in-law for my sister-in-law's
birthday (I realise I'm not married yet, but it's much easier to say
"sister-in-law" than "my friend & ex-housemate who
is also my fiancé’s older brother's girlfriend") but fear
not, if by some chance or unfortunate trick of fate you didn't see
the first episode of the new series of <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>
last Thursday, boy are you in for a treat. I have recapped the entire
episode in all its glory just so you don't have to watch it! See how
nice I am?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDlEQhWbVd6fXH55TruPMHGOLOKN-ofMlh85ohyphenhyphen9JUf-0Q6E5G2hPyrLwZYsOdjTejDEYJLefP_pGijP5xglWTiFIJ1aiDpJ-Nmb8aVzOQANOhta3W6SZy390RiFQEpqBeq4CX3it4A9_0/s1600/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDlEQhWbVd6fXH55TruPMHGOLOKN-ofMlh85ohyphenhyphen9JUf-0Q6E5G2hPyrLwZYsOdjTejDEYJLefP_pGijP5xglWTiFIJ1aiDpJ-Nmb8aVzOQANOhta3W6SZy390RiFQEpqBeq4CX3it4A9_0/s320/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Previously on <i>The
Vampire Diaries</i>: Elena is the main character! Stefan & Damon are
vampire brothers! They are both in love with her! Damon is Crazy &
Impulsive; he's the Bad Boy with a heart of gold! Stefan mostly mopes.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Klaus is the bad guy!
He's a vampire born of werewolf blood! Werewolf bites are fatal to
vampires but Caroline (who is a blond vampire & Elena's friend)
is totally dating a werewolf! This one time, a werewolf bit Damon &
he would've died but Klaus's blood is the antidote to werewolf bites & he let Damon have some on the condition that Stefan leave home
& come with him on his Evil Mission to create an army of
vampire-werewolf hybrids! Are you confused yet? No? Okay, let's go!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Cliché count #1:
horror film opening scene cliché! It's night. Scantily-Clad Blonde
Girl's dog hasn't come home. She looks for him in the garden,
complaining of the heat. ("See, feminist viewers? That's why I'm
scantily clad. You would be too if you lived in this town. Don't be
so quick to judge.") A tall, dark, handsome stranger approaches
her. His car broke down a few miles away. His phone battery is dead.
He needs to call a garage.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Okay. Let's revisit
some of the previous Life Lessons we learned in the last two seasons.
Life Lesson #1: If someone asks to be invited into your house, they
are a vampire. Don't let them in.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Thankfully,
Scantily-Clad With Good Reason Blonde Girl (whose handle is getting a
bit long at this point) reads this blog, & has taken my lessons
to heart. Also, she's from Florida. Country people are trusting;
people from Florida know the score.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lessons from
Florida Girl: If a stranger says his car has broken down & his
cell phone's out of battery & he asks to use your phone, don't
let him in the house, bring the phone out to him instead. He's only
saying he's not a serial killer because he's a vampire.
Unfortunately, vampires have magic mesmerising eyes & you're
going to end up inviting him into your house anyway where he will
threaten you & your housemate until you tell him where your
often-absent werewolf housemate is & then he'll get his friend to
kill you both. Kinda makes you wonder why he even bothered with the
car-breaking-down story in the first place.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #3: If it's
nighttime & your dog hasn't come home yet, just leave him
outside. He can come back inside in the morning.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The friend I mentioned
in the last paragraph is none other than our favourite tortured
teenage vampire, the mopey-eyed, vertical-haired Stefan Salvatore! In
this season, Stefan is evil. You can tell the second he walks in the
door because his hair is more vertical than it was last season &
he looks more constipated than mopey. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
He's like a cross between Jedward & Edward Cullen.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEVWCb9bwtOUyRYjZKg2joPQUQIqltIEhbDuthM6HJPvK5Nuk20tFne9-put9nPugm7-LzvaNWnObv12DXwxLEkYizpZrAiJ96P70F7WUDLUcLMFhaseLm1EMzJlNHSx3J7DIXBVoY6nHW/s1600/Jedward-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEVWCb9bwtOUyRYjZKg2joPQUQIqltIEhbDuthM6HJPvK5Nuk20tFne9-put9nPugm7-LzvaNWnObv12DXwxLEkYizpZrAiJ96P70F7WUDLUcLMFhaseLm1EMzJlNHSx3J7DIXBVoY6nHW/s400/Jedward-001.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
You can also tell he's
evil because he's running around with Evil English Klaus &
killing innocent girls. But it's mostly the hair.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
One thing I like about
this show is that it doesn't have a theme tune or an opening
sequence. You just get the title on the screen, dripping a few drops
of blood in case you didn't understand what "vampire"
means, & then it's right back into the action with a nice,
popular indie/emo song.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In this scene, we
reconnect with our main character, Elena, & her little brother
Jeremy as they wake up & set about their days, staring mournfully
into the distance at regular intervals to remind us that they may
seem like normal teenagers but they're Been Through A Lot.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Caroline the
Once-Annoying, who is now a vampire like all the other vampires
walking about in sunlight, meeting up with their werewolf boyfriends,
shopping & talking to their bffs on the phone, fills Elena in on
all the local "animal attack" deaths that may be the
handiwork of her boyfriend. Most importantly, though, she's planning
her a party. It's a birthday party. It's her birthday party. Happy
birthday darling. We love you very very very very very very very
much. </Bright Eyes reference - hey, it seemed fitting>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Elena & Alaric (her
history teacher come now-dead-vampire-aunt's boyfriend, who has been
living on her couch all summer) talk about the possibility of Stefan
being dead vs being with Klaus & killing people left right &
centre, & Alaric wishes Elena a happy birthday & Elena heads
out. We know it's not going to be a happy birthday, after the first
part of the conversation.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, Damon is lying in a bubble bath, drinking
champagne. Because Damon knows what being a vampire's really about.
He finishes the bottle & tells his compelled journalist
girlfriend to get him more. She tells him he can get it himself
because she's not his slave, which is funny because as she's being
magically mesmerised to be with him against her will, she kind of is.
But Damon fetches his own champagne, because there's only room for
one Bad Boy vampire in this series, & his brother's vertical hair
has currently got that covered.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXjHa8Gv9coo_jjNyWu21GfMkpIiSSh2GjmslzbR270-k-X3hfb-jJIyNJk39N26pD-RNwTP_wSjS-zKc57CRz69GGSzsFa3WHZjvK3tLIKZPjB5n-eSJZfOKWpEAgB-2c95OOK7bpPDjq/s1600/Untitled3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXjHa8Gv9coo_jjNyWu21GfMkpIiSSh2GjmslzbR270-k-X3hfb-jJIyNJk39N26pD-RNwTP_wSjS-zKc57CRz69GGSzsFa3WHZjvK3tLIKZPjB5n-eSJZfOKWpEAgB-2c95OOK7bpPDjq/s400/Untitled3.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Cliché count #2:
Rom-com cliché! Elena comes in & bumps into Damon, who is naked
but for bubble-bath suds! She covers her eyes & throws him a
towel & he smirks & I should make a list of films in which
the
accidentally-walking-in-on-someone-naked-because-they-can't-be-bothered-with-towels-after-showers
trope features. Does that even happen in real life? If it has
happened to you, please, share your stories! And next time you get
out of the shower, put on a towel.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In this scene, we learn
that Stefan's been AWOL for two months, & that the Sheriff has given
Elena & Damon all the leads she can but they've all been dead
ends. We also learn that Ian Somerhalder still does that weird thing
with his eyes that I think means he's trying to look sincere.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back in town, Jeremy is
at work at Mystic Grill, which is apparently the only eatery in town
& also the only place any of the characters ever work. He's
having a video call with his Good Witch Girlfriend, Elena's best
friend Bonnie. She makes the mistake of telling him that a summer job
is good for him because he needs some normal in his life.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #4:
Supernatural creatures all have an inbuilt sensor that can pick up
phrases like "you need a bit of normal in your life" or
"it's a good thing everything's back to normal now" spoken
at any volume within a fifty mile radius.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The lights in the stock
room flash: a ghost approaches! It's Jeremy's
Drugged-Up-Party-Girl-Turned-Vampire now-staked ex-girlfriend, Vicky!
But in another flash of stock room light, she's gone. Jeremy is
understandably shaken. He bends down to pick up another box when his
other staked-vampire-turned-ghost ex-girlfriend, Anna, appears! She
reaches out to touch him but at that very moment Matt (for those who
don't remember, Matt is Vampire Caroline's ex &
Vampire-Turned-Ghost Vicky's brother) appears to call him to wait
tables. Phew!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Life Lesson #5: Avoid
dating too many dead vampire chicks. They'll invariably come back to
haunt you.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Caroline & Werewolf
Tyler (who used to be a jock jerk who slept with Matt's mother but is
now a Nice Guy because it turns out he wasn't really being a jerk
because he was a werewolf all along, which totally makes sense) are
having lunch at Mystic Grill, because there's nowhere else to eat in
this town. They're not actually boyfriend & girlfriend (yet) but
their parents think they are & secretly they totally want to be.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, in a bar in
another small town, Klaus has found his werewolf. You can tell he's a
werewolf because he has facial hair & is wearing a check shirt. Stefan shows the werewolf how badass he is by ordering Scotch on the rocks & threatening him with a wolfsbane drinking game.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfhpOYgHZr2Bj5sXcMtP4gX6YYNxHU-oeGzYlt33dw9uWBQKGoVDOefvqlujTtJc1Q4nXtkko3YeUwA0NkH3U62f_Pl-yUyfBwj_tk5jf1rirbLB4uheK-ChoE0YUHRxnyOQvElDISbaj5/s1600/cj.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfhpOYgHZr2Bj5sXcMtP4gX6YYNxHU-oeGzYlt33dw9uWBQKGoVDOefvqlujTtJc1Q4nXtkko3YeUwA0NkH3U62f_Pl-yUyfBwj_tk5jf1rirbLB4uheK-ChoE0YUHRxnyOQvElDISbaj5/s400/cj.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The following day,
Alaric & Damon arrive at Scantily-clad-but-now-dead Blond Girl's
beautiful white house.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Seriously, isn't it
just beautiful? Damon doesn't want Elena to know they're following
leads but Alaric doesn't like keeping things secret, which is
understandable seen how well keeping secrets worked for him last
season.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Inside the beautiful
white house, things are quiet... Too quiet. The dead girls are
sitting on the couch, covered in blood, & Damon recognises their
deaths as Stefan's handiwork because they are torn apart limb from
limb & put neatly back together, & "there's a reason he
used to be called the Ripper." Not cool,<i> Vampire Diaries</i>.
You do not steal Rupert Giles' nickname for a stupid mopey vampire.
Shame on you!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back in Mystic Falls,
Elena knows Damon's holding out on her. (For leads on Stefan, don't
be dirty!) Tyler thinks Damon doesn't want to find his brother
because he's in love with Elena & that his head's a bit messed up
because Elena kissed him that one time when she thought he was going
to die. Elena doesn't like Tyler's hypothesis.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Uh-oh, Caroline isn't
happy because Tyler's bringing a date to the party. Slutty Sophie is
the name of his date, but he doesn't mind Caroline calling her that
because he's only taking her because it's been "kinda slow in
that department lately" & because he's a werewolf now he's
horny all the time. Poor Sophie's really got herself a great guy
there.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But Caroline's horny
too! She tells Tyler it's a Vampire Thing & he explains that his
horniness is a Werewolf Thing & yay bonding over mutual horniness
that leads to unresolved sexual tension!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Back at the Pretty
White House Alaric & Damon are burning the evidence of Stefan's
crimes (Nooo! Not the Pretty White House!) where they discover a
Secret Werewolf Trapdoor. Now they know why Stefan & Klaus were
snooping about!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, in the bar
in the other small town, the evil duo are torturing the werewolf, by
using him as a dartboard, for information on his pack. The other
occupants of the bar are compelled not to notice the blood &
screams, & seeing them go about their evening in the background
is actually pretty creepy. Well done, <i>Vampire Diaries</i><span style="font-style: normal;">!
Klaus knows that Damon's on their trail & wants to kill him, but
Stefan would prefer go himself & make sure his brother doesn't
bother them again. See, he's still a good guy underneath the evil
hair!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
Mystic Falls, Elena is getting dressed for the party & being sad.
Damon gives Elena a necklace she thought she'd lost to go with the
dress. This makes her a bit happier.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Cliché
count #3: Romance cliché! Man gives a necklace to the woman he
loves; she brushes aside her hair & asks him to tie it for her.
In romance films, girls don't know how to tie their own necklaces.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Cliché
count #4: High School film cliché! Good Girl's best friend throws her a
party & says "of course" when Good Girl asks that it be
a small party. Resulting party is a kegger!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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Yay
drunk extras! True story: I was once a drunk extra in a TV show. It
was a lot of fun. You have to dance to no music & take off your
shoes in case the boom mic picks up the noise of your heels.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Jeremy
& Matt are out of control! You can tell because they're lighting
up a joint. They commiserate over their hard lives. Jeremy wins the
Dramatic Life Story award by virtue of seeing dead girlfriends.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Meanwhile,
in the news studio, Damon's compelled girlfriend is on the phone. You
can tell she works in TV because she says things like "can we do
this in the AM? I have a party to go to." She is the last person
leaving & almost all the lights are out. Do you think it may be
time for a cliché?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Cliché
count #5: Horror movie cliché! Blond Woman is the last person left
in the building! Almost all the lights are out. It's up to her to
lock up. Suddenly, a light turns on! She says "hello?"
about twelve times. She asks who's there. She says it's not
cool/funny when no one answers. She begins to get scared. She hears
footsteps. She says "hello?" a few more times. Suddenly,
she starts to run. She falls over. A Dark Figure approaches...</div>
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<br /></div>
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It
would appear that Stefan's method of getting his brother out of his
hair is by going after his girlfriend. Because that's original.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Back
at the keg party, Caroline is drinking rum from the bottle &
watching Tyler dance with Slutty Sophie. When they come up to her,
Caroline compels Sophie to leave the party & Tyler pretends not
to understand why.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Damon
gets a call from his "fake compelled girlfriend" (Alaric's
words this time, not mine) & goes to rescue her. Elena &
Caroline are both hiding in Damon's bedroom - Caroline because she
needs a baggie of human blood & Elena because she's too busy
being sad to party. She's Super Sad because everyone just wants her
to get on with her life & eat birthday cake & stuff & she
just wants to find her homicidal moping boyfriend. That's when she
finds Damon's Secret Stash of Clues! She figures out that Damon's
been tracking Stefan without her!
</div>
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<br /></div>
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Meanwhile,
the Damon in question arrives at the news studio to find his fake
compelled girlfriend & finds his brother instead. Stefan wants
Damon to let him go & when Damon says he can't do that because of
Elena, Stefan compels Damon's now twice-compelled girlfriend to jump
off the light rigging to her death. Stefan thinks this is kinda cool.
Now, we all know that vampire blood has Super Healing Powers &
that it has brought at least six characters back from the dead so
far, but Fake Compelled Girlfriend isn't an important enough
character for this to even cross Damon's mind. Instead, he bends over
her body & looks slightly put out as dramatic music plays.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">Back
at the party, Matt & Jeremy are getting ready to drive home. If
there's one thing I've learned from watching shows like </span><i>Gilmore Girls</i>
& <i>The Vampire Diaries</i> it's that Americans all drink & drive.
Maybe this is true. I don't know. I do know that neither of these
kids is in a fit state to drive home.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Jeremy
gets into his car & the ghost of his ex-girlfriend appears in the
passenger seat. See, way too stoned to drive. Vicky wants Jeremy to
help him but she disappears before telling him how or why, as Matt
decides to take Jeremy up on the offer to drive him home. When Jeremy
turns on his headlights, however, Ghost Anna appears right in front
of his car. Matt can't see the dead vampire & asks Jeremy what's
wrong, which prompts him to do the right thing & decide to walk
home. That's a good, responsible, underage drink-driver right there.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Inside
the house, the party's still going & Caroline's still mad at
Tyler who's still pretending not to know why. That is, until he
confronts her about it & they end up kissing as hungrily as only
a horny vampire & a horny werewolf can. Which is to say like any
normal teenager, really.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Damon returns home &
goes straight to his bedroom where an annoyed Elena waves his Secret
Stash of Clues in his face & gives out to him from keeping things
from her. Damon finally cracks & tells her that Stefan's a
ripping killing machine & that she's an idiot for thinking he'd
ever come home. This scene is mostly comprised of that weird eye
thing that Ian Somerhalder does. It's really very distracting.</div>
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At Jeremy & Elena's
house, Jeremy & Matt have the munchies. Because, remember, they
smoked a joint because they are so out of control. It's important to
remember these things. Their giggles dissipate when Jeremy tells Matt
he's been seeing the ghost of his dead vampire sister. In fairness,
that'd put a dampener on most evenings. Matt doesn't buy the whole
ghost business (because you know, witches & werewolves & vampires are fine,
but you have to draw the line somewhere) & thinks Jeremy just
misses Vicky. Jeremy humours him & lets him leave with the ice
cream.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Back in the bar in the
small town far far away, Klaus is still torturing the plaid-wearing
werewolf. He forces him to drink his blood, then slits his throat.
Stefen returns, still pretending to be Angel in season two of Buffy &
failing miserably. Klaus knows that no matter how high Stefan's hair
gets, he still cares for his brother & for his old life, & he
advises Stefan to drink more human blood, because it makes it easier
for him to let go of his emotions. Stefan mostly looks into the
middle distance trying to look tortured.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The final scene in
every Vampire Diaries episode is brought to us by today's favourite
emo pop song. It plays dramatically as the scene cuts dramatically
between all the main characters doing dramatic things. The lyrics are
always Deep & Meaningful. In this week's scene the song seems to
be about drops in the ocean & not being able to sleep &
Alaric is packing because he's not a role model for Elena &
Jeremy. Also his dead vampire girlfriend's face is all over the
house. Cut to Caroline's house, where she & Tyler engage in horny
werewolf-vampire sexual relations & the song talks about ending
up together & holding you closer. Cut to Damon's house, where
Damon is trashing the place, because that's what proper vampires do
when they're sad, & the song lyrics are more or less drowned out
by the smashing. Cut to the small town far far away where Stefan
storms out of the bar & looks tortured while the song says
something about rain in a desert & someone being someone else's
heaven, then he takes a baggie of human blood out of his back pocket
pocket. Cut back to Elena's house where she picks up her birthday
card (see Elena, we told you it wouldn't be a happy birthday) &
looks at it sadly & the song now seems to be about god &
trusting old friends. Stefan calls Elena's phone from a new cell &
doesn't say anything when she answers. She guesses that the unknown
caller phoning her in the middle of the night is her homicidal
vampire boyfriend & tells him he's going to be okay as he makes
duck lips at his phone which I think means he's upset. Or tortured.
If in doubt about any of Stefan's emotions, it's usually safe enough
to assume he's feeling tortured. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Elena whispers to Stefan that she
loves him, & that he should never let that go. And the song tells
us that you are my heaven.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But wait! We thought
this was the end & that the credits would begin to roll but no!
There is another scene! This is the typical <i>Vampire Diaries</i>
post-emo-pop-song-dramatic-montage cliffhanger scene. Darn, just when we thought it was over. In this scene,
Caroline wakes up next to Tyler & sneaks downstairs while he's
still asleep but runs into his mother in the hall. Awkward... She
goes to get her purse but it somehow burns her hand! And then Mrs Lockwood
shoots her in the back! Whatever will happen next? Find out in next
week's episode of <i>The Vampire Diaries</i>!</div>
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Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-36805442971903561002011-09-14T01:00:00.000+01:002011-10-03T15:42:05.439+01:00Synthesisers & Billowy Drapes: Serious Academic Notes on The Hunger<br />
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Ever wondered what a
Serious Academic's approach to watching a studied film is? Well
wonder no more, because for some reason instead of taking Serious
Academic Notes (okay fine, as well as) while watching Tony Scott's
<i>The Hunger</i> for the section on fear of ageing in my thesis, I decided
to take Actual Mental Notes instead. So this is, pretty much
verbatim, what I thought of <i>The Hunger</i> while I was watching it.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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For those who are not
vampire enthusiasts & do not necessarily know these things,<i> The
Hunger </i>(1983) tells the story of Miriam (Catherine Deneuve), an
elegant vampire whose lover John (David Bowie), a younger vampire,
suddenly begins to age rapidly after centuries of being thirty years
old. John approaches Sarah (Susan Sarandon), a doctor & leading
researcher in premature ageing, but she can do nothing to help him.
When John wastes away Miriam sets her sights on Sarah & promises
her eternal youth if she will be hers forever & ever. The rest of
this post contains spoilers, but mostly it contains screencaps & my thoughts about this whole 80s vampires business.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The film opens with - what else - Bella Lugosi is Dead. It's ironic, you see, because Bela Lugosi played Dracula & Dracula was a vampire & vampires are dead. Undead, undead, undead.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Oh Bauhaus! Oh Bowie!
Watching this movie is like being fifteen again & it's only three
minutes in.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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The 80s: it was all
cigarettes, leather & ominous music. I know this because I was
alive for half of it. I don't remember it having this much blood though... So far we know that David Bowie & Catherine Deneuve go to clubs & then kill people. Sexily. Meanwhile, Susan Sarandon researches monkeys, less sexily. We are invited, with great subtlety, to draw comparisons between the rage-filled cannibal monkeys & the classy, elegant vampires.</div>
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<br /></div>
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People can smoke
through veils? That's impressive. Maybe it's just Catherine Deneuve. Although I still have trouble seeing her as anything other than Peau d'Âne...</div>
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So although he & his Donkey Skin have killed leather-clad clubbers & drank their blood, David Bowie is troubled.</div>
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I would love to see a
man actually wear silk pyjamas. I should buy some for Alan.</div>
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<br /></div>
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And the soundtrack goes like this: Classical music! This is classical music because these are classy people!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYe6ihTWAwOE23rlTlRCG1uZ8JpR7tiBYrBtB289-wCWmYB7gR1050qiM92Au4Z24RFil-j6YHYIsNgly4eNXGV3Lzf4vcyuYY1HOkRmgVMENPEu4-P5WXR4YBRz1k_ByumBic2gHG1WWq/s1600/flashback.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYe6ihTWAwOE23rlTlRCG1uZ8JpR7tiBYrBtB289-wCWmYB7gR1050qiM92Au4Z24RFil-j6YHYIsNgly4eNXGV3Lzf4vcyuYY1HOkRmgVMENPEu4-P5WXR4YBRz1k_ByumBic2gHG1WWq/s400/flashback.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Everybody loves a good flashback! In this one we learn that Catherine Deneuve & David Bowie will be together forever & ever. If it's in a flashback it has to be true. Also, David Bowie is still troubled. You can tell he's troubled because there are billowy drapes:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Miriam & John are musicians. They practice with a spunky young neighbour & maybe it's just the blue tones of the set or the classical music or the fact that ancient vampires are hanging out with a pre-pubescent kid but there's something a little bit creepy about this friendship.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At this point I took some Actual Academic Notes about ageing & thought that I'm glad this film isn't particularly subtle because that makes my job a lot easier.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Were all kids in the
80s so androgynous? I was convinced Alice was a boy until Miriam said her name.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We come back to Doctor Sarah, who is going to explain about vampirism through the metaphor of monkeys. Her monkeys are ageing at an accelerated rate. I wonder what this could possibly mean for our vampire friend John? Could that possibly be why he is troubled? Myriam goes to see Dr Sarah at her book signing, & bewitches her with her veil. Meanwhile, John's hair starts falling out.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
According to Sarah, sleep affects how healthy your blood is, & your blood affects how fast or slowly you age. So the more you sleep, the less you'll age. That makes sense to me; I take a lot of naps & I look about ten years younger than I am. I suppose I must be a vampire.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
John tells Miriam that he can't sleep, & that his hair is falling out. We discover that Myriam had other lovers (many other lovers, & some of them female, oh my), before John, who suffered the same fate as he is suffering now. This fate took a few days to fully manifest but when it did, the lovers allegedly aged rapidly because they couldn't sleep. (Beware, sufferers of insomnia, you too may be diseased vampires.) John doesn't know what to do.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb-_QDbRTeyio2FhMzwPCW62ORAAfU-s-3-nAiN6FubTc1SKX01PQA0wSo5xV0FwZCakj5YltHID1kNtKeJNylYT1hG7lchTLBhOE5AG86TFswchl3EX3SsP94E5WTHMyFYcFhnjNB4han/s1600/to+do.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb-_QDbRTeyio2FhMzwPCW62ORAAfU-s-3-nAiN6FubTc1SKX01PQA0wSo5xV0FwZCakj5YltHID1kNtKeJNylYT1hG7lchTLBhOE5AG86TFswchl3EX3SsP94E5WTHMyFYcFhnjNB4han/s400/to+do.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Oh the synthesisers! I
wish I could take a screencap of the sound of this film. With the synthesiser, the above screencap reads: "What am I going to do to do to do to do?" It's quite difficult to take that kind of an echo seriously. Also, drapes.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Same drapes, different flashback. Miriam has felt this pain before, with any number of historical lovers.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Dr Sarah believes that ageing may be a disease that can be cured. John goes to see her in the hope that she will cure his accelerated ageing, but unsurprisingly she thinks he's not well in the head. Nobody's ever really crazy, Sarah, didn't you know that? Mentally ill people are really just vampires. I've learned this from so many vampire texts I'm surprised you don't know this already.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Also, this film is mostly
made up of the clacking of shoes (sometimes I wish I wore heels).</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Creepy decaying monkey!
Because everybody needs a picture of a decaying monkey on a Wednesday
morning. John, sitting for much longer than the promised fifteen minutes in Sarah's waiting room, is ageing visibly & very rapidly. Just like the monkey.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDqlS7XGZt8YWGbLxjpienUxYIIkumP6b2oI2vYC02DnqcvVmmPi_t3qvRZ18RkjAQIGLD9PX5QCoBWtz6-SylbWB6OpSJFKYqwZA4yW8go4aobNFU24Tha7ScVnu7u9pz-UHfsNs4-uok/s1600/Untitled8.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDqlS7XGZt8YWGbLxjpienUxYIIkumP6b2oI2vYC02DnqcvVmmPi_t3qvRZ18RkjAQIGLD9PX5QCoBWtz6-SylbWB6OpSJFKYqwZA4yW8go4aobNFU24Tha7ScVnu7u9pz-UHfsNs4-uok/s400/Untitled8.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
When Sarah witnesses John's extreme transformation, she says those unwise words that may just have doomed her with half the film left to go: "I'm going to find
out [what's caused this] if it kills me."</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgci4WDA0YjD6tR_lf5xl-rfoQOOf_0IaP3In-PBz2bs1fzOJfYvoyisFjkLkBrcfDjss1E-lusd7MEWmYmfRsbwmZJ8jMhbZi-D6o5WHOYDo3eXZkUSPtVSRnmbRD_zmVURCxo0eWjL0aH/s1600/Untitled10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgci4WDA0YjD6tR_lf5xl-rfoQOOf_0IaP3In-PBz2bs1fzOJfYvoyisFjkLkBrcfDjss1E-lusd7MEWmYmfRsbwmZJ8jMhbZi-D6o5WHOYDo3eXZkUSPtVSRnmbRD_zmVURCxo0eWjL0aH/s400/Untitled10.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
A lot of the questions
in this film can be answered by "because the 80s." For
example: Q. Why is this five minute sequence of a person
rollerblading alone to a ghettoblaster in the middle of an abandoned
building in this film? A. Because the 80s.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In a spectacular display of bad timing, Alice shows up at John & Miriam's house a day before they had planned to practice together, & Miriam is away. The androgynous child
wears a skirt (& legwarmers of course - Q. Why legwarmers? A.
Because the 80s) yet still manages to look like one of the Hanson
brothers.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCy1ZxhD87SKjurF-cbEJwx88r4vmSWz9M61u__PoJ0vlpndElXxSvD0LM3PU9jTzwXTCM550ViEQyr-BwzIK9kZ9_RUldAqrcjwlSZp2SXkmmzN59qXlQprzh2-B4xgXIhXmTq0WenSc1/s1600/Untitled12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCy1ZxhD87SKjurF-cbEJwx88r4vmSWz9M61u__PoJ0vlpndElXxSvD0LM3PU9jTzwXTCM550ViEQyr-BwzIK9kZ9_RUldAqrcjwlSZp2SXkmmzN59qXlQprzh2-B4xgXIhXmTq0WenSc1/s400/Untitled12.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And the soundtrack goes
like this: CLASSICAL MUSIC, THIS IS CLASSICAL MUSIC PEOPLE!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Alice rings the doorbell & suddenly-old John, who doesn't want her to come in, tells her: "there's nobody
here." I didn't know people over five ever fell for that. He lets her in anyway, & proceeds to smile sadly & knowingly whenever she asks if he is John's father (which she does about three times).</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And the soundtrack goes
like this: Classical mu-- SYNTHESISER!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVD82Euax7rM9DoA_C0bkzewP2uX31b7A9-TrG6bi_bQoiVEhVY-qDD6JSw6bMW8bzFK3sNl12H0BPeqNwrPGUuT4IsBueIfDDRC4DtH6erjBrFT3xG-rxyTTLSKL09FM4C1V7iP1st8Kf/s1600/Untitled13.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVD82Euax7rM9DoA_C0bkzewP2uX31b7A9-TrG6bi_bQoiVEhVY-qDD6JSw6bMW8bzFK3sNl12H0BPeqNwrPGUuT4IsBueIfDDRC4DtH6erjBrFT3xG-rxyTTLSKL09FM4C1V7iP1st8Kf/s400/Untitled13.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
John convinces Alice to play a piece for him while he walks around her fondling the front of his shirt. Alice has just told him that she loves Myriam ("she's my best friend") & John himself ("I love him. He's just hard to figure out.") & they have bonded over a chord & yet when you see her continue to play despite the fact that there's some serious fear growing in her eyes you know he's going to kill her. This scene would be the
creepiest thing ever if it weren't for that bloody synthesiser.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Every good vampire
should have a furnace in their basement.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Miriam returns & doesn't seem to mind that John has killed their young neighbour & her alleged best friend. He did a pretty good job of cleaning up after himself, in fairness. John begs Miriam to release him & let him die, but Miriam explains gently that a little side-effect of immortality is that you can't actually die. Instead, you live on in your ever-ageing, ever-deteriorating body for the rest of eternity, or until you turn to dust, whichever comes first. </div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Yep, living forever
sounds appropriately horrible. Do you hear that, Stephenie Meyer?<br />
<br />
John falls down the stairs because he is too feeble to walk. Miriam gathers him into her arms & brings him up to her billowy, drapey, dove-filled attic that is also filled with coffins.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Then, Miriam introduces her
decomposing - but still somehow living - lover to all her other
lovers who lie rotting - but STILL ALIVE - in coffins in her attic.
But hey, at least there are doves.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Meanwhile, Sarah is hallucinating Miriam while getting out of the shower. Her boyfriend is none the wiser.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimg23iA-hQGEHmxGDih2pjGgyTN4bo1i83ctd7accJXuSf7im0lrYGzvmT6KHAZb5RJbp6oTIB47vDNqMATtezSqfV-xQMT4H-upF_SpqPsWj_S2MFwegVZ_IbNwOAcDTuVbE26b3JtI0Z/s1600/Untitled19.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimg23iA-hQGEHmxGDih2pjGgyTN4bo1i83ctd7accJXuSf7im0lrYGzvmT6KHAZb5RJbp6oTIB47vDNqMATtezSqfV-xQMT4H-upF_SpqPsWj_S2MFwegVZ_IbNwOAcDTuVbE26b3JtI0Z/s400/Untitled19.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I'd be scared too if I
had crazy 80s lighting in my bathroom.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sarah leaves her boyfriend & her scary bathroom & goes to visit Miriam to see if she can bring John back to her clinic to run some tests. Miriam tells her that John is in Switzerland (it's the "nice big farm in the country" of vampires), invites her into her enormous home & offers her sherry.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA7nZze_vZ_Wkhm4R_3VfDYnt7EPWd4RipXbvKn5b_0TQZxZ7kf-vYMzqTcplyC8ZY8ToJcSpD9trFHeZuVEEyYiishQaKmmCLRIkmpwDJckRu-1pgqyP31xeTDRAdVuRjpIo0INN_zZgd/s1600/Untitled20.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA7nZze_vZ_Wkhm4R_3VfDYnt7EPWd4RipXbvKn5b_0TQZxZ7kf-vYMzqTcplyC8ZY8ToJcSpD9trFHeZuVEEyYiishQaKmmCLRIkmpwDJckRu-1pgqyP31xeTDRAdVuRjpIo0INN_zZgd/s400/Untitled20.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Are you making a
pass at me Mrs Blaylock?" asks Sarah, noticing Miriam's flirting tone. No Sarah, she just wants to keep you forever
in a coffin in her attic with her other
not-actually-dead-but-still-rotting lovers. But hey, there are doves!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And the soundtrack goes
like this: CLASSICAL MUSIC!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBdZldYvUgEurB73ohecqwD-Cpws_Ve4_xg9T0C_-IV1WKDplyT4FdN-3qFHSmDS4A3E4u3_wthQ141QsiUI0_ynN7SstHm4Ile3j8k4l9PnNWm30zT3RrOBeduK4l6sE92-VTOf9bU9GD/s1600/Untitled21.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBdZldYvUgEurB73ohecqwD-Cpws_Ve4_xg9T0C_-IV1WKDplyT4FdN-3qFHSmDS4A3E4u3_wthQ141QsiUI0_ynN7SstHm4Ile3j8k4l9PnNWm30zT3RrOBeduK4l6sE92-VTOf9bU9GD/s400/Untitled21.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sarah: Oops, I just spilled
blood-like sherry on my shirt! I will now have to show you that I'm
not wearing a bra while wetting my tshirt unnecessarily to clean it
even though you're totally going to lend me your shirt anyway so that
I'll take my top off! Good thing I chose to wear nipple today. I mean
white...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbp4DMD-u6J9AHUHlbw5m2TYf39Y-MUz4_pmst45LBREre8HCbJuB5qw1omPeUckQXFgefI43UBlQiVnkD2rlo54BXCS-rMyqcbjcYS2rioWOu1p-pWQ98B0BkdO-Nnc12LiawhHqXawvd/s1600/Untitled22.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbp4DMD-u6J9AHUHlbw5m2TYf39Y-MUz4_pmst45LBREre8HCbJuB5qw1omPeUckQXFgefI43UBlQiVnkD2rlo54BXCS-rMyqcbjcYS2rioWOu1p-pWQ98B0BkdO-Nnc12LiawhHqXawvd/s400/Untitled22.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This film is very
subtle.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And the soundtrack goes
like this: OPERA! It's like classical music, but with voices!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi51OF7EhyphenhyphenQvBkD4bbZL0-Om8MBjtbzLHYZpkBqBDAeOqXEDEtoY6q9CVfPJaTz0ztpEUSX1N9Gxfursy8mg2K5_bCcrMDho_wUqRSlOQYdBKpOwpoyTbfQJznIBXGaELIMJLPjp4MwngZw/s1600/Untitled23.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi51OF7EhyphenhyphenQvBkD4bbZL0-Om8MBjtbzLHYZpkBqBDAeOqXEDEtoY6q9CVfPJaTz0ztpEUSX1N9Gxfursy8mg2K5_bCcrMDho_wUqRSlOQYdBKpOwpoyTbfQJznIBXGaELIMJLPjp4MwngZw/s400/Untitled23.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Billowing drapes sex
scene! Because whenever anyone has sex there are billowy drapes. The
drape industry knows no recession!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(Slightly more
seriously, I recently read a very interesting passage about this film
in Nina Auerbach's <i>Our Vampires, Ourselves</i> that talks about the fragmentation &
fetishisation of women's bodies & how clothed, Myriam & Sarah
are very different, but with the broken-up images & the camera
angles & those bloody billowy drapes it's difficult to
distinguish one from the other when they're naked.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW9xr3i9XXuC47mLppkXPQgDG4k5ZkpXvxAFC95iCQvL9dJ5AaHLMw8ddlHB2hUp5p09w1EYFi9kyhCgpYbRZj47uzYyCbNQOaiXF0gZ4Um4a9Jvtem6I6Etgkzr-ZBZIv5LHeK_u4zOMA/s1600/steak.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW9xr3i9XXuC47mLppkXPQgDG4k5ZkpXvxAFC95iCQvL9dJ5AaHLMw8ddlHB2hUp5p09w1EYFi9kyhCgpYbRZj47uzYyCbNQOaiXF0gZ4Um4a9Jvtem6I6Etgkzr-ZBZIv5LHeK_u4zOMA/s400/steak.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Soon, however, the women are whole again & it's the morning after & Sarah is at a restaurant with her boyfriend & RARE STEAK, GUYS, LOOK,
SHE'S EATING RARE STEAK! It's like bloody, lesbian sex on a plate!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Question time! Q.
What's the number one way to find out that your girlfriend is a vampire?
(Hint: it's not "because the 80s," although that answer
works too...)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqusz3bys3_L9RIB-QaWSREh-XWVfcpK49Ly7oFMdrwtiy6SPCraUX_RPyErhTozg0BV1oeYqw0SIqZtA8DXd2Ky0t9hjQu3Sz0iD90_fAF4RIuFv2JgRAjpiD_uVqdBV3CHb2-p1L78NX/s1600/Untitled24.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqusz3bys3_L9RIB-QaWSREh-XWVfcpK49Ly7oFMdrwtiy6SPCraUX_RPyErhTozg0BV1oeYqw0SIqZtA8DXd2Ky0t9hjQu3Sz0iD90_fAF4RIuFv2JgRAjpiD_uVqdBV3CHb2-p1L78NX/s400/Untitled24.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I was just about to say
that I was beginning to miss the constant smoking of the first half
of this film when this scene happened. Post-steak cigarette, anyone?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Boyfriend asks Sarah where she got the pretty Egyptian necklace she's wearing & is surprised to learn that it was a gift from Miriam. He also finds it a little strange that Sarah spent five hours "just talking" with a woman she'd just met. What kind of woman gives jewellery to a woman she barely knows? A "European" woman, that's who.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2LYGYWAsxL1yJlMOBiWsNk_uY6AhO8g_DBgocitRP1nBi4kOOgp9C3GtJFdwAlrdarYCUmnBfFslxpiuCCHwKwWlTPYCeUU5MiFVq8O1IDEuPx7I6HudnhRA2F9uGoa4REnoRW2d4BHXy/s1600/Untitled25.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2LYGYWAsxL1yJlMOBiWsNk_uY6AhO8g_DBgocitRP1nBi4kOOgp9C3GtJFdwAlrdarYCUmnBfFslxpiuCCHwKwWlTPYCeUU5MiFVq8O1IDEuPx7I6HudnhRA2F9uGoa4REnoRW2d4BHXy/s400/Untitled25.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"She's that kind
of woman. She's... European." Is that what they're calling it
these days?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sarah isn't feeling well. She can't eat even though she's ravenous, & she throws up at night. Boyfriend brings her to her own clinic where a fellow sleep disorder/ ageing specialist tells her that she has two strains of blood in her veins, both fighting for dominance... & one of those strains isn't human. Would the bloodletting sex with a vampire have anything to do with that? I think we need to see another flashback to really understand.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7znt4zUVKiGwFDqOPaQkta8MZ1Bf3o5LYg34UWDfCo32XSpk4KEM_cSr8oG5fetEAuZFVe1L496JyT5Ksaqos-7IPr0MWaBjAqNMDfqlN_VkKqy7_5oHkhcmsZQMZuIFm4TnOJlzp5qS5/s1600/sex.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7znt4zUVKiGwFDqOPaQkta8MZ1Bf3o5LYg34UWDfCo32XSpk4KEM_cSr8oG5fetEAuZFVe1L496JyT5Ksaqos-7IPr0MWaBjAqNMDfqlN_VkKqy7_5oHkhcmsZQMZuIFm4TnOJlzp5qS5/s400/sex.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sarah skips her appointment with a specialist to go to Miriam's house & shout at her for having infected her with vampire blood. Miriam thinks Sarah's ungrateful & believes she shouldn't attack her in her own stately home, which is a fair point, really. Miriam just wanted to give Sarah the gift of eternal life (most of which'll be spent rotting in a coffin). Who wouldn't be grateful for that?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwFN6WiTjTa0SEMLJ3TAzM6wTdXNN1k1uoqlhAA8eETJc49c_l8hrFVWGk319JwRHzX3AcOhpyFOCbaQqxv8vOsU_5xMpayWpVqOh6oj8o_ehR9P0g0Wot5INwutNLwt5BZkLkRvlSlmp4/s1600/Untitled26.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwFN6WiTjTa0SEMLJ3TAzM6wTdXNN1k1uoqlhAA8eETJc49c_l8hrFVWGk319JwRHzX3AcOhpyFOCbaQqxv8vOsU_5xMpayWpVqOh6oj8o_ehR9P0g0Wot5INwutNLwt5BZkLkRvlSlmp4/s400/Untitled26.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
You can tell she's
getting angry because her hair is out of place. (Does that mean that
I'm angry all the time?) Miriam tells Sarah that even if she tries to leave she'll be back, that soon The Hunger (you know, like the name of the film) will know no reason, & she'll need Miriam to show her how to feed.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sarah storms out & tries to hail a taxi or call her doctor boyfriend but The Hunger knows no reason & she needs to feed so she returns to Miriam all shaky & weak.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhodoOlWwtn9I3YMRlCjLDL9rKGcmjYgXdXgrWg54_YSBKN2ISiDZHI5696MhoRtFtgZ_L2fqWk3wY5ZVsjtqSWTTv9Pp9ssTDHeE_CXAwvqI2wlC2IrYY4vBVK_Oi9_g9jPJfyfvTFDmb7/s1600/Untitled27.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhodoOlWwtn9I3YMRlCjLDL9rKGcmjYgXdXgrWg54_YSBKN2ISiDZHI5696MhoRtFtgZ_L2fqWk3wY5ZVsjtqSWTTv9Pp9ssTDHeE_CXAwvqI2wlC2IrYY4vBVK_Oi9_g9jPJfyfvTFDmb7/s400/Untitled27.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Q. Why is that lady
wearing a green plastic trenchcoat & granddad-waisted jeans? A. Because the 80s of
course!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And the soundtrack
goes like this: SYNTHESISER!</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Miriam picks up a prostitute dude to feed to her new vampire. She even kills him first - like a mother bird - because Sarah is too weak.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBOqSIJ2ALy8fVrKTA9KM0DCWq9CeZcDW8hK_9D8qLOVjsv4wQOiim-jSFn-Mj3xEBZdi4YQSx2JpL4y6shQBGHPeVE4oPd0Y0yk8wLKRU_KeF-QPEI1FDiLBNuhkkQmxxVgvQPNxJG_YA/s1600/Untitled28.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBOqSIJ2ALy8fVrKTA9KM0DCWq9CeZcDW8hK_9D8qLOVjsv4wQOiim-jSFn-Mj3xEBZdi4YQSx2JpL4y6shQBGHPeVE4oPd0Y0yk8wLKRU_KeF-QPEI1FDiLBNuhkkQmxxVgvQPNxJG_YA/s400/Untitled28.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Okay, seriously. Why
are all vampires messy eaters? It can't be that hard to get blood in
your mouth & not all over the rest of you. Not that I'd know...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The doorbell rings as Miriam's enjoying her messy snack & oh no, it's the Boyfriend! He's here to see if Miriam's heard from Sarah because she didn't turn up to her doctor's appointment. But Sarah has The Hunger & The Hunger knows no bounds! </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrRTepXDtDjzmTUsC0nyZZarZ_PuwFqsDxkwYnR_OcovKPw12DX-AinmFwu0Ih_byLcfoDtbZcyRfnaqnMm_0ALHmRTmAuEr4-luXU3OTnFCo5MtWnsv6AlGfMrAQGsrIOOTM_Kc2yn5Yy/s1600/blood.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrRTepXDtDjzmTUsC0nyZZarZ_PuwFqsDxkwYnR_OcovKPw12DX-AinmFwu0Ih_byLcfoDtbZcyRfnaqnMm_0ALHmRTmAuEr4-luXU3OTnFCo5MtWnsv6AlGfMrAQGsrIOOTM_Kc2yn5Yy/s400/blood.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sarah is also a messy eater.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sarah & Miriam start to kiss - bloodily, messily - when Sarah suddenly seizes the knife-hidden-as-an-ankh necklace &... stabs herself in the neck? Sarah dies, very dramatically.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The dreaded echo is back as Miriam wails & mourns. Sadness sounds even sadder with a synthesiser!</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjotrxmn6pGnCntMyFAJVksLdesHx34cfzDPZbbrkucDPHjNENFNQrY3c6pkkbKI17L5CDj3TCfa7y59EnhCn2g5jzW_C4etHal6WQ7pMDpLpnUWI9EsdY4WGppEs-NU9X6xv3k9qDIQnFg/s1600/Untitled29.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjotrxmn6pGnCntMyFAJVksLdesHx34cfzDPZbbrkucDPHjNENFNQrY3c6pkkbKI17L5CDj3TCfa7y59EnhCn2g5jzW_C4etHal6WQ7pMDpLpnUWI9EsdY4WGppEs-NU9X6xv3k9qDIQnFg/s400/Untitled29.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The drapes, how they
billow! They billow even in flashbacks! This set is 3/4 drapes. Miriam carries Sarah's body up to the attic, where more drapes await.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnpO8Iim_9MDbOrQj58Lza5fW5hieITR1chPR2IVcgcUS7O1ihzGL3ljgGutLV_A_K1zxJMOpm3dX4zSbC-1zO0LAA651Wf3tzHrrBeX42U_vxYrQkI8kLZxn23B6VpV90yiM7fwOAP7Q7/s1600/Untitled30.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnpO8Iim_9MDbOrQj58Lza5fW5hieITR1chPR2IVcgcUS7O1ihzGL3ljgGutLV_A_K1zxJMOpm3dX4zSbC-1zO0LAA651Wf3tzHrrBeX42U_vxYrQkI8kLZxn23B6VpV90yiM7fwOAP7Q7/s400/Untitled30.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But what's this? The
drapes have brought the rotted lovers back from the grave! Run! Run & hide! (But hey,
at least there are doves.)</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoMzwq7yxJgYMGR8efV7tvHWrjhiUyHd-tUuGf1myIZ2INeVw-iQ1c3eyCtDRcG_fsZJ9rrJNfXRKmDI3fTmvH8LZBCIJ9zVgzIS4mJaKOlYIzGBYlg2HcmHfI2eoxK01eQAX2h5RaSDhj/s1600/Untitled31.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoMzwq7yxJgYMGR8efV7tvHWrjhiUyHd-tUuGf1myIZ2INeVw-iQ1c3eyCtDRcG_fsZJ9rrJNfXRKmDI3fTmvH8LZBCIJ9zVgzIS4mJaKOlYIzGBYlg2HcmHfI2eoxK01eQAX2h5RaSDhj/s400/Untitled31.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The rotting lovers advance on Miriam, the bannister gives out & Miriam falls to the ground floor where she ages so rapidly that within ten seconds she is mostly skeleton. From what I can see, her death is death by drapes &
doves. And synthesiser. And slow-mo. (It's what kills us all.)</div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
One big happy family.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
For the last scene, we cut to a big apartment in a big city, where Vampire Sarah (not dead, apparently, but, like dear Bela Lugosi, undead undead undead) caresses a new lover & shows off her pearl earrings & Miriam-inspired lipstick. You can tell she's Head Vampire now because she's wearing pearl earrings. It's science. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
No matter where you go
- you can turn your immortal lover into a decaying corpse & seal her in a coffin for all eternity, you can sell your house, leave your boyfriend, move cities, live in a new apartment - but you
will never get away from them. There will always be billowy drapes.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-49481813048680856672011-09-08T19:55:00.001+01:002011-09-14T13:37:39.489+01:00More Important Life Lessons with Popular Culture<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJB38XCvTxrWaGqhZFQ8-ppXXoxytgQ30uOtc7OX4Z8fxD6WUsZJXuM9QLRZ6uDRurQ9K_vgPW4mSzhHXF3Q3PV007litTVel-UUJ3DidBxvd5Pvu5Kb7wln-qGH800LzY4ds23hzcwcJ4/s1600/vampire_diaries_15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJB38XCvTxrWaGqhZFQ8-ppXXoxytgQ30uOtc7OX4Z8fxD6WUsZJXuM9QLRZ6uDRurQ9K_vgPW4mSzhHXF3Q3PV007litTVel-UUJ3DidBxvd5Pvu5Kb7wln-qGH800LzY4ds23hzcwcJ4/s400/vampire_diaries_15.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
As you can possibly
tell from the absence of posts, I managed to stop procrastinating &
write my chapter, which means I haven't been writing much else that
isn't confined to 140 characters. (I like Twitter! Who knew?) Then I
was sick & then I was at Electric Picnic & then I was sick
again which is what happens when you go to a music festival with a
high temperature. Now I am no longer procrastinating & no longer
at Electric Picnic & no longer sick & I am busy with the
revisions to the aforementioned chapter & catching up on the epic
to-do-list that grew monstrously when I wasn't looking. I also need
to clean the house. But enough about me! More about <i>The Vampire
Diaries</i>! It's the show we all love to hate! This is me watching the
entire. Second. Season. (Which was painful, hence the need for the
full stops after every word.) And taking down the lessons I was
learning as I went. Here are those invaluable life lessons:</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b>Things I have learned
from <i>The Vampire Diaries</i> Season 2:</b></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
You can't have vampires
without werewolves.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
You can always tell who
the Good Doppleganger is: she's the one with the straight hair. Cause
only good guys have straight hair. (And only bad guys dress in black.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgPqq86IG4fEWzjr7FQG7EGe3AmpVbQXaJuTJ66fWB5uol3b8-dakxYhx2NfZcnC2ktkxXXzeKquLSZIAZHXXdPAiAJoMBeym5eB7QDVmlYsLKUKAaJxygzhWRodRbQJFI93n4vEV4LB6h/s1600/katherineelena.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgPqq86IG4fEWzjr7FQG7EGe3AmpVbQXaJuTJ66fWB5uol3b8-dakxYhx2NfZcnC2ktkxXXzeKquLSZIAZHXXdPAiAJoMBeym5eB7QDVmlYsLKUKAaJxygzhWRodRbQJFI93n4vEV4LB6h/s320/katherineelena.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Rich people have swords
just lying around in their gardens, true story.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
People don't stay dead.
Seriously. Ever.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Angry jock guys are
only angry because they're werewolves, not because they're jerks.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
If you are a vampire
who wants to out a werewolf, you should choose the only
African-American human male character in two seasons to pick a fight
with him. Cause, y'know, if you picked a white guy it just wouldn't
be realistic... God I hate this show.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Vampires are messy
eaters. (It would probably help if they kept their mouths closed.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB-EZU7uqbHobk23jBWJdMShDJXv12uqHxMqwVUkrTksRoG1m5L0RrVozb2LEk9LTXZanA5E2C4yUDG05qhsQL3d8SpL4Jg0MNkxDh7096qgZWoNJzsEfow9tfgEaYTOW2rN3Ep10biEn5/s1600/messyeater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB-EZU7uqbHobk23jBWJdMShDJXv12uqHxMqwVUkrTksRoG1m5L0RrVozb2LEk9LTXZanA5E2C4yUDG05qhsQL3d8SpL4Jg0MNkxDh7096qgZWoNJzsEfow9tfgEaYTOW2rN3Ep10biEn5/s640/messyeater.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Everyone in America is
skinny.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Girls who are insecure
are horribly annoying & should be ridiculed.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Dramatic music that goes like this: "dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUUUNNNN" can
never be overused.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Emo rock music is never
not appropriate.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Vampires all have
iPhones.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Okay, seriously, all
African-Americans are witches. This is a picture list of all the African-American characters in the show. It's also a picture list of all the witches.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk09PV2c-rcBVgacDkSB7BSKK_WlQAwRQ0CV8ZWxpCrW67439_W4I8WKYXAYqZlHtzSpAoVIkJN39v3z0NfliR_mvB7lp1Ys2-LiKV_EnpEsM4E6-g38GW0PLCGO5Y_thUTTwWvCS3Vz5U/s1600/witches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk09PV2c-rcBVgacDkSB7BSKK_WlQAwRQ0CV8ZWxpCrW67439_W4I8WKYXAYqZlHtzSpAoVIkJN39v3z0NfliR_mvB7lp1Ys2-LiKV_EnpEsM4E6-g38GW0PLCGO5Y_thUTTwWvCS3Vz5U/s640/witches.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Small towns in America
hold Events every other weekend (dances, bakeoffs, barbecues, balls,
fundraisers, competitions, bizarre re-enactments). Maybe this is
really true - I've never been to the States but I've been re-watching
Gilmore Girls in my spare time & that's pretty much the same
thing, right? Can any small town USians confirm or deny this? Do I
know any Americans from small towns? Is there even such a thing? I'm
beginning to believe that small town America was invented by horror
authors & Dawson's Creek.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4fWWpSgSHMWF58NQpmChvqvMzhxuybyVESBCeiNwyLibNzAxW1l8SV34TMyhY4nsJvFa2EZquGeqYjbIHqNKL5sGNGDcYZzRDLigUwt3PuIu1vtkrWshq4Q-WPtzT0JJV7w40buUPWgzN/s1600/MissMysticFallsFloat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4fWWpSgSHMWF58NQpmChvqvMzhxuybyVESBCeiNwyLibNzAxW1l8SV34TMyhY4nsJvFa2EZquGeqYjbIHqNKL5sGNGDcYZzRDLigUwt3PuIu1vtkrWshq4Q-WPtzT0JJV7w40buUPWgzN/s320/MissMysticFallsFloat.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
If you approach a guy &
he's horribly rude to you, it's not because he's a jerk, it's because
he's a vampire & he wants to kill you so he's really just being
caring & kind by keeping you away from him. Isn't that nice to
know?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Men do evil things for
power. Women only do evil things for love.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Women really love
sacrificing themselves.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
It's only Too Late to
save someone's life with Super Healing Vampire Blood when it is
narratively important. Any other time, it works like a charm.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And even then, remember
point 4 above.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Crying over Skype is a perfectly normal way for vampires, witches & humans to interact. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrrR1WAmMt4t4Kkj6atUR9b5cn6WCovrCSUTgQgE0whdPe3_JMH4sc5-yp6Vc0ghXSQhnkfnuc4f27pfr0aEq__k5x4nlzpnK6ZfJPi09VsN41VIjFOssuEQJjf2KO9rjwac6lV_X9e8-3/s1600/skype.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrrR1WAmMt4t4Kkj6atUR9b5cn6WCovrCSUTgQgE0whdPe3_JMH4sc5-yp6Vc0ghXSQhnkfnuc4f27pfr0aEq__k5x4nlzpnK6ZfJPi09VsN41VIjFOssuEQJjf2KO9rjwac6lV_X9e8-3/s400/skype.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Okay, seriously, does
anybody stay dead in this series?</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Century old vampire
Originals are totally hip with the cool kids & say things like
OMG.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Everyone is originally
from Eastern Europe. Except African-Americans. They're from Salem.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Everybody loves a good
flashback.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Oh all right, men like to sacrifice themselves too... but only to save their families.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Okay seriously, the number one lesson I've learned from The Vampire Diaries is this: if
anyone around you dies - a friend, a loved one, an enemy - don't sweat it
(unless it's your enemy). They will come back to life within a few episodes, a season at most. Don't believe me? Just watch The Vampire Diaries.</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-47529380998936665902011-08-04T20:49:00.002+01:002011-08-04T20:55:09.045+01:00Deadline-DreadersSo. I'm submitting the first chapter of my thesis soon, very soon, too soon, & I have Thinker's Block. It's more than Writer's Block (I'm writing heaps, just nothing that makes much sense or is any good), it's not quite a mental block (there's some stuff going on in my head still, but this stuff isn't necessarily thoughts, & certainly not Thesis Thoughts) & as a result, for one of the first times in my life, I'm spending my days procrastinating. I don't usually have a problem with procrastination, but something about this deadline is giving me the psychological heebeejeebees & I just can't seem to face my chapter for more than fifteen minutes at a time.<br /><br />It doesn't help that (for those few people reading this who aren't my friend in real life & so therefore haven't heard & read about this all over the place & constantly for the last two weeks) I'm recently engaged, & if there's one thing that makes for excellent time-wasting, it's wedding blogs. Also, I recently got an iPhone, & if there's another thing that makes for excellent time-wasting, it's Angry Birds (isn't Angry Birds the silliest, most mindless thing ever? & for that reason isn't it wonderful?).<br /><br />I think place is pretty important for any kind of writing. Here is where I can work well: on the train from Dublin to Mayo, on the train from Mayo to Dublin, in the veranda of the house in Mayo until it gets too hot, on the apple-green couch in the house in Mayo with a cup of earl grey until I get too cold, sitting on the kitchen step in the back garden in the sunlight with a glass of lemonade, squinting at the laptop screen & shooing the cat away from the keyboard.<br /><br />The problem is that I can't always be on a train, & when I'm in Dublin I can't be in the house in Mayo (for obvious reasons), & when it rains I can't sit on the kitchen step in the back garden in the sunshine (sitting on the kitchen step in the back garden in the rain just doesn't have the same appeal). I've tried turning off the internet to get away from wedding blogs but I still have my iPhone. I've tried hiding my phone but I don't have any secret hiding places from myself, & even with no phone & no internet I find the cat gets quite distracting when I tempt him to chase a ribbon.<br /><br />Help me, fellow deadline-dreaders! How do you cope with the psychological heebeejeebees? How do you even spell heebeejeebees? Do you have any tried & tested anti-procrastination techniques? Or would you rather I posted a picture of my cat? (He's a very lovely cat. He has a heart on his nose.) Do you think I'll get this chapter in on time? I'll match any bet against. Oh dear. Even this post is a type of procrastination. Pity me, dear reader, it looks like I'm doomed.Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-11379323129809978202011-07-28T19:02:00.002+01:002011-09-14T01:07:21.986+01:00Harry Potter, Male Protagonists & Strong Female Characters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQOulm3KvfKEgvLyWkme04CDgvlirsShBpKjhgCgREhN17sG1svVRBtlYF45fwQtdVHuhn1oZ-_YRSaT-E6SKGH6jcHir4-TltZiswzJSexuoA3vEaMT6nm9xg6J7n2K7CLmn9Ziyr_AQ/s1600/katnisshermione.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQOulm3KvfKEgvLyWkme04CDgvlirsShBpKjhgCgREhN17sG1svVRBtlYF45fwQtdVHuhn1oZ-_YRSaT-E6SKGH6jcHir4-TltZiswzJSexuoA3vEaMT6nm9xg6J7n2K7CLmn9Ziyr_AQ/s320/katnisshermione.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Hello! I'm posting again! It's quite shocking, even to me! I have some links for you! And then I'm going to talk about Harry Potter for a bit! And now I'm going to stop with the exclamation marks.<br />
<br />
The first link is to a post by Alyssa Rosenberg about <a href="http://thinkprogress.org/alyssa/2011/07/21/274801/harry-potter-katniss-everdeen-and-movement-mascots-or-hermione-granger-isnt-the-hero-of-the-harry-potter-books/">Harry Potter, Katniss Everdeen & Movement Mascots</a>, because it's pretty interesting, & the second is to a piece by Sady Doyle that the first link refers to: <a href="http://globalcomment.com/2011/in-praise-of-hermione-granger-series/">In Praise of Joanne Rowling's Hermione Granger Series</a><br />
<br />
(ETA: Also, because I'm a few days late with this, here's the link to <a href="http://globalcomment.com/2011/the-further-adventures-of-hermione-granger/">Sady Doyle's response to the feedback on her first post</a>, where she makes a lot of good points. )<br />
<br />
I have two problems with the the "In Praise of the Hermione Granger Series" post. The first problem is the issue that it takes with Joanne Rowling using her initials as her pen name. When JK Rowling approached publishers with <i>Harry Potter & the Philosopher’s Stone</i> she was an unemployed single mother with a very young child who wanted to sell her novel. I think it's unfortunate that we live in a society where young boys are taught - usually completely unconsciously - to avoid reading books by female authors, even those with male protagonists, for fear of them being too girly. I think it's unfortunate that we live in a society where "girly" means "unsuitable for boys." However, I really don't think anyone can blame an unpublished writer for trying to attract a wider readership. <br />
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My second problem with the piece is this: it is entirely possible for a male character to represent gender equality. In a perfect society girls & boys would be represented equally in children's books and on television, but unfortunately we don't live in that society, & in order to raise these issues with children of all genders it seems to often be necessary to speak through a male character's mouth. The <i>Harry Potter</i> series is hardly a beacon of anti-feminism, but my thoughts on gender roles in the series are multiple & variant (& often contradictory) & could take up an entire thesis let alone a blog post, so I'll let them be for now. <br />
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I think that there might be a difference between feminist texts & texts with Strong Female Characters. Not all feminist texts have strong female characters & not all strong female characters live in feminist texts. Hermione Granger is a Strong Female Character. However, if she were the protagonist of <i>Hermione Granger & the Philosopher's Stone</i> the book, unfortunately, would never have been published. Harry Potter's opinion & treatment of women, however, is not unlike Hermione's. He accepts that women can be as intelligent & adventurous as men (he respects Professor McGonagall as much as he does Professor Dumbledore & trusts & relies on Hermione as much as he does Ron) & also that they can be as powerful & evil (he hesitates no more in fighting Bellatrix than he does Voldemort). Gender roles in the series aside, that's a pretty big feminist step.<br />
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So while, yes, we should certainly be angry & disappointed that the popular culture we've grown up with over-sexualises, underestimates & under-represents women & girls, & we should what we can to raise awareness about these inequalities in order to change them, let's also celebrate the small victories, the Strong Female Characters, the Hermione Grangers, Lyra Belacquas & Katniss Everdeens of the world.<br />
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I'm writing a book at the moment (at the same time as a PhD thesis, because I'm just that much of a <strike>masochist</strike> compulsive writer). It's a young adult book, it's got werewolves & vampires in it, & it has a male main character. In its first draft it was a sort-of-ghost-story with a female protagonist but when I sat down to rewrite the second draft the first sentence that went down on paper was "Dylan's mam always said he could lie for Ireland" & Dylan just sort of took the story from there. The reason I kept him as my main character is the same reason I decided to make the sort-of-ghosts werewolves & in a later draft added some vampires. I enjoy reading young adult fiction & mostly I enjoy researching it. I know quite a lot about it at this point, which means that I know what works (&, presumably, what doesn't work) & also what sells. Male main characters sell. Vampires & werewolves sell. If I want any chance of somebody publishing this book <strike>if I ever</strike> when I finally finish it, I want it to be as sellable as possible. However, this book will still have feminist leanings. It'll still have Strong Female Characters. And hopefully the boys who read it (my teenage brother'll be the first, as Representative of my Intended Readership) will pick up on the idea that girls & boys deserve to be treated equally & will apply that to their own lives. What about you, Writing Readers? What gender are your protagonists? (What gender are you?) Why?<br />
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And, in the same vein, who were your <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/search?q=%23childhoodfeministheroes">#childhoodfeministheroes</a>? Who are your favourite Strong Female Characters?Moïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1080963021309652079.post-88694158118654894632011-07-24T12:26:00.003+01:002011-09-14T13:38:03.657+01:00Things I Have Learned from the Vampire Diaries Season One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY5unNX3KEp5DI61IL-CVUsXO2q7PjMuC57FptKSjjg38zHKw8TZqltaE7lVaSYpUMsaEYV4_SEGVF358uPdEx3g7AIUbeP1XQCtadp31vUgqMhQ4ir_u0h-uuZGkRmeWIZXV5YHPjj2PM/s1600/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY5unNX3KEp5DI61IL-CVUsXO2q7PjMuC57FptKSjjg38zHKw8TZqltaE7lVaSYpUMsaEYV4_SEGVF358uPdEx3g7AIUbeP1XQCtadp31vUgqMhQ4ir_u0h-uuZGkRmeWIZXV5YHPjj2PM/s320/The-Vampire-Diaries.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Important Life Lessons with Popular Culture<br />
This week: The Vampire Diaries Season 1<br />
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If you name a town Mystic Falls, you've got what's coming to you<br />
(What's coming to you is usually vampires)<br />
Vampires always go back to highschool<br />
Vampires like American football<br />
Vampires have been playing American football since 1864<br />
Vervaine is the new garlic<br />
Stalking the human girl who looks exactly like your evil vampire ex-girlfriend & then going out with her is really not creepy at all<br />
It's especially not creepy when your bad boy brother - who was also involved with said evil vampire ex-girlfriend - falls in love with her human lookalike too<br />
Girls who ask boys out are pathetic & will be manipulated by all of said boys<br />
Alternatively, they're vampires<br />
If the boy you're seeing stands you up, is rude to you or doesn't text you back, it's not because he doesn't like you/ is a jerk, it's because he's a vampire & has more important things to do & you just wouldn't understand<br />
All African-American women are witches<br />
(There is no such thing as African-American men)<br />
(Post episode 15: okay fine, there is no such thing as <i>human</i> African-American men)<br />
Never invite teachers, aunts' ex-lovers or pizza delivery boys into your home because they're all vampires<br />
Actually, anyone who asks to come into your home is probably a vampire<br />
Having lived through the 50s automatically means you can dance<br />
You can tell your boyfriend is/is turning into a Bad Boy if he wears a leather jacket & drives a fancy car<br />
Bad Boys drink human blood<br />
Also, their hair gets more vertical<br />
The Bad Boy is always secretly good<br />
Cheating is totally fine once both boys are brothers<br />
Killing yourself to become a vampire is a totally acceptable way of dealing with your problems<br />
Nobody actually ever stays deadMoïrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03355312133489431163noreply@blogger.com0